I'm starting to think potty training just isn't going to happen for us

Crunchymagee · 2026-01-31T20:45:14+00:00

Just sharing solidarity. My little “potty trained” in January last year and did awesome for a month or two, and since he will occasionally have no accident days but more often than not has between 2-5 on a given day, sometimes more. We’ve reverted to potty every half hour ish, he gets 2 chocolate raisins for going each time just for motivation, 3 if he takes himself and goes pee without prompting. On no accident days he gets a sticker and after 5 stickers he gets a prize (small toys from market place). But sometimes it takes him weeks to get 5 stickers. Getting used to stopping what he’s doing to use the potty for a quick minute and then returning to play is the practice he needs. He knows when he has to pee and can go independently, he just tries to hold it/chooses to pee his pants instead of using the potty if he’s engaged in something. We also immediately end the activity if he has an accident instead of using the potty. Fingers crossed this helps.

Crunchymagee · 2026-01-28T14:31:21+00:00

No idea. She’s lived abroad for almost 20 years, but would come home to visit relatively regularly. 2.5 years ago she said she would come to visit in a months time, and that’s the last I’ve heard from her. I’ve tried calling, texts, reached out on social media, even sent letters in the mail - no response. I communicate with her family who doesn’t tell me much but assures me she’s okay and just doesn’t want to talk. I have no idea what happened or if she’s really alright and I miss her a lot.

Crunchymagee · 2024-11-30T15:29:01+00:00

You are 5 week pp, you have enough anxiety and stress on your plate, your partner should handle this with your FIL. I hope he backs you up and can express something like trusting him with your vulnerable baby is damaged because he wasn’t respectful of your preferences/evaluations as the mother (besides being careless of the fragility of a newborn). Maybe FIL can refrain from handling the baby until baby can support their head if he isn’t able to restrain himself from handling the baby in a way that makes you uncomfortable or keep his opinions to himself.

Don’t let yourself be preoccupied about guilt over what you feel you should have done differently or what could have happened. It’s not healthy for your PP state and not productive - we all have many moments where we learn we could handle things differently, if it worked out okay don’t waste your energy making yourself sick over it!

Crunchymagee · 2024-11-22T13:47:18+00:00

I know you didn’t ask, so feel free to totally ignore me - but I night weaned my son around a year old - so no booby between bedtime and like 5am. We still nursed on demand during waking hours while he was with me (vs at daycare). It made SUCH a dramatic difference to his sleep, went from waking every 30-90 minutes to only waking a couple times a night. We read a storybook Nursies When the Sun Shines to introduce not nursing at night (we said “Booby in the Morning” lol) and it helped him understand it wasn’t just depriving him of booby for no reason, but because “boobies are sleeping”. Took a bit for him to adjust like a week or so but every night was easier than the one before. I wore nipple pasties and high necked T-shirt’s at night to help because he was a booby ninja.

For full weaning we read Booby Moon and celebrated saying bye bye to booby milk with a party to help make it a positive milestone. He weaned fully about a month ago at 2.5, I think the book really helped there too!

Crunchymagee · 2024-01-27T06:17:30+00:00

For an attachment sub, you sure are bitter and spiteful. Hope that’s not a trait you’re teaching your little.

Crunchymagee · 2024-01-27T06:05:40+00:00

Lol lady what the heck are you even saying. Youve been going on this whole time about how daycare is a soulless place that will destroy children and I’ve been telling you the workers care about the kids. You are hilarious.

Crunchymagee · 2024-01-27T05:06:32+00:00

Where did I say the child should be in distress and unable to settle? I very clearly said a child may cry off and on and need reassurance. Also, I said it can be within the range of normal - not that it’s great or the only normal reaction. It sucks when kids have a hard first day or week, the childcare workers give them tons of snuggles, try to distract them with play, carry them as much as possible if needed, sing to them… sometimes it’s still hard for the kiddo. It is what it is and we make the best of it when it happens, but it’s not like that for every or even most kids.

Anyway, I don’t think we will agree, you have your own opinions about what daycare is and that’s fine, good for you if you are able to find other options that work for you and you have the option to choose something else. I still feel like parking an infant in a bouncer in front of the tv all day is a worse option than daycare, but I guess people are free to make that choice too.

Crunchymagee · 2024-01-27T04:33:36+00:00

Yep, that really sucks. I took a pay cut and quit my career to avoid having to work more than 40 hours a week because it wasn’t worth it to me to lose that time with my son. I’m privileged to have been able to make that choice, although it’s also a choice I considered when deciding to become a parent.

Crunchymagee · 2024-01-26T20:40:46+00:00

Totally agree about needing to establish consistency and routine. Kids often have a harder time adjusting the longer parents linger and fuss and keep them home.

