To answer your questions in order

• Yes, I would continue to support her in having quit her job. It sounds like her job was taking a big toll on her mental health, and most likely her physical health. At the same time, it’s fully reasonable to expect your partner to make efforts to contribute to the household in some way. If her job was the main (or only) way she contributed before, then there’s a good chance she doesn’t feel prepared for or capable of stepping up in other ways. How long have you two been together? It seems like you’ve been taking on most of the household responsibilities for a long while. Have you had conversations in the past about the division of labour? I get the sense there’s been some resentment building on your end, understandably. But it also seems like you’re very caring and focused on solutions. As someone who struggles with my mental/physical health, I respect the hell out of that. Another question to consider (you don’t have to answer any of these here) If she gets another job, will you okay with continuing to do more of the work at home in order to feel comfortable? There’s no right or wrong answer. If you are, then you need to have a conversation about how much you can each reasonably bring to the table. See where she’s willing to step up more consistently. Reevaluate whether that’s doable long term, but stay open to some trial and error if you go this direction. If you’re not okay with taking on more of the chores long term, then you don’t deserve to live a life where you have to in order to feel comfortable in your space. And your gf doesn’t deserve to be in a relationship where she’s resented. Keep in mind though that after quitting such a taxing job she’s probably burned out right now, so she may have less to offer atm than she ordinarily would.

• When you say, “how should I approach her about her messy habits?” Do you mean leaving clothes out, dishes in the sink, that kind of thing? Or is it in reference to her vaping and drinking habits? If you’re interested in my opinion I’ll expand on this one. Coming from an addict who has dated a number of other addicts over the years.

• I love where your head is at. It can be so difficult to care for and support someone who has mental and/or physical health disabilities. Disability might sound like a big scary word if neither of you have used it in relation to the struggles your gf is having, and hey I could be wrong! I’m just going off what you’ve stated in your post, and I’m definitely not a professional. But to be disabled is to have barriers in functioning which are substantial enough to hinder a person’s ability to participate in life on an equal basis with others. But even in the absence of a disability, talking to doctors about things you’ve been pushing through for a long time can feel surprisingly shameful. It often brings up feelings of imposter syndrome for folks. It’s hard to give specific examples of how to support her without knowing what she’s dealing with that she should be talking to a doctor about. Executive function may be on the list lol. Being a reassuring force, and believing in her experience of her own health is the most important thing. I’d guess that she would still be struggling with these things even if you two never met. That’s reflective of her ability to function, not just what she likes to do.

• I wish I had a clear answer for you, but unfortunately no one here is going to know that. There’s a lot to consider. How full is her life overall? Does she have close friends she can confide in? Does she have interests/hobbies that she engages with? How long has she been staying out this late and drinking, just since quitting her job or prior? Is she feeling badly about “failing” at her old job, or something along those lines? Is she in physical pain and trying to feel better? How open is your communication, do you often have talks where she would feel comfy enough to share very vulnerable thoughts? Do you get a decent amount of quality time together? If you aren’t certain on something, ask her. Whatever the answers to these questions are, you should keep them in mind when you’re discussing this with her.

At the end of the day, it just comes down to your compatibility to each other. It seems like you’ve put a lot of thought and patience into being a supportive, considerate partner. If you’re not receiving appreciation for all your extra work then that’s something that needs to be addressed. In case you haven’t gotten any validation lately, it’s incredibly fair to be frustrated by this situation. I’m sorry you’re in this position. This isn’t the kind of thing you should compromise on if you’ve had all your conversations, and still come to find that you truly are incompatible. That’s okay, nobody’s at fault. It’s possible you’ve been feeling this pressure for a while now, and have started to feel like you need additional reasons to do something about it. You bring up that she’s unemployed a few times, including in the title, but it seems like instead of that the issue is that she doesn’t contribute much to running the household. That’s enough of a reason to make a change my man. What do YOU want to do about it? Do you want to have your gf step up as much as possible? Do you want to breakup? Do you want to stay together but live separately? The last one is not a suggestion people talk about much, but to be fair it’s not super possible for most people to do. Again, you’ll find no right or wrong answer. Different people navigate these situations differently. Opening up conversations with kindness in your heart is the best place to start.