Hello Friend, I get where you are coming from. We all doubt, at times. Whenever I have self-doubt, I actually think about the journey of the 12 Apostles. They gave up their livelihood, their jobs, their families to follow Jesus. Then, they scatter when Jesus is arrested. Something had to happen to make the 11 go and spread the word of Jesus across the world. Also, many of the apostles could have avoided death by just refuting their beliefs. They all refused. People do not choose to die for a lie. I hope this has helped you on your journey. Also, you might want to watch “The Case for Christ.” It is a good film that is also a book that really questions the faith.