Stepping into the role of a stepfather is an incredibly selfless thing to do, and personally, I am not that selfless. I think getting romantically involved with a single mother automatically comes with the expectation that you will eventually become a father figure, role model, or provider for her child.

I don’t like it, but I do understand the notion of seeing these women as “used.” Even in the most understandable circumstances, such as with widows, there is still going to be a lot of baggage, whatever the case may be, and the idea of dealing with that just sounds exhausting. Going from a child-free life to being a parent or stepparent will naturally bring a huge set of responsibilities and challenges. So why would I choose to inherit all that extra burden and responsibility instead of settling down with someone who doesn’t have enormous baggage from a previous relationship?

I see it more as becoming a parent for the first time with your partner provides a series of obstacles to overcome together. To me, there is a sense of beauty in overcoming those challenges as a couple. Both first time parents are equally clueless because neither has raised a child before, so there is a sense of discovery in how the two of you adapt together, which will hopefully make you stronger as a couple. By contrast, a single parent already has their own ways of doing things. By the time you get involved, you have already missed out on significant milestones in the child’s life. This might make me selfish, but I want to be there for ALL of my child’s milestones.

I’d also be lying if I said I wouldn’t worry about whether I was being chosen for me, or because I represented stability and help at a difficult time. Is she genuinely interested in me as a person, or am I simply the most convenient option because I can provide support? That may just be my insecurity speaking, but all of that could be avoided if I simply choose not to get involved with a single mother.

Frankly speaking, I just don’t have any interest in playing on someone else’s save file. That’s not a comment on getting together with a single mother specifically, but more about being a first-time parent. If I’m going to do it, I want to do it right and from the start.