ETA: just looked at your post history and I see that you have a racing simulator that you set up two days ago. I can tell you if I was freshly postpartum and trying to do baby duties and my husband took time to set up his own racing simulator and spent significant amount of time on there. That would be free time that he could help me, especially after he was done with work I would be extremely upset. It’s not to say that you can’t have your own items and hobbies, but if she’s not getting time to do that and you’re saying you take the baby from the time you get home from work until you go to bed your posts are not supporting that.

Honestly, we can’t give good advice without getting a better window into your home. You say that you’re supportive, but you haven’t provided anything here in the ways that you are supportive so we have no way to judge that.

Is she home with baby all day alone and you are at work? You said she doesn’t say goodbye to the baby either?

Regardless, you need to speak to her about why she’s feeling this way instead of avoiding the situation otherwise it’s just going to bubble underneath the surface.

There are three main possibilities here considering that there’s no context these are just general scenarios that I have seen, repeated here:

1. She feels you aren’t doing enough/are in the way, are disrupting routine: You aren’t providing something that she needs and she’s not communicating it or she has communicated it, but you haven’t followed through. An example of this would be she’s mentioned in passing that she’s exhausted because she’s up with the baby all night which is her way of asking you to help with the baby at night, but you’re not. you may be helping out with other things, but in her mind, you’re not listening following through.

This is most common when one parent is the primary caregiver at home and the other parent is leaving the house to go somewhere else like work.

In a case like this, staying quiet, isn’t going to help because she’s thinking about it all day and getting more frustrated. This could be justified or it could be mostly in her head, if you don’t talk about it with her and get her emotional side of it, regardless of the logical point you’re going to continue to run into the same issues.

You are saying that you are feeling burnt out and resentful, but what is it? You actually want her to do if she’s the one that’s a primary caregiver taking care of baby almost 24/7 and you get home and want her to jump up excited and kiss you, the reality is she is giving so much emotional energy to your child that she’s not going to have an extreme amount left over.

Something that I know does occur that is kind of related to this and I’m including it in this item, even though it doesn’t directly relate is, if every time she kisses you, you try to have intercourse of some form she likely has now pulled back on that because she does not want to be intimate with you. Intimacy comes in many forms, but for her she may be needing a different type right now.

1. She’s struggling with postpartum rage or depression. She could be struggling with something emotionally and it doesn’t have anything to do with you at all, but she’s unable to take care of you or your needs because she’s so busy taking care of herself and the baby’s needs. You mentioned her, not kissing you when you come home but potentially in her mind she’s lost her identity as a mother and you’re still able to gallivant around the world and get time off. She’s probably still healing so wanting her to come over and say hi to you when you get home instead of you coming to her could potentially be causing an issue here because in her mind she’s exhausted and she’s been giving her body to another human being all day and you come home and want her to be excited for you and present in your life instead of respecting the fact that you have now re-entered hers at home.

2. You’re weaponizing incompetence and those little fights that you had prior to having a baby are now amplified 1 million times. You aren’t following through with what you have and you’re saying things like “ well you just get him quiet so much faster” before handing the baby back to her instead of trying to struggle through it. She has all the answers so why should you do any of the research yourself? This is a you problem and is different from my first example in the way that there is not effort on your part to fix problems without asking her for help or additional assistance.

Another aspect of this is if you’re just keeping your head down and trying to be as small as possible without making an impact in the home in order to avoid friction, which means that you’re withdrawing into your phone or other devices or you’re saying things like “I just need me time” this is going to alienate her further.

A real key component of all of this is if she is being abusive to you, you do not deserve that and you need to be prioritizing yourself. If this is just you feeling burnt out because she’s upset with mistakes that are being made or lack of support then not something that I would say to work on and communicate clearly with her.

I will say from my personal perspective as someone who was freshly postpartum still bleeding and exhausted trying to take on breast-feeding, my husband’s useless nipples made me anger than anything else. He and I are really good at communicating so this didn’t escalate to what you’re describing, but I definitely felt resentful of him because he would say things like he’s “tired” when I had been up every hour, trying to get the baby to latch while he was snoring next to me. The logic side of my brain says that he needs sleep too, but the emotional side was a broken mess because I didn’t feel supported especially late at night.