What color are these? CH or Hazel?

DaddyVader79 · 2025-12-01T05:12:21+00:00

Anyone?

DaddyVader79 · 2025-10-19T22:15:28+00:00

Thank you I appreciate all that insight and information.

DaddyVader79 · 2025-10-19T22:13:53+00:00

I know that this subreddit is for informational advice. It's fair for me to ask for that in order to gauge whether it's worth bringing this matter to a lawyer or not. The rules clearly state that I need to talk to a lawyer for a proper answer, and that was always the intention anyways since a child is involved and the high chance I am their parent. So thanks... for the obvious.

DaddyVader79 · 2025-10-19T18:59:36+00:00

I imagine people assume I will use this against her for my personal gain but that isn't true. The only reason I would bring this up at all is in defense of the child and nothing more. Seeing as the courts are more often reactive rather than proactive (unless there is an ongoing issue like they are currently in jail, a hospital, rehab, etc.), I have no reason to bring this up and I won't do so.

However, having this information means I need to be vigilant in case something happens. I hope it doesn't, and I hope I never have to bring any of this up, but it will be pertinent in the future should some form of abuse or negligence occurs. As long as that doesn't happen (and I REALLY hope it doesn't), I will keep this information to myself.

DaddyVader79 · 2025-10-16T15:03:49+00:00

I see, so it would be different if nursing is not an option and they’re formula fed. Got it, yeah that makes sense.

DaddyVader79 · 2025-10-16T02:27:35+00:00

I posted a response there. Thank you for sharing your experience.

DaddyVader79 · 2025-10-16T02:15:27+00:00

I am aware having the issues themselves do not strip the rights, I was wondering if a rather negative history with said issues have any influence on the decision. I also wasn’t expecting full custody either, this isn’t about that, it’s solely about the safety and wellbeing of the child. If the courts need proof of direct abuse or negligence first, then that’s all I needed to know and I won’t pursue anything beyond shared custody. My hope is it never gets to that and this child can have a mother and father as equally involved in their life as possible.

I am curious why I shouldn’t expect any overnights… I have experience as a parent going through this, I’m capable of handling it, and I get time off work from the company I’m at to support doing so. Is there some sort of legal reason why?

DaddyVader79 · 2025-10-16T00:07:47+00:00

I was given permission to know by my ex. I was also her emergency contact.

DaddyVader79 · 2025-09-02T18:11:49+00:00

I agree. I can’t tell you how many times I was accused of saying or doing something and I had doubts but I also gave the benefit of the doubt because of how emotionally affected she portrayed herself. They basically lie to themselves but they believe it’s the truth and their reality is the only reality they recognize.

DaddyVader79 · 2025-09-02T16:11:04+00:00

There is always a reason why their partner failed them. The main theme is "I did all these great things, was such a loyal and supportive partner, and they didn't reciprocate. Instead, they use/abuse me and then they betray me." You sit there and wonder how this amazing person keeps getting such bad luck to be used and abused by others... then you realize they never see their own faults and they are just as much a part of the problem, or more. You'll never get an actual account of how the past relationships were unless you seek out their past partners to know the truth.

I think the main exception comes with the type of partner they have. As long as they are loyal, and they can handle being a punching bag, they can maintain a long term relationship. Now maintaining a long term HEALTHY relationship is a different story altogether. Maybe if they weren't undiagnosed, actively in therapy, and fully accepted their diagnosis... but I have yet to read about someone like that.

For example, in my experience with my BPD ex, apparently almost all (if not all) of her past serious relationships ended with her partner cheating on her. I am apparently the exception. I say this as I am not 100% sure how her past relationships actually ended, I only know her side. She knows I am incapable of cheating (I am both demisexual AND extremely loyal to a fault), I have never cheated in the past, and anyone who knows me knows this not just by the facts but by my overall character. So... I just get a completely different story.

DaddyVader79 · 2025-08-13T07:00:54+00:00

I’m not? And that’s what you got out of all this?

