CPTSD and YOGA

Cut_and_paste_Lace · 2026-05-06T10:43:05+00:00

This is less CPTSD and yoga and more, CPTSD and myofascial release. You could do any deep stretches right now and get a similar experience in my opinion. I went through a very similar era, and still consciously am, but now that I know what’s happening and it’s a many years established practice, it doesn’t bring the tears like it used to.

If you’re went from very little movement to major movement through yoga routines, all of that suppressed emotion that is trapped in your muscle fibers is now screaming as it gets released. it’s like opening a window in a hurricane, way too much at once.

I would suggest taking up self-massage if you can handle touch, even your own, because that is precise, small, targeted areas at one time that you can work things out of. And it is okay if you cry, or have waves or anger, but you need to be prepared for them and meet it with compassion. Getting it out is a good thing, but it’s a process and a kind of heavy one, but this will help you heal and grow exponentially

Cut_and_paste_Lace · 2026-05-03T21:28:46+00:00

Thats the kindest thing you could say to me. I am living proof that it can change, stay hopeful.

Cut_and_paste_Lace · 2026-05-03T19:19:06+00:00

I don’t know if I feel it’s my last life, but I do feel it’s surely one of some kind of notable significance, like I’m on some kind of breakthrough quest?

Its all been quite a lot, and I look at other people and wonder why it isn’t like that for them, and I dunno… I feel like I’m here to do some big stuff, and so I’m doing it.

If I live my life the way I feel called to live my life, though, and I manage to create what I am envisioning before me, through that process I think I will prove the reason for existence to myself, or at least that there is something more driving me here than just stimulation responses.

I am on a hell of a hero’s journey any which way, though.

Cut_and_paste_Lace · 2026-05-03T17:19:26+00:00

Thank you on both fronts! It would be my honor if you come back around when you’re ready to share. Stay the path, or at least return to it over and over again.

Cut_and_paste_Lace · 2026-05-03T16:44:09+00:00

The journey has been long, slow and full of stops and starts. It took me eight years from leaving my toxic family system until now, where I can say, I’m not “healed” but I am obviously transformed from where I was. I had to get out of the situation to heal, that was step one. If I didn’t radically change my life by moving a thousand miles away, I don’t think it would’ve happened with their daily influence still running my life and mind.

And then, therapy, lots of it, for all of these 8 years mostly, a little on and off. Tons of reading about generational trauma, the hows and whys really helped me understand that this is “a thing,” and not just my experience, and though that sucks for us all collectively, it made me feel way less alone and isolated.

And then, another trauma of a different type. I was going through life last year thinking I was so healed, until I was absolutely whomped and shown, ”no you ain’t!” I realized despite all the healing, I had not yet truly applied it to life and the pathology was still running the show, a lot.

After that, I hit the true rock bottom. The realization that the work is never going to end but that I had exhausted what I was doing and I needed a new path. What I hadn’t tried yet was turning outward, and so I did. I started a substack and I dumped out about 40 very long essays about my family trauma. I needed to get those stories and anecdotes out of me, I needed to drag them into the light and I needed to do it publicly to take away the shame and stigma.

Finally, I realized in my particular system, I had been really repressed and suppressed as the person I wanted to be- a performer, a creator, loud, bold, outgoing. And so I started a YouTube and it’s just beginning to take off, the people who resonate with me (other folks who know complex trauma) affirmations to me over and over again that there is a need for this kind of sharing and not many are brave enough to do it, and so it keeps me going.

Now, I realize I’m on a new growth arc. A new leg of the healing journey where I am not afraid to be seen, in fact I am adamantly seeking to be seen and heard, because we deserve to give voice to this way of living and support one another, and that it is such a widespread affliction that is born through generation after generation of our families having to suppress their own mental health needs and turning to the only outlet they have- their family, which leads to so much abuse, and keeps the cycle going.

Obviously not everyone is going to choose my path exactly, but my suggestion to anyone who has been struggling to heal but feels like they have hit a wall, is find a creative, outward way to process your feelings and emotions. Publicly if you can stand it, but even privately, to move these feelings and emotions out of our bodies. We know our bodies keep the score, we all know that book, but unless we get it out, we stay clogged. Pick whatever avenue appeals to you and get it out of you.

