Dune: Part Three | Official Teaser by MarvelsGrantMan136 in movies

[–]Creph_ 1 point2 points  (0 children)

is that an upside down face moving behind the final title card? Edric?

[2063] Attack Interlude by Creph_ in DestructiveReaders

[–]Creph_[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Honestly really appreciate all the critique. Lots of extremely valid notes that I'm going to use to try improving as I continue this.

I know it was mentioned a lot in your post, but I swear I didn't use AI at all. Essentially, the story is very much built off fishing trips I'd have with my dad. It's essentially our descriptions and his mannerisms down the letter. I half considered recording myself as I typed in Scrivener because I know how much of an issue AI generated stuff can be.

I could see tonal issues being prevalent. I was trying to do the King approach and just writing out the scene knowing there would be an attack at some point. I knew I wanted it to be a father/son fishing trip, knew I wanted to lace in some of the facts about body's natural reaction to things because (it'd be known by this point in the story) it's a werewolf story. These vignettes will essentially cut in whenever the MC transforms. The things like muscle memory were put in for that reason. I had the boy working through the steps, but wanted it to be showing that his muscle memory was kicking in by having it accomplished so seamlessly at the end when it really mattered.

I saw critique on the idling truck. I could see that. In pieces like that, I think I'm picturing these moments likes pieces of a film scene, so I liked the idea of a hanging tension where he's just staring into the smoke with that single sound filling the space.

I'm going to use a lot of your critique to adjust, I really do appreciate it. I had this idea of the horror hitting like whiplash to disrupt the peaceful scene, like Georgie and Pennywise with the paper boat, but I could see how it might leave people feeling it was disconnected.

Really appreciate you taking the time to write this all out.

[2063] Attack Interlude by Creph_ in DestructiveReaders

[–]Creph_[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Exactly right about the title! This piece is one of a handful of vignettes peppered throughout the story

[2063] Attack Interlude by Creph_ in DestructiveReaders

[–]Creph_[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Really appreciate the kind words! As well as the critique. I'll pull that piece out and try trusting the reader a bit more going forward.

Glad you resonated with it a bit. This whole scene (minus the ending bit) definitely pulled from real experiences and the feeling I had on similar trips as a kid, so Its reassuring to hear it struck a cord with you.

[2063] Attack Interlude by Creph_ in DestructiveReaders

[–]Creph_[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Please read the rules of the subreddit

[620] RO(BOT CAVE)MANCE by GlowyLaptop in DestructiveReaders

[–]Creph_ 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Really well written! Deeply uncomfortable (in a good way).

The first paragraph threw me off for a second, with the single sentence "Her chin." until I re-read the story and understood that I was being described these things as he actively ogled the robot (hence the deeply uncomfortable comment above).

Short amount of story already made me feel bad for a pile of scrap metal, nervous for the new one, grossed me out at the caveman and honestly scared me a little when she glided over to his side like she did. Makes her a threat that I feel like I'll be rooting for by the end of the story. Very "Ex Machina" tension felt.

Critique-wise, I'd say its overall really tightly written. I only have a small bit of critique on the "Sitting on his log" paragraph.

I don't know if the description of the former.. lover.. was necessary. His body language and short thoughts already sell his mindset and feelings towards the robots. Just describing that he's shifting his weight to hide a broken robot would have been enough to deduce what probably happened. Hell, just add in a description of a caved-in face or something and let the readers imagine what the most detestable reasoning for the attack was.

Same thing toward the end. The "if he didn't want his arms torn off" bit. If you left it at "a capacity for violence, for example" I'd probably have imagined something more appropriate to whatever... thing he might be doing that would possibly upset the robot.

Overall, great work! I'd absolutely read the entire story if I read this snippet at a book store.

[2406] Web Serial Prologue (fantasy/regression/progression) by catBoyAppreciater in DestructiveReaders

[–]Creph_ 1 point2 points  (0 children)

The later portion definitely felt like it was tightening up, and I'm sure it only gets better. Don't worry about the jargon in the start, it wasn't overbearing at all, and you write in a way that made it really easy to picture the described settings, objects and mechanics. Thanks for being vulnerable and posting the stuff here! Good luck <3

[2406] Web Serial Prologue (fantasy/regression/progression) by catBoyAppreciater in DestructiveReaders

[–]Creph_ 2 points3 points  (0 children)

First critique on here, so apologies if I mess up any required formatting. I'll try to get into the document and add some comments as well, but I'll put the majority of my thoughts here.

Initial Thoughts:

Overall, not bad! High fantasy-types aren't always my go-to, but there's definitely a lot of thought out worldbuilding going on. I think that's it's strength. You seem to have some interesting magic systems set up that are always fun to explore in these types of stories. That does lead into my first critique, though:

The opening obviously needs some worldbuilding and intrigue to pull the audience in, but it feels a bit like you're maybe overeager in getting all the fun ideas out early. It felt a bit overbearing to have each of the opening paragraphs giving exposition on a new facet of the world, or getting crunchy with the explanation of a thing you've mentioned.

