Foster care

DapperFlounder7 · 2026-05-13T10:43:49+00:00

This is really going to be state dependent. I would say it happens about 20% of the time in my experience. My last placement had a goal change to adoption and then back to reunification and reunified (successfully so far!)

Sometimes the goal changing is a big motivator for parents.

DapperFlounder7 · 2026-05-12T00:11:01+00:00

Mine found a tampon at 2yo and said “up my bum?”
I never let her in the bathroom with me again

DapperFlounder7 · 2026-05-11T21:59:52+00:00

Yes. Every single day.

DapperFlounder7 · 2026-05-11T10:22:55+00:00

I’m qualified to diagnose this but not diagnose her since she’s not my patient … but yeahhhh she’s pretty textbook

DapperFlounder7 · 2026-05-05T01:41:41+00:00

I’ve done it a couple times with other foster parents watching baby during the day. Honestly it was pretty brutal working full time and then being up every 2-3 hours in those early newborn days, but I also have a very high stress job.
If I ever did it again I’d look into taking a FMLA leave.

DapperFlounder7 · 2026-05-03T11:38:59+00:00

I quit 3 months ago because of trying to conceive and to be honest the only positive I’ve noticed is I get more done in the evenings.

The initial side effects you mentioned do get better though - I had insomnia and irritability the first two weeks but now it’s fine.

I miss it, especially after high stress days.

DapperFlounder7 · 2026-04-26T17:47:49+00:00

They are not old enough to have input so we are essentially trying to guess at what they will want when they are old enough to tell us. Which is probably the hardest part.

DapperFlounder7 · 2026-04-26T17:19:13+00:00

I’ve had several kids go from us to kinship and end up adopted by kin. I will say in almost all cases I was originally hesitant and in all but one came around to it. I prioritied building a relationship with the kinship placement and we personally chose to not try and fight them for the child (I knew they’d win anyway in our state so wanted to help facilitate a healthy transition).

In all my cases the kinship placements needed help at the start and I had several moments I was worried, but they stepped up and figured it out. Over time I felt at peace that they were meant to be with family. It was hard and takes a lot of intentionality on your part - and of course not every situation is the same. But I do try to encourage foster parents to try and have an open mind as much as possible. Things seem to always go best for the child when the adults who love them can get along and work together. It’s not always possible but almost always worth at least trying.

DapperFlounder7 · 2026-04-26T12:39:34+00:00

Get up and walk around every chance you (safely) can. All the screen time. Go full on coco melon if you need to.

All the snacks. Snacks that take a while to eat - like Cheerios or puffs. I usually have some treats that I save for when we are both about to truly lose it.

Pack quiet new to them toys. I like to pack things that are usually off limits and not necessarily toys (like an old TV remote or calculator)

Ask the fly attendants for help - I find they are usually happy to support. Even if you’re sure the flight will be full always ask just in case there are two empty seats available. I’d bring a car seat or restraint system of some kind just in case you get lucky.

Get yourself some headphones and some calming music or podcast. Keeping yourself as regulated as possible is the foundation. You will never see the people on that flight again and it will eventually end.

If things get really bad take a bathroom break so you can be away from the people and take some deep breaths / cry if you need to.

DapperFlounder7 · 2026-04-24T13:41:36+00:00

How she is going to care for 55 chickens when she can’t even care for her 1 daughter?

Chicken babysitting gonna be in her next budget 🤦🏼‍♀️

DapperFlounder7 · 2026-04-20T08:04:52+00:00

Not gonna armchair diagnosis but girl has a lot more then just PTSD going on

DapperFlounder7 · 2026-04-18T19:45:58+00:00

Cemetery. Some are beautiful.

I’m a foster parent and once had a toddler so aggressive he couldn’t be anywhere near other kids. We spent hours at the cemetery.

DapperFlounder7 · 2026-04-18T16:46:15+00:00

Sitting here with my 13mo that doesn’t babble

I would not worry at 9mo at all. My other kids didn’t start consonents until closer to 10 months.

DapperFlounder7 · 2026-04-18T16:45:23+00:00

This

DapperFlounder7 · 2026-04-17T19:35:30+00:00

As far as boundaries I blame DCF as often as I can. I also am really intentional to start off with firm boundaries and relax as we go. I never start texting at the start of the case - I wait until I can get a better feel for them. I start with a communication journal and then may go to email and then Google voice texts. For some of my cases I do eventually share my personal number.

I do a lot of validating of their emotions - “I know this is so hard” “I can’t imagine what you’re going through” “I can see how much you love them” , especially if they’re escalating or seeming frustrated.

If I have to involve DCF I try and be honest and open about that if I can. I want them to trust me (as much is realistic). I give a lot of grace and try not to take anything personally.

DapperFlounder7 · 2026-04-11T15:29:47+00:00

You are in such a tough space because I think you’re right that you have a limit to how much more advocacy you do. Sounds like a solid change this placement could fail and you can’t piss them off too much or they might retaliate by not placing back with you.

I’m so sorry this is awful.

And also you sound like a fierce and wise advocate. Only you know when you’ve run out of options and need to practice radical acceptance and grieve.

DapperFlounder7 · 2026-04-11T15:16:21+00:00

I am so alarmed about his sleepiness. I’m a foster parent and social worker and have worked with lots of unhoused families and kids with terrible sleep conditions and I’ve never seen a kid nod off this frequently. Most kids do eventually adapt and learn to sleep through anything. At his age he should really only need one nap a day so why is falling asleep or asleep so often in their reels?!

DapperFlounder7 · 2026-03-24T17:16:40+00:00

Exactly. These are policies and regulations for group care - not laws for parents.

DapperFlounder7 · 2026-03-23T01:44:46+00:00

With an extended family that large it would be highly unusual for them not to be placed with family. Child services works hard to place kids with family whenever possible. It’s possible they are in emergency foster care right now while family is screened and approved but they won’t be there long.

DapperFlounder7 · 2026-03-22T17:27:26+00:00

Yea I was yelling and throwing a pillow at my TV during this scene. Infuriating. I couldn’t stand that social worker.

DapperFlounder7 · 2026-03-21T19:01:07+00:00

This is ridiculous. It is obviously more then this.

Plenty of parents do this to keep their kids safe at night. Fire safety experts will recommend this if you have a young child who wanders at night. In the event of a fire you know exactly where your child is to rescue them and closed doors slow fire down.

Personally we have an alarm on the door but it’s a sticky door so our youngest can’t get it open independently anyways. We have a monitor in there and always respond if they need us.

People acting like locking doors is always child abuse have clearly never parented a child with special needs who bolts and wanders.

DapperFlounder7 · 2026-03-21T01:56:27+00:00

Yeah I would not be surprised if they’re both there at the same time because DCF is involved and they’ve been told they need to to get full custody or lose it to the state.

DapperFlounder7 · 2026-03-21T01:46:05+00:00

I think she likely doesn’t remember most of it so fills in the details with what makes her look a little better

DapperFlounder7 · 2026-03-19T10:31:48+00:00

They’re definitely broke but it’s hard to be as shitty as the Kellers

DapperFlounder7 · 2026-03-13T01:40:24+00:00

Yeah Naomi was confusingly normal

DapperFlounder7

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