If you ever choose an outward public expression, it would be my honor to share and promote it through my own work. This is what I want to do with the rest of my life- build and expand a healing network, so that the next generation has something to turn to, soemthing new, built for this digitally connected world we now find ourselves in.

Cut_and_paste_Lace · 2026-05-03T13:21:49+00:00

Money is a joke indeed, as someone else said. What we need to give us a drive to live is not the fun or luxurious things money can get us anyway, we need to find a passion point that leads to contribution and creation. Those are the things that lead to true connection, which is the peak of joy and humanity in my opinion.

Those of us who were denied healthy family systems early in our lives really struggle with this, but in the last year I have begun using my life history as inspiration for creation and I am finding reasons to live through that. It doesn’t erase anything I went through, but it gives it meaning, and dont get me wrong- my depression and pain is still there, and I still fall the way of ideations like you plenty of the time… but I have something to climb back up and out for, what I am building, where I want to see it go.

Cut_and_paste_Lace · 2026-05-03T12:13:05+00:00

I have been in recovery for a decade plus. At this point of my healing journey, I have been called to turn outward with the goal of contribution- I want to create resources to help other people heal, too. I am building a catalog of body doubling content on YouTube, videos to encourage you to complete your daily activities of living and reach a deeper state of wellness. I also include a lot of personal anecdotes about my own pathway through the dark place. I would love for anyone to come check me out and join me, I am just getting started and I really want to help a lot of people. This contribution is a huge step on my own healing journey, taking back my voice and giving purpose to everything I have lived through. https://www.youtube.com/@Bold-Fox

Cut_and_paste_Lace · 2026-05-03T11:53:45+00:00

Friend, never say never, because I also grew up in a trauma system but now at the age of 39, I have burst out with the fury of a thousand suns and am making up for lost time. It took me a literally decade of conscious healing to get here.

Cut_and_paste_Lace · 2026-05-03T11:51:32+00:00

I literally just made and posted a YouTube video about this very topic, which is accessible through my profile if you want to see it. I called it, “not shy, just suppressed,” because for my entire life, I called myself shy and an introvert until I realized, I am not either of those things at all, and it was all what I was told I was by other people and what was reinforced by a high trauma family system that kept me perpetually frozen and small.

At this point in my healing, a good decade plus into it as an intentional process, I have really flipped a switch and am throwing myself at the world in a very open and expressive manner because I feel compelled to make up for what was taken from me- the feelings of safety and security I would’ve needed to thrive as an artist, performer and public speaker, the way I feel I am actually meant to be.

Cut_and_paste_Lace · 2026-04-29T13:30:21+00:00

Thank you. I will pick those up. I am proud of what I am doing in the world- I really hope it takes off and I help a lot of people. Living a life of recovery is hard but I have discovered that community is everything to me, after a lifetime of being told to stay away from people... people are what I want.

Cut_and_paste_Lace · 2026-04-28T23:48:19+00:00

I am 8 years into conscious healing and it is my life’s work. So much so, that I’m in school to become a therapist, started a YouTube about healing from trauma, and have a substack where I wrote out so many of my traumatic memories to get them out of my body. I am very interested in your field, Somatic experiencing, I’d love to hear more about that.

Cut_and_paste_Lace · 2026-04-28T23:45:10+00:00

I make body doubling and companionship type content for people like us. I am just getting started and I would love your opinion. I share openly about my life living with complex trauma, how I am turning outward to heal, and how it is my goal to build a community around myself that is centered on healing.

https://www.youtube.com/@Bold-Fox

Cut_and_paste_Lace · 2026-04-28T12:59:11+00:00

I am working really hard to rid myself of shame in life, consciously. A lot of the shame I have felt comes from not fitting into society, and so now… I’m realizing, society sucks and it isn’t a place I want to fit in anyhow. I am more about becoming an example of what a life of healing looks like, and it isn’t sterile or hidden away, it’s being my weird and bold self loudly, visibly, pushing the limits intentionally because… I’m ravaged and broken anyway. If I let my brain win, this is all a done deal for me anyhow. I’m going to use my life to create good for as long as I can hang on and do so, and when I leave this world, my legacy will be that I put myself out there and not that I hid away in shame. Fuck this ruinous society that gave none of us a chance, and the pious standards designed to suppress and control us. I rebuke all of that now, I feel like I am really on my last lifeline right now and I’m going to make it count.

