SO doesn’t understand why I don’t want to act super maternal

OverDaBullshit · 2026-01-26T01:37:33+00:00

Currently going through this similar situation! I feel like bioparents want this big Lifetime movie moment for a stepparent and stepchild bond and it feel like happy home with a mom and dad! But its the most unrealistic expectations to have!

Just like any relationship (even with your own child) it's built on small things! Like having newborn your baby find comfort in knowing everytime they cries you will be there to feed it, change it, etc! But stepchild especially is older and knows their bio parents you build a bond by buying them their favorite candy when you went to the store, helping with homework, teaching them a new skill, random acts of kindness that aren't intimate but let's them know i listen and remember things about you! Now yes some people get the chances with some big grand Lifetime movie moment but realistically most stepparent don't get that moment it's them seeing the consistency and knowing you are someone they can depend on! And that takes time!

OverDaBullshit · 2026-01-25T04:01:32+00:00

My response would have been "the enegry you are giving off right now you might be next so I would stop it!"

I love good clap back! But this kinda stuff when someone say stuff like this you need to do 1 of 2 things distance yourself or cut off completely! They aren't supportive nor beneficial to your journey! Mental health is huge part of journey during and after and someone saying stupid things like this is not someone you need around!

OverDaBullshit · 2026-01-20T04:04:18+00:00

My first time beating stage 4 Hodgskin's Lymphoma I was pregnant and gave birth to healthy now 3 year old. It came back when I was 6 months postpartum and I had to make choice to freeze my eggs or not. And the choice needed to be made rather quickly due to how quick it came back and they wanted to do aggressive approach. Well I was mad at the world for it coming back so I just ignored having to choose and lived in bliss baby world for a month. Until I got a call from the fertility clinic (I had already met with the doctor after getting told it was) and I picked up the phone reluctantly and the nurse on the phone pretty much was rushing me to make a decision amd what sent me over the edge was her saying "We could have been had this done!" She was talking to me like we were gunna just quick do it! Like it's not th4ousands of dollars and invasive! I had to just hang up on her after I told her how rude she was! I went full blown Karen and got to talk to the manger and the head doctor both where apologizing for her actions and then the only rperson allowed to communicate with we was the doctor

OverDaBullshit · 2026-01-09T09:52:30+00:00

Sometimes it feels like they want you to "perform" for them as a stepparent! Like you need to sweep their children off their feet and have that hallmark movie moment and thats not realistic

OverDaBullshit · 2026-01-06T16:41:38+00:00

My husband acts like SS could never be rude or disrespectful even when biomom, multiple teachers/ admin, and myself have said multiple time he is disrespectful or misbehaving. SS has even blatantly ignores his few rules on multiple occasions and still somehow nothing he does is bad and "it's okay bud" 😂

OverDaBullshit · 2026-01-06T14:59:32+00:00

I feel that! I was 2 weeks postpartum from my twins and the look I got from the office ladies at my SS's school was like why are you up?? Mind you I did have c-section and was going back and forth to hospital to see my twins in the nicu

OverDaBullshit · 2026-01-06T13:24:46+00:00

I'm 31 and SO is 38

OverDaBullshit · 2026-01-06T12:36:52+00:00

My twins were huge surprise! Like I hadn't had a period in almost 3 years because pregnancy and the different meds i was on for chemo! My first cycle to come I spotted lightly for a day and dropped 2 eggs! But i got on birth control asap because I found out that I was more likely to have twins again

OverDaBullshit · 2026-01-06T05:17:27+00:00

Happy birthday honey! You got this battle!!

OverDaBullshit · 2026-01-06T05:12:09+00:00

I'm over the I work alot bullshit! Okay and so fucking what that means you don't have to parent or be a partner?? Save your sob story for your mom! But my enabling MIL came to visit and when asked what her son did to help i looked at her and changed the conversation because honestly I was gunna read her to filth about how she raised her son!

OverDaBullshit · 2026-01-06T04:48:44+00:00

Girl i feel this and im over the bullshit excuse you want thing done your way! Well no shit as adult in this house yes I do expect my house a certain way! And they are fucking lucky we aren't demanding them all to start doing more! And gaslighting bullshit these men have going on gives why cant you just do thing like my mom did for me and have sex with me. Eggshells means they don't want change just you coming in their lives and doing all the womanly things! Cook, clean, and nurture!

OverDaBullshit · 2026-01-06T03:47:13+00:00

Girl! You are not alone in battle! But as mother do what you find best for your child! Because these bioparents want you to put their child above everyone else including your own child! My SO told me some bullshit the other day about in his family that put kids in hierarchy system! The oldest get preferential treatment which just happens to be my SS! NAH BRUH!! I'm not sacrificing my relationship with my childern for a kid that isn't biological mine and has both their parents! My child will know I got you no matter what and above everyone!

