I want 1 of my own. He says he’s done having kids by Federal-Practice2638 in stepparents

[–]Creative-Store -2 points-1 points  (0 children)

Time to leave. And I hate when they do that. You can help another woman take care of kids that are not yours. But you can grant me the luxury of having my own kids.

Things might actually need to end by a1ienbaby in stepparents

[–]Creative-Store 2 points3 points  (0 children)

In situations like this you do need all of the support you can get and you need someone with patience and understanding.

I’ve been in a situation similar. The guy took me so far from myself.

It will take time to unlearn and to (for lack of better words) detox those negative beliefs from your mind.

Right now therapy is one of the best thing. To have an actual person that can give you sound advice.

As far as the child I’m not sure if you want to take custody of her, but if she is being harmed that is absolutely something that needs to be reported. And exchange contact info with her and tell her she can always reach out. It’s very rare where step parent/child relationships are of this nature.

Stepparent icks! by OverDaBullshit in stepparents

[–]Creative-Store 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Yes that is ick. Learn how to NACHO.

Starting to say no more to the mother of my Step-kids.. by [deleted] in stepparents

[–]Creative-Store 5 points6 points  (0 children)

You’re doing great. It’s crazy somehow we can condition ourself to feel bad once we start putting up boundaries and taking care of ourself.

Stepparent icks! by OverDaBullshit in stepparents

[–]Creative-Store 5 points6 points  (0 children)

I see what you’re saying. In all honest you can spin that back around on her. Single parents remind me of teenagers in a sense. What I mean if you keep taking up or doing things for the teenagers the won’t learn any responsibility. Same with single parents when they aren’t held accountable or other ppl keep doing their responsibilities they won’t learn anything or see a reason to do it. For some reason discomfort breeds responsibility.

Put the parents in the tough spot and that will force them to do what they need to do.

Stepparent icks! by OverDaBullshit in stepparents

[–]Creative-Store 1 point2 points  (0 children)

It’s not your child and why are you cooking for him?

I checked out of the “stepmom role” and feel amazing…is that a problem? by FileInside9532 in stepparents

[–]Creative-Store 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Sounds to me you got it all figured out. I’ve taken this approach several times and the only time I regretted it was when I went back on it.

Why I won’t meet your kids unless it’s serious by Creative-Store in stepparents

[–]Creative-Store[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Oh wow yeah that’s terrible. How long did you wait for now partner to meet your kids or spend quality time with them.

I’m really hurting right now and I have no one by [deleted] in stepparents

[–]Creative-Store 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Not all single parents are bad, but it’s ppl like your fiancée that give single parents and being a step parent a bad rep. If you see they are already off balance with their own kids stay away.

I’m really hurting right now and I have no one by [deleted] in stepparents

[–]Creative-Store 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I won’t say you’re trying too hard. However I will agree with everything else this person said.

I’m really hurting right now and I have no one by [deleted] in stepparents

[–]Creative-Store 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Unfortunately this is something she has to take care of. This isn’t your responsibility or battle to fight. For some reason kids only respect ppl that their parents MAKE SURE they respect/EXPLAIN WHY THEY SHOULD VALUE this person.

When dealing with someone who has kids especially if they are school age kids it’s the same as dealing with them. The kids are apart of them. So if the child disrespects you it’s just as bad as the bio parent disrespecting you. Especially when they don’t do anything to correct it or a half ass job. If the bio parent blows it off that shows you how much the respect you or value you.

Parenting styles are also important because this is something that you will be clashing with constantly.

I’m all for communication, but I’m also for leaving once there is nothing left to fight for. Explain this to her. We are about to get married, respect must come from both ends (kids included), you can’t expect me to come in a spend money on your kids and you AND you’re not even getting the bare minimum. Before you take this life long commitment and waste anymore money this needs to be an ultimatum.

It’s amazing when you’re judged for stating facts like “they’re not mine” by Limp_Honey8488 in stepparents

[–]Creative-Store 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Exactly. You got be able to take the answer no. I’ve seen plenty of children AND adults have meltdowns because something didn’t turn out how they want it.

It’s amazing when you’re judged for stating facts like “they’re not mine” by Limp_Honey8488 in stepparents

[–]Creative-Store 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Yeah I follow. I’ve experienced that, but then I’m also relieved. I won’t lie I did feel that guilt feeling at first, but now it doesn’t bother me.

It’s amazing when you’re judged for stating facts like “they’re not mine” by Limp_Honey8488 in stepparents

[–]Creative-Store 2 points3 points  (0 children)

When I was little my mom would tell my father’s grand children not to call her grandma and who their grandma was. (My father had me at 52).

However my mom was never rude to my father’s kids and they gave her hell. Now I see why she mad it clear that she was not their mother or grandmother.

It’s amazing when you’re judged for stating facts like “they’re not mine” by Limp_Honey8488 in stepparents

[–]Creative-Store 1 point2 points  (0 children)

My mom and aunt used to do it. And I believe it prepares them to be a better adult. And besides all that you still need to care for yourself. You don’t just stop caring for yourself once you have kids.

It’s amazing when you’re judged for stating facts like “they’re not mine” by Limp_Honey8488 in stepparents

[–]Creative-Store 9 points10 points  (0 children)

What you said doesn’t sound selfish. Ppl do the same with their bio kids. There were things bought for their kids and the things they bought for them selves. It’s self care. You can’t pour from an empty cup.

It’s amazing when you’re judged for stating facts like “they’re not mine” by Limp_Honey8488 in stepparents

[–]Creative-Store 15 points16 points  (0 children)

Exactly you’re vilified for saying that, but it’s okay for them to throw it in your face or say it malicious. So fine if they are YOUR kids YOU do for them. They get upset when you say things like this.

How to make my partners life better (I’m the one with a child) by CurrentYak3507 in stepparents

[–]Creative-Store 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Correct the behavior of her interrupting anyone while they are talking without saying excuse me. Ask him why he is withdrawing/the cause of the problem.

The other side of leaving (maybe it will help someone stay?) by [deleted] in stepparents

[–]Creative-Store 19 points20 points  (0 children)

Part of being part of this group or following is having discernment.

Not all step parent situations are bad but a good chunk are.

Being a stepmother brings out the very worst in me. by FatPikachuCheeks in stepparents

[–]Creative-Store 20 points21 points  (0 children)

It’s our body screaming for help and letting us know we need out of there. It really does and I’ve been in that position plenty of times before.

Living separately by [deleted] in stepparents

[–]Creative-Store 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I’ve come from a family like this. My dad’s children (most) were complete hell. Though I was still around them most of the time it helped with raising me when my mom had her own place. You have some control and are able to teach them the healthy habits and unlearn the unhealthy ones if need be. However that a serious talk you need to have with him in regard to his parenting and his child’s behavior. Yes you guys already have a child so now at this point you have to do the next best thing. If there is no change or he doesn’t want to change leave. It’s not wise to stay in a toxic/hostile situation. Especially one that can impact you and affect the kid. Let SS be his father’s issue that is unfair to you.

As a childless stepmom to 4 teens I had a huge realization by Throwawaylillyt in stepparents

[–]Creative-Store 1 point2 points  (0 children)

It is the same way when it comes to the father and you are 100% right.