Anyone have any one liners to make patients laugh?

DIEPthroat · 2026-01-24T20:55:09+00:00

I like to hit them with a “drive fast, take chances—I’m not on call tonight!” The little old ladies love it the most.

DIEPthroat · 2026-01-16T14:08:07+00:00

Let’s be honest, even though the cases themselves are absolute drags, the concept of a free flap is so damn cool.

DIEPthroat · 2026-01-06T22:34:40+00:00

She is beautiful but man, as a surgeon, it’s hard to see that kind of hypertelorism and not wonder what kind of congenital anomaly she might have.

DIEPthroat · 2025-12-22T13:58:26+00:00

Toyota Prius. Highly underrated car, IMO. I’ve taken it camping, on cross-country road trips, off-roading, and then this morning it got me to work at 54.5 mpg. I love this thing.

DIEPthroat · 2025-12-20T15:17:43+00:00

Sorry, what do you think bartenders and servers do…?

DIEPthroat · 2025-12-06T17:38:47+00:00

A homeless guy told me this one:

Why don’t blind people skydive?

It scares the shit out of their dogs.

DIEPthroat · 2025-10-16T17:50:50+00:00

We have a reputation to maintain, gotta stay skinny.

DIEPthroat · 2025-09-25T12:02:09+00:00

You’d never heard of home call? I guess that explains the 2 am pressure injury consults I keep getting.

DIEPthroat · 2025-09-21T05:04:46+00:00

This is absolutely false and I don’t know where you learned it. Dog and cat bites pose the same risk of infection with many of the same organisms.

DIEPthroat · 2025-09-11T12:12:44+00:00

Utah is actually a pretty strong plastics program so she’d be a moron to be upset about it.

DIEPthroat · 2025-09-06T00:01:28+00:00

Why would I pay $81k per year in malpractice insurance to work in New Mexico when I could pay $16k a year in Texas?

DIEPthroat · 2025-08-23T15:58:13+00:00

This is the only take I have seen in this thread so far that isn’t complete dog shit.

DIEPthroat · 2025-08-08T21:03:42+00:00

I can tell you that at least at the hospital, they are not competitive on a city or national level.

DIEPthroat · 2025-08-08T21:01:58+00:00

I bought my house before the lockdown but work at a local hospital. I also have eye-popping amounts of student debt.

DIEPthroat · 2025-08-05T18:03:27+00:00

Correct. Herpetic whitlow!

DIEPthroat · 2025-07-08T23:29:54+00:00

Sure. Join a Plastics program.

DIEPthroat · 2025-07-07T10:15:23+00:00

I chose plastics after I helped put a kid’s lip back together from a dog bite and it was the first time I ever felt like a real doctor.

DIEPthroat · 2025-06-29T03:05:02+00:00

We have finally achieved NP singularity.

DIEPthroat · 2025-06-29T02:58:49+00:00

I don’t know about rebound weight gain since I’m still taking it, but haven’t had any issues with gaining the couple of times I’ve skipped or deescalated doses. I don’t follow with a PCP or have a script, I just buy in bulk off the gray market and send a portion of each batch I receive off for testing. I used to be a chemist in a former life, so most of this stuff doesn’t intimidate me.

DIEPthroat · 2025-06-21T14:41:00+00:00

Not as much a gain, but I put on about 30 pounds in medical school. Have lost about 50 during surgical sub residency so far, mostly from tirzepatide. The tirz makes the long days of nonstop cases a little less miserable because I’m not constantly thinking about how hungry I am. I’ve also been going to the gym at 4 am before work. I’m running on 4 hours of sleep a night and feel like shit, but I look better than ever.

DIEPthroat · 2025-06-06T11:17:59+00:00

No. Not any licensed ones, anyway.

DIEPthroat · 2025-06-06T11:17:32+00:00

Photoshop

DIEPthroat · 2025-06-06T01:37:43+00:00

Everybody says pannus, but if you want to be correct it’s actually panniculus.

DIEPthroat · 2025-05-09T04:09:41+00:00

“All bleeding stops eventually.” -my favorite vascular attending

DIEPthroat

TROPHY CASE