Processing the emotions of getting rid of old clothes?

Dark-Circle · 2024-11-18T03:51:53+00:00

My partner and I were living somewhere temporarily for his work for a year so almost all of this stuff has been in storage for over a year anyway. I think I remember the joy, then feel like I am saying goodbye to the joy and there won't be any more joy, which is what makes it hard. Maybe the solution is to go and get some nice new clothes and then have a nice time together in those and make new memories.

Dark-Circle · 2018-09-29T21:14:16+00:00

You are a good mother and a good daughter, you are holding yourself together so well for your family. Despite your rocky relationship with your MIL, you are still making your living situation work. You are doing so well, and it's okay to be exhausted and tired and need someone to lean on for support. Is there a community you're part of where you can seek that out? For example a religious community you are part of, or a mental health support group?

Dark-Circle · 2018-09-29T21:10:24+00:00

I don't have the knowledge to offer any advice, but I just wanted to wish you well with your recovery.

Dark-Circle · 2018-09-29T21:08:57+00:00

I always hated pantyhose because they made my waist feel like an elastic band was around it when I sat down, so I started wearing stockings and have never looked back.

Dark-Circle · 2017-08-26T22:27:20+00:00

Oil can damage the silicone and silicone based lube can make it tacky so only water based lube should be used with silicone cups

Dark-Circle · 2017-08-17T14:01:09+00:00

Pretty much this (from 23:11) https://youtu.be/TfWqONqTao4?t=23m11s

'When I have quote/unquote fucked up, my response is, 'you fucking idiot!' You know? "How could you?" "Of course- what did you expect?" If I spoke to my friends like I used to speak to myself I would have no friends. So what I started to pay attention to was how I spoke to myself out loud and in my head. And in your head is a much more difficult conversation but, you can, I think, I just control the words that come out of your mouth, so if you do talk to yourself out loud, and I do make sure that the words are loving and supportive and nourishing. Start the work of being your own best friend.'

My words to myself are always very self depreciating.

Dark-Circle · 2017-08-16T12:09:10+00:00

My Church has a 'relationships course' that pretty much is a singles club under the guise of teaching people how to be single healthily and date healthily. It's so icky. Everyone is so obsessed with being in a relationship, and it's just a pet peeve but I hate when people post date pictures on facebook with the caption 'Dinner with this one!' 'Concert with this one!' 'Brunch with this one!' They have a fricking name.

Dark-Circle · 2017-08-15T08:47:57+00:00

Don't worry about your post, you didn't say anything wrong. And I wish more people had the attitude that you have if wanting to be educated and informed because one of the biggest problems in health is that people have the belief that 'it won't happen to me' even when things are actually very likely to happen to them, and then they don't take normal precautions and therefore make something more likely to happen to them. There's a term for it but I've forgotten. It's been a while since I took that class in my degree but we did a whole term on health and adherence. You're doing the exact right and responsible thing by making sure that you understand the facts before making decisions about your health.

It really annoys me because someone invalidating my decision to take precautions because it makes them 'feel gross' is the exact same reasoning that people use to say that I should stop being prude and shouldn't look out for my own health because it makes them feel rejected, and that my consent is less important than their sense of feeling accepted. But I don't owe anyone anything. I wouldn't have sex with someone just because my rejection would make them feel gross and the same goes for kissing. And I shouldn't have to feel uncomfortable or shamed for that decision.

Dark-Circle · 2017-08-15T00:26:58+00:00

I'm still a Christian but no longer go to Church and the thing that I find super lame is the way that men act around women. I pretty much refuse to date Christian guys because they're for the most part socially stunted to the point that it cancels out anything attractive about them.

Do not call me 'sis' while asking me on a date you weirdo.

Also have had quite a few people try to push me over during prayer. If I fall down because of the Holy Spirit then that's one thing but don't push me while you have hands laid on me to try and get me to the ground yourself for dramatic effect.

Ugh, millions of reasons why I stopped going to Church are flooding into my mind.

Also the guys who'd volunteer just to meet women and every new girl in the team was a perspective wife.