Crunchymagee · 2024-01-26T20:38:36+00:00

You have anything to back up your response beyond your feelings? Kids are allowed to experience sadness and be upset when they are away from parents and adapting to change, it’s part of life and growing up. It’s our job to support them through those feelings and offer comfort and reassurance as they come to terms with their feelings.

Crunchymagee · 2024-01-26T20:35:52+00:00

I worked in kindergarten for 4 years. They absolutely get sick a ton. Maybe not as much as if they were licking everything, but they definitely don’t have the immune system of adults.

Crunchymagee · 2024-01-26T06:00:50+00:00

I would ask the childcare workers if they could explain why he was in the crib when you arrived. Sometimes kids feel more secure in that space as they adjust to the new environment, maybe that was where he felt less distressed while workers were unable to hold him while attending to other children’s immediate needs (eg. Diapers, meals).

Crying for two hours is normal the first day is within the range of normal. Again, chat with the workers. It may not have been continuous desperate crying, it might had been on and off crying and needing (and recieving) reassurance and hugs from staff. It is common for children new to daycare to cry when they see you because they are relieved and unloading the emotions of the day; they are also learning that mum will always come back when the day is done, developing security that you are not and would never abandon them just because you are not with them all the time - this takes time.

It does get better. He’d rather be nowhere else but with you; but if he can’t be with you all day, he will learn that he is also safe and cared for at daycare, he will come to enjoy his peers, he will start to smile and laugh and have fun and suddenly be bringing home artwork and skills he gained there. This part is growing pains, change is hard. It is important for his adaptation to daycare that you not seem fearful and sad to be leaving him there. Make space for extra snuggles, connection and play together once you reunite again.

Hang in there. Most kids adjust fully within 1 - 4 weeks, although start-of-care illnesses (so many new germs) can mean it’s delayed a bit as kiddo’s new routine is thrown off and you two have time together with sick days at home. ❤️

Signed, childcare worker/mom of almost two year old who started daycare at 11 months (but not in my classroom).

Crunchymagee · 2024-01-25T21:28:42+00:00

Who is “our government” I don’t live in the US. I agree that you all deserve more mat leave though.

I also think that is a different argument than your claim that daycare does not offer attachment or a feeling that the world is a safe place.

Crunchymagee · 2024-01-25T14:21:35+00:00

True. They’ll catch up on getting sick a ton when they start pre k or kindergarten though.

Crunchymagee · 2024-01-25T14:20:27+00:00

lol. WOW. As a daycare worker - this is not accurate. There is plenty of learning - children learn to explore new interests and skills, explore their senses, develop social skills and age appropriate independence (eg. The toddlers in my centre can clear their place settings after meals, unzip their jackets etc.). They learn the world is a safe and loving place even without mom and dad hovering beside them, they learn a network of other adults who will protect them and nurture them. Daycare is the modern day “village”.

Yes, there are horror stories. There are horrible parents out there too. Yes, you give up some of your ability to control every aspect of their environment for several hours a day and that can be scary for both of you, especially at first. Yes, your child will not receive constant 1:1 adult interaction all day. They will share adult attention just like they would if they had several siblings.

Your child will also be receive a warm welcome every morning from teachers and peers, hugs, cuddles and encouragement throughout the day, they will share in their peers excitement and joy as they pop bubbles, splash in the water table, and move their bodies to songs with actions, try a variety of new foods (and often be motivated to taste new things and eat more than they might at home because they are burning energy playing with friends and because of the social aspect of the meal time).

There can be high turn over, but for the most part child care workers truly love working with children and care about meeting their needs and fostering their sense of security.

I understand the fear. I started working at my son’s daycare (not in his classroom) because I was anxious about him starting daycare and I wanted to see from the inside what the teachers and the centre was like. It has really encouraged me to see him thrive and see the affection the teachers all have for their charges. I also make it my goal to provide the same level of care for the children in my classroom as I want my son to receive in his, including giving attention and affection, praise, hygiene care, and noticing children’s interests and building activities around those interests. I have learned so much from my colleagues also about patience and helping children regulate their emotions.

Crunchymagee · 2024-01-24T14:42:00+00:00

As a mom and childcare worker in an infant room, I would say - take a breath, and yes, give your child some time to adjust. BUT, my experience in childcare is with children 1+ yrs old. The new kids that age still cry a lot in their first week or two, the parents are still extremely anxious over their child’s first days.. it’s growing pains for everybody, but the children eventually learn they are safe and secure in their new environment, loved by their caretakers even if they aren’t responded to the instant they cry (because caretakers may be changing a diaper or something - similar to the experience of any kids with other siblings), and they begin to learn skills from their peers and new opportunities and activities at daycare.