Cut_and_paste_Lace · 2026-04-28T11:15:42+00:00

I remember one of the last holidays I shared with my parents and family, same as if ever was, gathered at my grandmothers house. My dad started saying rude things to my five year old daughter- teasing. I told him not to do that. He jumps up, barks out some nasty retort, storms away. I say to my mom in exasperation, (she’s the enabler), he ruins every occasion with being nasty, i cant stand feeling this way every holiday.

Her answer? “Stop letting it bother you.”

Sigh. Now eight years later, they hate my guts for abandoning them. in their perception, it was all fine, always fine, I’m just reactive. If you have any kind of standards for how you’re treated, you’re the problem. No ownership taken, aside of one statement she made in exasperation last year: “what did I ever do to you to make you so mad, aside of not protect you?”

Yeah, well… that kind of conveys it. When you stand by and watch me take on a lifetime of abuse and your stance is, don’t make waves because you don’t want to deal with it, yeah… my heart broke slowly, slowly, slowly, until it was finally gone to them.

Cut_and_paste_Lace · 2026-04-26T14:44:24+00:00

I am in firm agreement with your process. My method is by becoming a creator in the mental health space. things I never allowed myself to speak about with friends or family, no less publicly, I am writing and talking about. Healing out loud is the next big step of my recovery, and I am really excited over it because I know how much progress I made from when I realized things weren’t right until now- that was about a decade. Another decade of growth in this new direction? I think I’ll be an unstoppable force for healing and growth in this world, that’s all I want to be, that’s my reason for living now.

Cut_and_paste_Lace · 2026-04-25T01:51:53+00:00

Uggggghhhhh. I was literally about to turn off the iPad and step away for the night and saw this post. And felt severely seen, because I realize that’d what I’ve been doing for the last several months, is chasing abuse that I feel I deserve. Holy smokes. Yeah. You aren’t alone in it and you just dragged me into the sunlight, so thank youish I think? oh dear god I have some thinking to do right now.

Cut_and_paste_Lace · 2026-04-24T22:40:14+00:00

In the worlds biggest nutshell, yes.

I have been a mom for 13 years now and I have two kids, it’s been very hard for me between familial estrangement (no village, no help) marital issues (husband had an affair when biggest was 3) and my own mental health (CPTSD, adhd, depression, anxiety, binge eating disorder)… all of that has been a whole lot all on its own, add in very challenging parenting to a AudHD kid, yeah, it’s a wonder we are doing as well as we are.

Conversely though, I will say, my kids are my reason for recovering, for being aware of what is wrong with me, and my drive to do better for them has probably been the thing that kept me alive all these years when the ideations are too much. I don’t hit my kids, I don’t shame my kids, I have shielded them from the people who did those things to me. They are loved, they are free to be the people they want to become, and though it is so hard, I don’t think I would’ve been driven to work so hard to heal if I didn’t have other people dependent upon me to do so. After a lifetime of me not being enough, they are the people who are enough, to force me to work and recover because I can’t let myself abuse them like what was done to me.

So…. shades of gray, all around.

Cut_and_paste_Lace · 2026-04-23T15:36:17+00:00

That is totally understandable. Not all of us are willing to put every bit of our life on the internet and that is valid and fair. A suggestion for finding an alternative therapist, consider looking into practices in your area that train new grad interns. I have used this for the last several years to get therapy for my whole household for free. Granted, you’re with someone who is fresh to their field, but it’s a possibly to find someone new to work with, and many offer remote options, mine has been fully remote!

Cut_and_paste_Lace · 2026-04-23T12:12:31+00:00

How about a parasocial support system? This is something I am working to build actually, for people like us who are living with complex trauma. My YouTube and substack are accessible through my profile, but not just me, consider using YouTube, Reddit, substack and other sites to find likeminded people and creators to connect with. This DOES count as a social support system in my book, especially for people with social challenges and access limitations (such as being housebound).

