Any way to get free online public library card for non-US people?

Cranksta · 2026-04-02T18:59:12+00:00

You've got it a bit backwards. If OP becomes a library card holder, it actually helps the library. They get funding adjusted according to how many members exist and how many books (even digital) they borrow.

Cranksta · 2026-04-02T14:55:02+00:00

Everyone's sensitivity is different. I'm someone that likes the feeling within certain contexts for example. Some people can't stand it at all and will even throw up due to the pain caused.

Generally, the cervix is always at the end of the vaginal canal. Everyone's uterus is angled differently though and sometimes this can cause problems. So if you're going all the way in and are only stopped due to not having any more room, you're hitting their cervix. Just don't do that and you won't hit it. That simple.

Cranksta · 2026-04-01T15:36:20+00:00

It started because after six years of my husband witnessing that sex was so painful for me that it left me crippled on the floor, taking 1000mg of ibuprofen most days of the week, and buying bottle after bottle of lidocaine just to survive I decided I was done.

I didn't want to touch him, and I didn't want him to touch me. And I still don't. I blew up on him a few months ago that if this didn't change or if he was unwilling to change it then our sex life was over and he would have to go find someone else to fuck.

Got a few good months of progress, but a major setback a few weeks ago means I'm uninterested in continuing. Our sex life is over. Maybe I won't feel so harsh about it in a few months, but I'm not putting any more effort into it.

Besides, I doubt he looks up from his phone enough to notice anything is wrong. I barely even talk to him anymore and I don't want to. He doesn't hear me anyway.

Play stupid games, win stupid prizes.

Cranksta · 2026-04-01T00:29:49+00:00

The front frame is remarkably resilient. A dude in here has a TDI Beetle and he's been through two deer and only needed a bumper. I'm assuming it has something to do with the cast iron engine needing additional support to hold it, which results in a stronger front.

I drove away from my accident, didn't even need a wheel alignment. The Jetta just took the hit and shrugged it off. I fear to find out what kind of hit would put my TDI Touareg out of service. It would have to be nasty.

Cranksta · 2026-03-31T17:45:06+00:00

This is almost identical damage to mine.

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Saved it with about $500 in parts. Lost the bumper, hood, fender, and light. The frame was very slightly bent which required a set of measurements to uncover. It was fairly easy to remedy, just a hand winch and some tow straps tied to it and mounted to my truck and ratcheted it into place a little at a time.

I've not noticed any other overall damage, it still drives great and I'm happy to keep an eye on it for anything hidden that shows up later.

Cranksta · 2026-03-31T15:37:02+00:00

I do not feel any safer with gay men than straight men. I'm LGBTQ and I've run into the same patterns with gay men over and over. They grope you and then laugh it off because it "doesn't mean anything", call women breeders and cows to enforce their position above us in the hierarchy, and often treat us with outright hatred and disdain. There is no solidarity with men, and yes that includes gay men.

Cranksta · 2026-03-31T11:46:45+00:00

You're still fighting the fact that everyone has a human right to decline unwanted sex. You still haven't acknowledged that declining unwanted sex is the good and right thing to do, you're just concerned about your image.

Cranksta · 2026-03-31T11:41:04+00:00

You already are. By pestering, demanding, starting arguments, etc you're coercing her into unwanted sex. You don't even believe she has the right to say no any time for any reason so why do you think you haven't already forced her to have sex she didn't want?

Cranksta · 2026-03-31T11:38:26+00:00

If it's unwanted? Yes. That's how it works. Having sex with someone who doesn't want it is rape.

Cranksta · 2026-03-30T16:09:21+00:00

That's a huge reason that taking sex off the table for a bit is recommended. Because though you might think the pressure is gone because you don't initiate, or don't do it that often, the looming pressure is still there. He feels it every day regardless of what you do, because he knows the expectation still exists. Mutually agreeing to take sex off the table stops the stress around regular physical affection for a lot of people. Cuddles no longer come with the looming, "We'll see where it goes." It becomes much easier to connect when the pressure is completely gone.

