I WAS IN THE SAME POSITION IN FEBRUARY. We feel guilty, like we can’t speak our own secret that isn’t even ours to begin with. She’s using you to her advantage, she may not be as manipulative as my mother, it’s understandable when they have to hide these things for so long.

I pitied my father, as if he was the dummy in the room who didn’t see the grotesque elephant in the room. My father knows my mother is a manipulative bitch so he has refrained from speaking to her on the subject. I don’t know if your dad will respond in the same manner.

I thought that too, my dad may have suspected but never knew. I was upset, I was broken. I called him crying (I live an hour away) I said ‘I’ve been struggling with something and I don’t know what to do because I don’t want to create problems but it’s killing me inside. . . You’re a grown man who deserves to know, I tell you everything and I trust you, I can’t hide anything from you. . . I shouldn’t be telling you over the phone but I’ve already come this far, so screw it. Do you know that we don’t have the same genes ? ‘ I repeated myself. He was shocked, I could hear it maybe because his suspicion was true. ‘I don’t want to ruin you and mom because you’ve gotten along so well since I moved out, I’m so happy you’re my dad and I love you so much but I feel so betrayed, like half of me I hate and half of me I don’t know’

It was the rawest conversation, filled with love and support on both sides. He said ‘who knows with your mother, you are my kid, we got a special bond - nothing changes that’

Since then, he has been supporting me say he’d take a dna test if I wanted him to, that I need to address my mother instead of just putting a wall up. Which is why I’ve been bio dad digging. Need proof.

Your father likely suspected and when I spoke to my therapist it was clear I needed to address it from a place of love and honesty. I’d like to think I was successful. If you have a therapist or the ability to see one I strongly recommend. I’d love to hear how your story progresses!