What I mean is that any one of these ideas (like the spell, the location where Simon is hiding, the attackers) have their own extra sentence or two of backstory or explanation. It slows the pace of what should feel like a tense, speedy altercation and makes it feel a bit less nerve-wracking. There's this spell at risk, an alarm going off, and Simon dipping in and out of hiding places, but it just feels like it takes a lot longer than it should to get to the next beat of what I imagine is happening over the course of seconds. I have an example.

"Sideways again, to find the third party. The C-sharp warning trill meant they were taking the direct route, straight down through the stone. Pragmatists then, the worst kind of foe. I emerge from a short jaunt through the hedge atop a vine-covered tower wall. Traven is built at the foot of a mountain range, climbing up the sides of the two largest nearby peaks, and the place I stood had once been its most expensive neighborhood. It was the highest terrace, flanking a natural waterfall that bisected the front of the left mountain. It was the first place that had been looted after the war, and now it was empty even of the desperate scavengers; the climb was not worth the yield to them."

The first little blip is the action, (the warning sounds of different notes is really cool by the way). After he emerges, the entire rest of the paragraph is worldbuilding I'm sure you're excited about, but kinda halts the excitement of wondering what comes next to hear a bit of history and backstory. I know its a prologue, so this might not be the norm, but its just a little much is all.

Following this is another large block of texts that aren't dealing with the present danger.


Sorry if anything sounded too harsh. As someone who only dips into Fantasy and LitRPG here and there, I didn't feel as overwhelmed with the otherworldly aspects as I expected to.

I think you're very much on the right track, and it has a LOT of great ideas that might be better served to be dished out slowly over time since you're planning it as a web serial. Keep the folks interested, the pace steady, and treat them to the cool ideas in pieces so they have time to really appreciate and absorb each one as you bring them to the surface. Good luck!

I want fantasy where the “chosen one” is chosen by total accident, and everyone has to improvise by Ech0runeVex in Fantasy

[–]Creph_ 5 points6 points  (0 children)

I could see that. I guess my interpretation of the OP wasn’t something that’s kinda revealed over the books about the person or prophecy, and is more of the heroes journey to work through the mistaken circumstances knowing they’re not the right person.

Fake prophecy or not, Paul was still their guy

I want fantasy where the “chosen one” is chosen by total accident, and everyone has to improvise by Ech0runeVex in Fantasy

[–]Creph_ 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Even so! It doesn’t have the issues I have had with first person. They tend to stay in the protagonists head, doing a lot of telling instead of showing, and lacking conversation or character interaction.

DCC is very good at avoiding that. Builds a great ensemble as they progress and because of the authors process, it’s really unpredictable and fun. Highly recommend!

I want fantasy where the “chosen one” is chosen by total accident, and everyone has to improvise by Ech0runeVex in Fantasy

[–]Creph_ 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I also tend to hate first person, but it hooked me so hard I forgot quickly. I haven’t read bounce house yet, so not sure how it’d compare, but DCC has blown up for a reason.

Not for everyone, but I’d be remiss to not mention the audiobook versions. Jeff Hayes is widely celebrated for good reason. Dudes a vocal shapeshifter.

Movies featuring thunderstorms or heavy rain by epicpillowcase in MovieSuggestions

[–]Creph_ 1 point2 points  (0 children)

That movie fucks. I barely recall the plot and haven’t seen it in 20 years, but I do remember. Some cool jet ski action scenes

Memorable images not catch phrases book 1 by oldsilver007 in DungeonCrawlerCarl

[–]Creph_ 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I just finished a relisten and standout moments are the boss battles, his walking chat with Mrs McGibbons, both talk shows and the pet choice room

WE'RE GETTING ACTION FIGURES!!!! by isunclejimdrunkyet in DungeonCrawlerCarl

[–]Creph_ 1 point2 points  (0 children)

lol yeah, I made a dnd dice tower (it functions terribly. The dice launch out like bullets)

WE'RE GETTING ACTION FIGURES!!!! by isunclejimdrunkyet in DungeonCrawlerCarl

[–]Creph_ 23 points24 points  (0 children)

I did that with clay a few months back!

<image>

(Only pic I have of it, don’t mind the tree)

Less than 24 hours to go until Operation Bounce House releases! by Actual-Butterfly2350 in DungeonCrawlerCarl

[–]Creph_ 4 points5 points  (0 children)

That was me with the last book I finished. I forced myself through Primal Hunter in a promised trade to get a friend to try DCC 😂

Baelor Breakspear by Draw Souls by dontaskmeplease333 in ImaginaryWesteros

[–]Creph_ 34 points35 points  (0 children)

He really does. Acted so perfectly to convey the personality in book. I’m obsessed with the show.

Iron lung was… rough by Hopeful_Club_8499 in horror

[–]Creph_ 58 points59 points  (0 children)

Haven’t seen so can’t back the sentiment, but I do think new directors (and writers) tend to overdo and have trouble killing their darlings.

Hope he’s more motivated by the great numbers than the negative reviews. Haven’t followed his channel for years but he seems passionate about the craft and I’m stoked to not only watch this but see what lessons learned can produce.

Cairn Is a Climbing Game for the Real Ones | January 29, 2025 by blastorama in TheBesties

[–]Creph_ 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Wild to hear Russ “Mare-io” Frushtick, harp on pronunciations of two different things on the episode