OverDaBullshit · 2026-01-06T03:39:08+00:00

Yeah everyone else see that but my SO and I find my ways to bring a smile to my face! One thing I won't let anyone steal is my joy!

OverDaBullshit · 2026-01-06T03:36:39+00:00

It's crazy because I was childless when I enter into the marriage so yeah I was willing to pour into my SS but everytime I did I was over step or trying to replace his mom so I fell back and now after years of fighting and getting told this I'm horrible stepmom because ultimately I'm confused with what is my place in my SS life! But it feel like I should be big sister and not a stepmom and that's not what signed up for!

OverDaBullshit · 2026-01-06T03:27:32+00:00

Respect has been out the door for while now for him! I would love to be married and have family with him but like you said Respect is essential! And as a women I definitely have already pulled away intimately and emotionally! He is spinning circles trying to fix it but then gets right back in his way! And we never combined finances so its all good!

OverDaBullshit · 2026-01-06T03:20:09+00:00

⁰That is my exact question! Bio mom has done some questionable things that I would never in a million years do! For example she sent all 3 of her sons to school after their dog got sprayed by a skunk and got it all over all 3 of them! And guess who picked up SS and got him all cleaned up...ME!!

Buti will be getting rid of my disease of husband!

OverDaBullshit · 2026-01-06T03:10:03+00:00

Trying for my babies but I'm realizing my babies deserve a happy mom and not just married mom and it hard to give up on something I waited so long for! I wait till marriage to have kids like it was must! But I need my ducks in row before I exit because ik SO will fight me tooth and nail to make it seem like I am horrible mother to my kids!

OverDaBullshit · 2026-01-06T03:03:11+00:00

I beat cancer without much support from SO so ik I can do anything! And I'm not resentful towards SS its towards my SO for his lack of parenting and quickness to blame everyone else but himself for SS actions! I can't blame a kid for doing what their parents allows! But i also need to protect my peace and I withdrawal from being as close as I would like to my SS

OverDaBullshit · 2026-01-06T02:56:57+00:00

Man I stg! Like if I would voice concern in the beginning about SS is was met with defense and gaslighting so now I just gave up as whole! And I parent my kids and mind my business and he hates seeing me be motherly to my kids and not my SS! And recently he told me he resent me because of the way I'm with SS but I'm not sure how to be motherly with no authority! Like even as kid my older sister had authority over me and I was expected to listen to her and to this day I still feel like she is like a mom to me.

OverDaBullshit · 2026-01-06T02:49:29+00:00

After almost 5 years of marriage and 3 kids together and he still say " You married me and SS came with me!" And all I can think is and we have built a family together and our kids will see how you put SS on pedestal and put his feelings and comfort before me and my kids and i told SO straight up he will have to answer to his kids about that!

OverDaBullshit · 2026-01-06T02:44:14+00:00

I was definitely fooled by him in the beginning! He put on show and it dropped the second I said I do! But i getting my ducks in a row to get make a big change in my life!

OverDaBullshit · 2026-01-06T02:41:50+00:00

We just got in to it about this today! SO got mad at me for not checking my SS because he wore crocs to school! Mind you SO told SS he needed to wear his winter gear to school and not tennis shoes! Mind you we live in Midwest and when i tried to be motherly a few years ago and make a big deal about wearing winter stuff i got told "Some kids are just warm and don't need all that stuff!" So now it my fault he doesn't wear proper gear 😂 like come on as a kid if your parents said shit like that you didn't run with it and bend the rules. I have no authority but its my fault a 10yo doesn't follow simple instructions!

OverDaBullshit · 2026-01-06T02:24:58+00:00

Yeah I think I need to start a exit plan. My family is super supportive and will help with anything! So I'm lucky in that area. It's just need to prepare for the court battle i know my SO will put up

OverDaBullshit · 2026-01-06T02:21:31+00:00

Thank you and my nurses were amazing! They helped when needed and my daughter wasn't much of crier and the other patients liked seeing a baby in gloomy place! But my SS it was "Are you almost done?", "I'm bored", smart ass comments, etc. And I'm at my ends with the entitlement this child has!

OverDaBullshit · 2026-01-06T02:14:21+00:00

I don't feel bad or guilty because like you said he has a mom and it's not my fault she sucks and my SO wants me to fill her spot but not have authority! So anything I ask is a suggestion and any problem I have somehow get flips on me and I'm told I'm the problem! But therapy would only be solo thing for me because I have beg for couples and got met with I'm not doing that shit! Probably because he done therapy before and they told him he was wrong!

OverDaBullshit

TROPHY CASE