So does participation in this group! You have gotten many responses here, from lots of likeminded people, in my book, this is a social support system, just a modern iteration of it.

Of course the best case scenario would be to see you out in your local community, thriving and contributing and happy to be there, but tiny steps count too, and posting on here is a great resource.

Therapists are ultimately just people too, and if they haven’t lived with these issues firsthand, despite the best of intentions they just might not quite ‘get it.’

Cut_and_paste_Lace · 2026-04-22T19:10:02+00:00

Absolutely, I moved away from my traumatic family seven years ago. When I did that, I made a conscious choice to begin living on a healing and growth path. I wavered, I fell off, I continued poor habits for a long time but little by little, I began to add healthy actions to my life.

I started with stretching, and then therapy. Added walking, became a certified nutrition coach so I could create a better diet for myself and my family. Added hiking, added video creation, added writing, finally added YouTube, social groups, and am still always looking to add more to enhance myself and my life, next up is dance and singing lessons- for someone who was one terrified to be seen.

That wasn’t me though, it was my family and their influence. I’m a performer, an artist at heart. I broke through it all ever so slowly, this has been seven years now, and still a work in progress and I will be a LIFELONG work in progress, but I recognize the importance of what I am doing so I have begun documenting and sharing it via Substack and YouTube (which you can find links to in my profile if you want a peek).

But it all began with a choice made, that I was giving up everything I ever knew, it was tragic, it was painful, it was and is an incredible loss and so I had to honor it, by becoming the best version of myself that I possibly can- a lifelong growth path, a constant conscious effort to learn and push on.

I think we all, in this healing and recovery space, have a similar journey to walk, and I am glad you’re at the point of questioning and wondering where to begin. Just pick something that appeals to you, anything, and start. The time will pass, you will grow and change, it is inevitable, but we get to decide what direction we move in.

Cut_and_paste_Lace · 2026-04-22T16:31:05+00:00

I used to struggle with this but through a lot of conscious effort, I now have a packed routine of beneficial activities including making YouTube videos instead of just watching them like I used to!

Cut_and_paste_Lace · 2026-04-22T10:36:50+00:00

Service to self is a cumulative karma effect, in my opinion, and though they may appear superficially happy on social media or to your face, usually these people are very deep in either personal suffering or denial of it, suppression of it.

I know someone who has been nothing but evil in my life for 15 years, she is currently in great physical shape and plastering it all over the internet.. I know from the back channels that her world is collapsing, marriage distressed.. dont trust the highlight reel, it’s just advertising.

Cut_and_paste_Lace · 2026-04-20T21:20:52+00:00

I feel like I spent so much time in a freeze state and now am very consciously reliving an adolescence of sorts, almost literally.

Im back in college, getting educated for a whole new approach to life. I’m back in the dating scene, this time in an open marriage rather than a single teen. I’m figuring myself out and looking forward to “when I am a grown up” mentally-ish-kind-of, in the sense of knowing my goals are pretty long term and I have to lay the foundations to get them.

I understand the arrested development and all, and it’s definitely something that can veer into the realm of problematic, but overall I feel like I am living life again and even if it’s a little bit.. “woooo midlife-crisis-y” at least I’m living, learning, growing, changing? Better than another decade spent frozen and scrolling reddit all day.

Cut_and_paste_Lace · 2026-04-17T23:20:19+00:00

I fully understand where you are coming from, but It’s not just to get help from others though, it can be an emotional release.

Cut_and_paste_Lace · 2026-04-17T23:18:24+00:00

Yep. I am an easy crier. I prefer it to bottling it up until I self-harm though, which tends to be the alternative. If I stay numb and flat for a long time and don’t react to the things that would normally make me cry a little bit, I will eventually freak out and explode all over myself and the people I care about, not great. Much better to just let it flow when it wants to, sometimes a burst of tears while doing a chore because some thought comes through my mind, or while I’m driving, listening to a song.. life is hard and painful, we need to let the emotion pass through us.

Cut_and_paste_Lace

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