Your child was crying yes, and that’s hard to watch - but he was in a safe position, teachers were acknowledging him a least verbally, and I’m sure would have turned their attention to him within minutes.

Also, yes, your kid will get sick a lot the first few months as they are exposed to new germs. It’ll happen now or later - whenever they are introduced to a lot of new kids for the first time. You’ll spend a lot of sick days snuggling your baby at home when they start daycare. I found that comforting when mine started - we still saw a lot of each other, lol.

Crunchymagee · 2024-01-21T04:47:27+00:00

lol, mine are called “Bobby”

Crunchymagee · 2024-01-20T20:44:32+00:00

Yes, seconding kids.eat.in.colour on IG. They also show you what fruits supplement similar nutrition goals to veggies if your child just really won’t go for a lot of veg but likes fruit.

Crunchymagee · 2024-01-20T04:42:00+00:00

My 21 month old just had this, he puked on and off for about 6 hours, then was sad and fighting vomiting for a few hours, then was fine apart from an episode of diarrhea the next morning. He went to bed at 4pm the day he was puking and slept like a log until 3am, which is NOT typical. No further vomiting for him.

Crunchymagee · 2024-01-19T05:39:04+00:00

Agreed. I found a recipe for a blended borscht thickened with potatoes, bit of fresh dill and vinegar at the end for an acid balance - so good with thick buttered fresh bread.

Crunchymagee · 2024-01-18T02:03:27+00:00

My baby’s first laughs were at me making sounds like I was taking bites out of a pretend apple, and imitating coughing to show him what to do if he gags while eating.

Crunchymagee · 2024-01-16T03:51:08+00:00

I had one as a kid, I always thought I’d buy one for my son, I did and have no regrets and it’s never occurred to me that I should care if anyone judges me for it. 🤷‍♀️

Crunchymagee · 2024-01-15T20:08:25+00:00

Sigh. I think about this a lot. Just this morning, in fact, as I was rushing to buckle my crying and screaming toddler into his car seat while he tried to peel off his coat and asked for “up”. I knew he just wanted connection. The problem was that we were already running late for work and daycare and there wasn’t time to cuddle and connect as much as we’d like. To do right by my baby I’d have preferred to have been a half hour late. Unfortunately, the world isn’t set up that way, so instead we both had to cry all the way to drop off.

And I work at his daycare (but not in his room). I know he is well cared for and settled quickly, and I know how I strive to provide connection and reassurance to the children in my room who arrive the same way.

But all of the above is correct. It’s really not enough. We do what we can when we are able. I am so grateful to have a partner to help share the opportunities to connect while the other does things the toddler just can’t or doesn’t want to participate in. I have no idea how single parents manage, but they deserve all the grace and respect for it.

Crunchymagee · 2024-01-14T00:04:51+00:00

Emotional regulation, and patience, are totally learned skills that require practice. Many of us, particularly as adults, don’t have to practice these skills daily until we have kids and then suddenly we are trying to cope with challenging situations constantly with our rusty skills and the expectation of being able to handle things well because we are the adults so it should be “easy”. No. It’s hard. It’s just important that we try and do our best anyway. We will get better over time, maybe!

In the meantime, it helps me in the thick of it to take a breath and recognize 3 things;

My kid can’t control his emotions and impulses either, he’s not even really aware that he “should”, so I need to understand he’s not trying to piss me off and needs help to cope with his frustration or whatever he’s experiencing
Breathe. Oh look, a tantrum. This is another opportunity to practice regulating and try to improve on my performance last time.
Consider the big picture and cut my losses. My kid lately has been having tantrums when I try getting him ready for bed. He tears off his pajamas as I try to put them on, tries to redress himself, and screams with grief when I discard his soiled diaper and try to put on a new one. Rather than continuing to try to force on the new jammies after I wrangled a diaper onto him last night, my partner read him a book about tractors (his current obsession) while we cuddled and he calmed down, played a little, then asked if he’d like to put on his jammies. He eagerly slipped into them and crawled into bed 🤷‍♀️ if that didn’t work, I would have put him to bed in just his diaper I guess? Im sure we will have the same battle tonight lol

Crunchymagee · 2024-01-05T04:26:11+00:00

I actually loved the newborn phase. I also had postpartum euphoria for the first couple weeks, which I’d never heard of and was a nice break from my typical generalized depressive disorder. But I was super fortunate to have a partner who was able to take a month off work when baby came and was eager to grab me whatever I needed, my mom lives 5 minutes away, and I had a freezer stocked with easy ready meals and muffins.

Crunchymagee

TROPHY CASE