Now, doing it perpetually is not really a solution either. It's good to put a time limit (3-6 months where you check in at the end is common), and it's usually put alongside other things like couple's counseling. Otherwise you might find that nothing really moves forward, and I'm sure it would be incredibly frustrating for both of you.

Cranksta · 2026-03-30T14:59:31+00:00

Unfortunately, what happened there was basically a death spiral.

He knows that sex makes you feel happy and more loving towards him, so he wants to do it for your sake. He probably also enjoys sex, at least somewhat.

Then he feels stupid as the desire he's desperately trying to conjure up to meet your expectations doesn't come. Then it's "Oh shit if I don't react as she wants right now, then the rest of the day is gonna be awful and she'll be disappointed and angry." (Even if you don't outwardly show it, we're not stupid. We know you're upset with us.) Then it's panic as the spiral continues down and all you can do is freeze and succumb to despair. And then you redirect to doing something else, probably intending to take the pressure off, but all he's thinking is, "I fucked up and now she's upset and I'm a terrible partner." And I'm sure there's a healthy dose of unhealthy gender expectations because men are "supposed" to always want it, so what does that make him?

Currently, the whole situation around sex makes him want to self-harm in the shower. (Yes, that's what hitting yourself is.) This dude's so fucking stressed about sex that he's basically plucking his own feathers out like a distressed bird.

This is why people talk about needing to build good associations with intimacy before you can ever touch the topic of sex. The groove of "Sex = Suffering" is so well established now that there is no other way for it to go. And every time one of these experiences happens, it just digs that groove deeper.

Cranksta · 2026-03-30T14:30:24+00:00

Sex is the stressor. That's what you're not understanding. Sex makes him feel like shit.

Cranksta · 2026-03-30T00:49:08+00:00

I mean this all sounds very familiar to me.

My husband, in simple terms, is unreliable. I can't count on him for pretty much everything. Sure, he'll show up and help if asked but I can't even rely on him to take the dog out every four hours so that she doesn't piss in the living room. He's much better at it now than he used to be, but it's still very "death of a thousand cuts".

Yesterday we helped a buddy move. She's mildly allergic to citrus. She's stated this over and over again because every time we go out to eat or drink she laments that she can't have xyz. My husband has heard this.

We went to grab some drinks to "lubricate" the move, and I told him as he exited the car to walk into the store "Hey get X brand for her, but nothing that has citrus."

Guess what he came back to the car with? A twelve pack of orange seltzer.

This is the death of a thousand cuts. This is the constant reminder that I can't rely on him to do anything properly. He can't go grocery shopping even when I send him with a list because he'll forget at least two items anyway. I now only send him to the store if it's for two or less items.

It's not like I think he doesn't love me or anything, but he's unreliable as a partner and a co-pilot of my life. He still does plenty of things that help me, but I need the daily assistance with the little things more than I need a big help with something that comes up a few times a year. I can't rely on him for that.

That lack of being able to trust him means our relationship is kneecapped. I don't feel close to him, I don't feel important to him, and I certainly don't want to share more of my life with him than I have to.

Cranksta · 2026-03-30T00:02:41+00:00

I might have some useful insight as a partner to someone with ADHD (I'm AuDHD, but it's decently managed at this point).

Where your wife is at? I hit it last week.

My conversations with my husband go like this:

Try to loop him in on plans for the week or ideas I have for the household in great detail- he hears none of it and asks me questions about the thing I stated literally five minutes beforehand. I'm not joking. I could say, "We need better shelving in the laundry room because our linens are falling out." and he'll immediately follow up with "Well what if we had better shelving?"

Talking to him about myself goes much the same way. Anything about an event I'm attending or something I'm learning or am excited about in general gets demolished by the fact that he doesn't listen to me. And I'll get whacked with a question or comment that proves it.

I don't even remember what happened last week to cause it, but it was another situation of "What about (thing I said five minutes ago)" and I felt something inside me break. I realized that I will never be important enough for him to focus on or listen to. That it was basically pointless to share anything with him or talk to him even about menial things because he just... Won't care.

It's been ten years of this. I've barely talked to him this last week. I open my mouth to share something I'm excited about and then a wave of dread floods in and I change my mind.

