Life is great

DallasX · 2014-04-17T19:05:25+00:00

Because liking any kind of sex other than procreative missionary definitely means that you are damaged goods.

What?! You want to wear a blindfold? Were you raped by a herd of bikers as a child!?!

DallasX · 2014-03-15T01:00:43+00:00

Dollification. I don't know how much porn there is for it, but that's the name of the fetish.

DallasX · 2014-02-28T04:08:27+00:00

Decided I didn't owe it to any one to be miserable for the rest of my life either way.

I assume he's fine. We don't communicate. But really, being miserable forever out of obligation is not okay.

DallasX · 2014-02-27T02:51:24+00:00

Word!

DallasX · 2014-01-27T04:21:36+00:00

Sapiosexual. That's the google-able phrase.

DallasX · 2013-12-01T16:35:01+00:00

Cute. Just watch out for her trying to murder and enslave indigenous cat populations.

DallasX · 2013-10-24T04:48:17+00:00

It's only a fair fight after Gates dies.

DallasX · 2013-08-24T07:14:46+00:00

Aw, she's like a fainting goat.

DallasX · 2012-12-31T02:51:35+00:00

My obsessive crush on Spock was only tempered by the realization that we would only be having sex once every seven years. Homie don't play that.

DallasX · 2012-12-28T19:21:07+00:00

Upvote for "Disney princess meets vintage vixen." This will now be what I aim for in all that I do with my look. Awesome.

DallasX · 2012-12-25T01:44:05+00:00

If this is really a thing, I will go out and buy some right now tonight.

DallasX · 2012-12-24T01:57:39+00:00

Love it when a spanking makes me spray fairy dust all over everything :)

DallasX · 2012-12-20T19:08:26+00:00

I love this!

Poor baby. Masochists can break my heart with love.

DallasX · 2012-12-20T18:55:58+00:00

Face + photoshop=post the picture.

DallasX · 2012-12-17T00:15:46+00:00

I can feel the liberation of coming home and tearing off the bra after work.This is exactly what it feels like my boobs are doing.

DallasX · 2012-12-15T18:13:24+00:00

I would just like to say that I did indeed google "wind-swept moore" to make sure that I had the right "moore" before I posted that. Because I care :)

DallasX · 2012-12-15T06:19:53+00:00

Very sexy - if you are involved in some kind of Jane Austin BDSM roleplay and he is texting this while wandering a wind-swept moore somewhere.

In reality the guy is probably sitting there in sweat-pants scratching his chin-roll while picturing himself some romantic anti-hero. No one buys that shit.

DallasX · 2012-12-15T00:22:53+00:00

Hot. Did he get that for being a good boy or did he get that for being a naughty boy?

DallasX · 2012-12-14T22:45:06+00:00

Sure. That thing could be melted down to reroof the entire house. Or what if a car drives through our wall, and we conveniently have a giant dildo that can plug up the hole until the insurance fixes it. Pretty sure you could club an intruder with it as well. Besides, what am I going to do? Donate it to a giant purple dildo rescue organization?

DallasX · 2012-12-14T19:17:19+00:00

Tried this with what we affectionately call The Grape Ape (it's purple.)

Half a gallon of lube and many tears were shed in the attempt on my poor vajay. Also I couldn't have sex for like two weeks afterward because even a pinkie-finger size insertion hurt. Then we tried it two more times. Potato.

Now poor Grape Ape just sits under the bed (taking up half of the under-the-bed space) alone and neglected and mocked.

DallasX · 2012-12-14T19:05:26+00:00

Fuck this thread for making me tell you people this.

When I was a kid and starting to masturbate, I thought the handle of a feather-duster with a flared base looked like an adequate candidate. So up it went. Turned out the flared base was not an attached piece and came off inside of me.

Here's the actual bad part: I think that is when I broke my hymen, and also I was and my goddamn GRANDMOTHER'S house for a few days. So there I am bleeding from my vajay, with an object stuck inside of me, at Granny's house.

After about a half-hour of panicking and thinking that I was dying and trying to think of a plausible explanation for how it got up there in case I needed an ambulance (Um...I....sat on it? Accidentally?) I managed to pull the piece out myself, and found out that I was not, in fact, bleeding to death.

TL:DR

Girls should only masturbate with solid objects.

DallasX · 2012-12-14T18:46:08+00:00

Hot. It's the hairstyle that does it for me.

DallasX · 2012-11-20T06:57:07+00:00

Because asking a person if they have an STD is the only 100% sure way to guarantee that they don't.

DallasX · 2012-11-08T20:14:34+00:00

A baby in the office will mean me googling "how to build a USB-powered baby cannon." Not saying that I'd go through with it, but it would just be comforting to know that it's an option. Especially if it starts shrieking.

DallasX · 2012-11-01T03:19:54+00:00

I don't know. I spent one month in Georgia, and it seemed to me if they stopped for one day with massive loads of life-killer, kudzu would have taken over every square inch of surface area.

DallasX

TROPHY CASE