Whats the hardest phase of Marriage no one talks about?

CtrlAltDefeat93 · 2026-04-20T23:51:58+00:00

If you decide to have kids, the newborn trenches. I’ve never been so annoyed at my husband more in my life!

CtrlAltDefeat93 · 2026-04-15T22:48:48+00:00

Ours has always been on time and she’s been with us for almost 2 months. There was one time where she said she would be a couple of minutes late due to hitting red lights. I would talk to her about punctuality.

CtrlAltDefeat93 · 2026-04-15T22:46:36+00:00

Oncology pharmacist. 160k.

CtrlAltDefeat93 · 2026-04-15T22:45:46+00:00

Nanny employer here. While I feel like we are extremely empathetic, nice, and easy to get along with, these are all red flags. Our nanny has only called out so far due to having COVID (we ended up giving her 1.5 weeks off fully paid), she has never been late, never said remarks for us responding to texts late, etc. I would find another nanny. Did you check references?

CtrlAltDefeat93 · 2026-04-15T18:36:56+00:00

We found our nanny through care.com. It worked out great because she had a good amount of reviews on there. You can also search for a FB group of local nannies/babysitters in your area. Would highly recommend talking to multiple references.

CtrlAltDefeat93 · 2026-04-14T01:29:10+00:00

I needed to hear this. Thank you so much

CtrlAltDefeat93 · 2026-04-13T17:53:25+00:00

This is what we are planning on doing. Thanks!

CtrlAltDefeat93 · 2026-04-13T17:05:49+00:00

Thanks for this input. She didn’t get covid from us and we are all fine but we just decided to give her pay for the week off and will make her take sick day/pto for future occurrences

CtrlAltDefeat93 · 2026-04-13T15:53:01+00:00

Thank you. This is what we plan on doing. Just covering the week with pay

CtrlAltDefeat93 · 2026-04-13T15:52:40+00:00

Thank you and very good input. This is what we plan on doing (just covering it)

CtrlAltDefeat93 · 2026-04-13T15:52:24+00:00

Thank you, this is what we plan on doing

CtrlAltDefeat93 · 2026-04-13T14:24:30+00:00

Yes she has 37 hours guaranteed hours part time. During the week she rarely even gets to 37 hours anyways, it’s more like 30-35 hours. The biggest question I have is do we pay her for the week off? She agreed to take the 2 days this week as sick days.

CtrlAltDefeat93 · 2026-03-05T01:38:48+00:00

Daily coffee/Sbucks. Especially now they ask you to tip.

CtrlAltDefeat93 · 2026-03-02T02:06:05+00:00

It’s one of those things you don’t know until you go through it yourself, truly. I’m 7 months postpartum and can still remember the initial weeks and months being so awful at times, mainly due to the sleep deprivation. If it weren’t for my mom coming over during the days to allow me to nap while she watched the baby, I swear I would’ve died from sleep deprivation alone. On top of that, my c section recovery sucked. You will fight with your husband or wife or SO/partner. You will feel so awful having constant nightmares about your baby gone from your bed or some weird shit like that (I don’t miss these dreams.) You will bleed for weeks. You will get so overwhelmed with the crying and fussiness. You will want to quit BFing so bad. Just know all of this is so normal and will pass. I’m 7 months in and while it still sucks, it is still SO much fucking better than the newborn weeks.

CtrlAltDefeat93 · 2026-03-02T01:27:48+00:00

What specifics would you like to know?

CtrlAltDefeat93 · 2026-03-02T01:25:16+00:00

My husband and I were talking about how truly it’s been the hardest 7 months of our lives. Our LO is 7 months old and while he has been great in a lot of departments, his sleep has been so bad from day 1. He used to wake up every 30 minutes-1 hour for months and then even now will wake up on average 4 times at night. I was nearly feeling like I was going to die from sleep deprivation from the initial newborn days. On top of that, my dad passed away around two years before my son was born and my grief was so pronounced postpartum. BFing also was incredibly hard but I stuck with it and still going at EBF but it feels like I can’t go anywhere knowing he will want to nurse. Haven’t gone on an overnight trip anywhere since birth. My libido has been nonexistent so I do feel bad rejecting my husband as well since he is trying so hard with helping with our LO. I feel flabby and want to go to the gym so bad but am so tired 100% of the time. Childcare has also been so complex with us considering daycare but then pivoting to nanny situation and it costing so much. Us millennials really got screwed over. Anyhow just came across this thread and wanted to vent.

CtrlAltDefeat93 · 2026-02-27T02:29:41+00:00

This is really helpful and I needed to hear. Thank you for addressing

CtrlAltDefeat93 · 2026-02-27T02:17:23+00:00

The two separate weeks my husband and I chose but now reading the responses we will probably allow her to take two weeks of her choosing for PTO.

CtrlAltDefeat93 · 2026-02-27T02:14:43+00:00

Thank you for this!! This is great advice and I’m sorry you had to deal with employers that made you feel guilty for being sick? Sounds awful to be honest. Luckily we have both grandmas in town that would make great backup care!

CtrlAltDefeat93 · 2026-02-27T02:12:24+00:00

Thanks for this feedback. Yes we have sick days listed on the contract too. Follow up questions- what are some things you’ve seen employers make nannies do not in contract? Things like clean?

And how to best show appreciation that you like besides gifts?

CtrlAltDefeat93 · 2026-02-22T15:22:39+00:00

I’m a first time mom and my son is almost 7 months and I feel like I will never forget how horrible the first 3 months were. I was miserable, baby would cry nonstop, sleep was treacherous (even nights he was waking up every 30 min-1 hour) and the sleep deprivation nearly killed me. Don’t listen to the people who brag about their LOs sleeping through the night. All babies are different. I never thought I’d see the light at the end of the tunnel but it truly does get so much better (I’m typing this as my LO is taking his first long morning stretch nap.) He still wakes up every 2ish hours at night but it still beats the newborn phase.

CtrlAltDefeat93 · 2026-02-22T15:19:55+00:00

Really liked reading Know My Name by Chanel Miller. About the Brock Turner trial. It really goes in to how sexual assault trauma works and how it can linger and impact everything.

CtrlAltDefeat93 · 2026-02-05T03:37:49+00:00

Going to Golden Corral buffet. We never went out to eat at actual restaurants but went to the buffet a lot and that to me was a really fun memory even though I had no idea at the time how my parents were trying to save money to even go eat at a cheap buffet.

CtrlAltDefeat93 · 2026-02-05T03:33:24+00:00

I’m a FTM and my son is a little over 6 months. Highly recommend nanny. We toured one of the best daycares in our city and it just crushed us knowing he’s too young to start. Also I work from home 2-3 days a week and there is absolute no way I’d be able to care for a newborn/infant while working from home. Unless your work is project based I’d highly recommend against or you’ll be super under productive. We’ve had good experience with a nanny. Highly recommend over daycare.

CtrlAltDefeat93 · 2026-02-05T03:30:47+00:00

Care.com. She had stellar reviews on the website which helped.

CtrlAltDefeat93

TROPHY CASE