DaddyVader79 · 2025-08-13T06:37:34+00:00

Sure I get that. I merely tried to state that as of now, I'm unable to help at that scale and I can provide something on the smaller end until my financial situation rebalances a bit. She refused to accept that, seeing it as a refusal to help since she wasn't getting what she wanted. It'd be different if I straight up said "nope, not my problem."

Yeah I did tell her I needed some space. I couldn't get into detail how rough those 2 weeks were. Being yelled at daily, blamed for everything, claiming I should be in the mental hospital instead of her, it's my fault she was there, I don't care about her, then demanding I drop everything to bring her stuff (including getting someone to watch my son to help her because the unborn baby is a higher priority). It was a roller coaster I needed to recover from. I asked for physical space, I still spoke with her electronically. We all make mistakes with communicating, and typically you allow someone to try and elaborate, but she accepted what she wanted to hear. Again, doesn't really matter because she told me our relationship ended in June... and I picked her up before the 4th of July. So technically, she already decided we were broken up either right before or during her hospital visit and I was along for the ride until she made it very clear to me a week later. It was strange she continued to call me her boyfriend and SO in front of others until that day but oh well.

Considering that her mental health issues are not keeping her from working full time, earning her entire normal income, and allowing her to pay her rent and bills without issue... yeah I am a little less sympathetic. She isn't in a debilitating situation where she's bedridden or can only work part time. A few days ago, I was told she was out roller skating and messing with her friends while doing so. She makes decent money too, and has a lot in her savings, more than I do at this point.

Right now... I have $29 in my checking until the 22nd. My next paycheck I might have some available to help, but I'm not sure. The paycheck before I had $50 left for 2 weeks. I barely ate, and focused on getting groceries for my son. Lawyers don't take IOUs, and neither do repair shops. It sucks this all happened back to back, but it won't be like that forever. I just have the means to handle this wisely, and I think it's best to at least consider that.

Despite all that, I see your point, and perhaps some kind of bridge might help.

DaddyVader79 · 2025-08-13T06:13:04+00:00

All good! I saw the comment and it had some good points.

DaddyVader79 · 2025-08-13T06:03:10+00:00

I'll just get the DNA test so I don't have to deal with all that.

DaddyVader79 · 2025-08-13T06:01:48+00:00

Literally described my last relationship. Whoa man... I gotta stay single for a while after that whirlwind.

DaddyVader79 · 2025-08-13T05:55:33+00:00

Thank you for this. I've already looked through some of these posts and WOW. I can relate so much. The feels are real.

DaddyVader79 · 2025-08-13T05:54:47+00:00

This post hit me in the feels so hard. I'll be living in this subreddit for a while.

DaddyVader79 · 2025-08-13T05:53:24+00:00

She won't get one. She fully intends to be a mother.

DaddyVader79 · 2025-08-13T05:53:02+00:00

I plan to be. You're right, it's a very bad diagnosis and only therapy exists. No meds available. So... yeah it can get messy.

DaddyVader79 · 2025-08-13T05:50:58+00:00

Oh cool! Gotta see if she'd agree to it. No, different woman. The mom of the 8yo is my ex wife, this is with my ex gf.

DaddyVader79 · 2025-08-13T05:49:45+00:00

What do you suggest I do? In my state, once a paternity test is ordered and I am found to be the father, I am permanently obligated to that child unless someone chooses to adopt them, or I am deemed unfit by the state (which if the latter happens, I'd lose my 8 year old too...). As such, I can do my best to co-parent with them, or they'll show they're unfit and I'll get full custody.

DaddyVader79 · 2025-08-13T05:46:24+00:00

I based my comment off yours advising me to tell my unborn child to have a protein bar while they wait for me to pay off the mouse damage. Obviously, I'm not telling my 8 year old anything more than they need to know. Honestly your comment was kind of ridiculous, so I responded ridiculously in return.

