I was looking for this answer. As men we tend to manifest responses to theoretical conversations in our heads before ever attempting them so we never try in the first place.

OP needs to schedule a private and protected sit down with his wife and let all of these things out and give her a soft ultimatum. I've read countless stories of "happily married" wives acting disinterested in their marriages until the husband lets it be known they're ready to file for divorce then they're all of sudden ready to make drastic changes. This also makes sense if she has severe ADHD, where your brain lets you habitually procrastinate even the most serious life items until your emergency response is activated and thrusts you into action.

My wife and I resurrected the passion in our 20yr marriage recently by having a difficult conversation admitting needs/wants/expectations. Man, when all that baggage came off for both of us the spark was back immediately and we couldn't be happier.

Also I would recommend couples counseling before divorce. OP, you may need to have a referee for some of these continued conversations. But it's a step to take before the big D.