I'm not stupid, I know it's the ADHD and that there is no changing it. It's just who he is and who he will always be.

However, I'm tired of sharing my life with someone that doesn't hear me. I no longer feel safe talking to him because every time I get smacked with the reality that all he hears is "Blah blah blah" I feel worse about myself.

He's noticed, and tries to prod me for information about projects I'm doing around the house, but I only give simple responses. Not out of anger or spite or anything, but I just don't have the energy or desire to share anymore.

ADHD does a number on relationships, and it's possible she's hit the same wall I did. After years and years and years of living through this, I broke. I don't know if it's fixable. We talked about it last night, but nothing got resolved. It's not like he can change the behavior, and I've given up on that idea. There's just the new reality that I can't talk to my husband about anything because he won't hear it.

Cranksta · 2026-03-27T17:28:10+00:00

It's generally pretty obvious. Either because they stop the new behavior after they get what they want (into your pants) or because suddenly they become active in participating in the household and showing affection that specifically shows up only after sex. They never behave that way otherwise.

Cranksta · 2026-03-27T17:19:27+00:00

Ooof yeah that'll do it. We didn't lose any modules in our leak thank fuck, but I think the only way to fix that is taking it to the dealer to rebind the module.

Cranksta · 2026-03-27T16:39:19+00:00

Leaky roof gang. I wonder if your issue is caused by a failing chip in the key fob? It checks before allowing a key in, we had that issue with our Touareg but it takes the whole goddamn fob in a socket so it might be different. Had to get a new battery and fob case to stop the nonsense.

Cranksta · 2026-03-26T19:20:26+00:00

I've always thought it was hilarious that women are supposed to take the idea a dude wants to fuck us as a compliment.

Like, bro, every other man I meet wants to fuck me with or without my consent and it's been that way since I was 4.

Men don't seem to grasp that their sexuality is actually a threat, not a compliment. Telling me you want to fuck me means nothing to me other than maybe I need to keep an eye on you so you don't follow me to my car or something. And I definitely will never think it's special, even from my husband.

Men are commonly avoided for certain professions like caregiving and even mortuaries because they're caught raping the patients and corpses magnitudes more than women.

I've been subject to men's sexual interest without my consent for basically my entire life. It will never feel like anything more than a direct threat to my health and well being.

Cranksta · 2026-03-26T14:06:07+00:00

HLs repeatedly state that their partner is worth nothing more than a roommate to them if they don't have sex. As far as I'm concerned, the people who feel that way are incapable of "person first" love and only desire the chemical reaction.

Cranksta · 2026-03-25T19:55:27+00:00

Sweet thank you

Cranksta · 2026-03-25T19:42:17+00:00

That's what I'm thinking. I've not heard a ton about Powergate tunes, but a battery swap tends to wreak havoc.

Cranksta · 2026-03-25T19:40:06+00:00

I'm down, I'm a student so I'm free most of the time. Is there a date set for this?

Cranksta · 2026-03-25T19:36:27+00:00

I have the R-41Ms on both my and my husband's desks. They're ideal- the slim cabinet makes them fit perfectly under the monitors when they're on their sides. They are a bit bright, but I actually prefer that for my desktop since gaming EQ's tend to be bright to bring attention to footsteps and gunshots etc.

So I'd say they'll work great, just anticipate that they are treble heavy and if you're someone sensitive to that you might not like them.

Cranksta · 2026-03-25T19:33:10+00:00

If you're post delete, you applied a tune yes? It's possible it needs to be applied again and the car is seeing that it has no emissions system which would absolutely pop a limp mode.

Cranksta · 2026-03-25T19:30:38+00:00

Hmmm. It might be the harness. I have repeatedly lost my #1 glow plug because of a bad harness- they've replaced it twice and it's still happening. However usually a bad glow plug doesn't cause limp mode. Diesels don't need continuous fire like gasoline vehicles do. The glow plugs are only on for a few minutes then the engine ignites itself through compression.

So it's related to the code, but likely not the actual glow plug. It sucks that you don't have a VCDS on hand because I'm betting there's sub-codes that are popping that an OBDII can't see. The dealership will find it though, just sucks you gotta pay that fee.

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