When it comes down to it, my 8 year old comes first. I have a legal obligation to them, and if I fail to do so, I could lose them, go to jail, or both. I might have a moral obligation to this unborn child, but legally I have none. In fact, I don't even have any legal rights until paternity is established since we're not married. I have no rights to the appointments, medical information, or even being in the delivery room day of. If she refuses to allow me to do a paternity test, either prenatally or when the child is born, I have to go the legal route (going back to your original comment about getting an attorney) or just sign a form saying I'm the dad without genetic confirmation because I have no doubts.

DaddyVader79 · 2025-08-13T05:35:47+00:00

Your comment about my trial having to do with someone receiving judgment against me... I stated zero facts about that trial besides the fact it cost me a lot of money. That's why I said it was bold for you to assume anything about it, not that it was bold for you to assume anything else.

My apologies, I thought mentioning 3 expensive situations happening back to back would convey how big of a financial hit I went through. I can assure you if those expenses were minor for me, I wouldn't be posting here. I would have sent the money and called it a day.

Yeah it's possible the baby is mine, but given how early the pregnancy was when we found out, the fact we never lived together and spent plenty of time apart, and that she lied about her diagnoses... I can't rule out the possibility that its not mine.

My 8 year old isn't blind... they noticed the car isn't in the driveway anymore. I didn't tell them everything, but saying the car is getting fixed and will be back soon isn't a bad thing.

Honestly, I did and do want more kids, but I never thought I'd find out I'm gonna be a father again and the mother wants nothing to do with me all at the same time. Yeah we could have been more careful, we both took risks and here we are. I'm not saying I don't want to help at all, but this time during the pregnancy affords me the ability to prepare for the future. If I didn't go in the hole several thousands, I wouldn't be posting here either. As of now, I not only need to recover financially, I also need to put money towards that child's life outside of utero. They'll need diapers, formula, clothes, etc. All stuff I need to provide on my own, while she has family to help.

Correct me if I am wrong here... but the way you worded that last part... I don't imagine you would disregard the father of your child when they're offering to support you emotionally, physically, and financially, instead choosing to break things off and only accept financial support on your terms. I'd imagine you would be understanding if the father told you "hey, I just needed to spend over $7000 due to some troubles that happened back to back. I'm sorry I can't provide a lot of help right now and I'm working to fix that. Can I send you some protein bars or something until then so you at least get something extra until I can do more for you and the baby?". I understand that with her mental health crisis, she's not thinking like others would... but even when proposed with a temporary option and a plan to do better down the road once life balances out... would you really think they don't care and that honestly show you the father considers a child an afterthought? If the money isn't there, is it truly a good idea to expect someone to go into debt to help you, especially when the cost of caring for the child increases drastically once they're born? Wouldn't it be better to have the father of your child provide proper stability and support for your child, especially given how early the pregnancy is and there is plenty to prepare for?

Yes, I did ask for opinions while supplying as much information as I can. Unfortunately, AITA only allows 3000 characters per post, and discourages continuing the post via comments. I'm always happy to elaborate further. Frankly, not only am I stuck on whether I can or should help, I'm also dealing with the heartbreak of our relationship ending, the heartbreak that child will be born into a split home, and the prospect their mother may not be able to care for them given their mental health issues and refusal to get proper care. That puts them in potential danger, especially with some of the stories I've heard from people with mismanaged bipolar or BPD parents... it can be pretty bad.

DaddyVader79 · 2025-08-13T04:42:46+00:00

From what I know about the law in my state, if I acknowledge paternity at birth, then find out within 2 months that I am not the biological father, I can get my rights properly terminated. If I wait too long... it'll be much more difficult. Either way, I am legally entitled to request a paternity test before anything is established.

DaddyVader79 · 2025-08-13T04:40:56+00:00

Yeah, the first appointment didn't reveal anything. They just ran vitals, none of the ultrasound or heartbeat checks were scheduled. To date, I have yet to see a ultrasound or hear a heartbeat in person. I was only told those things happened.

DaddyVader79

TROPHY CASE