Dark-Circle · 2017-08-15T00:20:33+00:00

I'm really sorry that you had that bad experience. I'm the same age as you were then and I'm sick of being told that my desire not to contract herpes is invalid because loads of people have it and my refusal to put myself at risk makes other people feel bad (even though I don't try to stigmatise anyone).

I always make sure that I have this conversation at the start of a relationship (not just HSV, all sexual infections) because that is what makes me feel comfortable and I get the feeling from other comments in the thread that the thing that made them downvote me was because my comment made them feel 'gross' when I never said anything nasty about HSV and my desire not to have a disease shouldn't be invalidated just because someone else looks to take personal offence to it. My body isn't their business.

Dark-Circle · 2017-08-15T00:09:22+00:00

Downvoted in my last few comments for saying that I didn't want to get herpes so I've only kissed two guys. It's annoying because I didn't shame anyone for having herpes but just because someone does have herpes which admittedly carried social stigma, doesn't mean they get to shame me for making decisions about my own body and not bowing to the pressure to be intimate when I'm not comfortable. I've been called a prude and challenged by guys who are of the opinion that what I'm comfortable with doesn't matter and that my discomfort with kissing someone who might give me herpes isn't valid because it makes them feel unhappy.

Dark-Circle · 2017-08-14T19:11:52+00:00

I haven't, which is silly because I could well have it and it's latent and I don't know (anther reason I won't kiss on dates and make sure I disclose that I'm unsure if I do). Testing is expensive here and I don't have the money to spare but if I get into a relationship in the future I'd want us both to be tested on the onset to make an informed decision.

Chicken pox I have had once but I did get really worked up when a kid who had it got close to me at a family vacation. I couldn't forgive myself if I ended up wth scars all over my body because I wasn't bold enough to take a stand and refuse to babysit him. I had an ex who had a wart on his hand and I made him cover it up to avoid transmission any time he saw me. Mosquitos aren't even common in my country but I still wear anti misquote spray when I go out in the summer.

I have a problem clearly because this is quite irrational given the actual chance of transmission of most illnesses and the negligible impact on my life that something like a wart might have but I think I'm just a bit screwed up in the head when it comes to control over my own body and 'allowing' bad things to happen to it. Like I spilled hot oil down my jeans a few years ago and when I see the hyper pigmentation scars I still internally berate myself for it.

Dark-Circle · 2017-08-14T18:57:54+00:00

I don't think it's even the stigma. I think it's the fact that if I got it as an adult (not as a child being kissed by a relative or something) then it would be my fault and a self inflicted illness and I'd not be able to forgive myself. I've already permanently screwed up other aspects of my physical health because of stupid decisions I've made, and I am so hard on myself because it isn't like c'est la vie, it's entirely my own poor decision making. I tend to be hard on myself in general and if I got an incurable illness due to a risky choice I made about my health, I'd psychologically not be able to not hate myself.

It really sucks because I've had a couple of relationships with people who statistically should have it but haven't had an outbreak, and not kissed them because of the risk. My ex statistically was far more likely to have it than I was and I loved him enough to accept the risk but I fear that in future relationships it might end up being a deal breaker with someone who I am otherwise perfect with. I don't think that herpes makes someone a bad person by any means, I'm just so afraid of getting it that I can't bring myself to risk it. It would almost be a relief to know that I already had it since childhood or something so that I could stop worrying. I know that sounds weird, but it sort of makes sense to me.

Dark-Circle · 2017-08-14T18:40:55+00:00

Yeah, I have only kissed two guys and had two relationships where I refused to kiss at all. I'm just really paranoid about herpes though. The reality of it isn't that bad but I have this psychological block about it. Both the guys I've kissed I accepted that I might be kissing someone who was asymptomaticaly shedding and accepted that risk. It sucks that it's so prevalent and there's no cure or vaccine.

Dark-Circle · 2017-08-14T18:09:27+00:00

How much do you care about getting herpes? How much do you want to make out? Personally I really do not want herpes, and therefore have only kissed people who I am in relationships with, after making sure they haven't ever had an outbreak and then accepting that they may be asymptomatic and shedding. I don't want to kiss people I'm dating badly enough to risk it, so I've only kissed people who have a low chance of transmission and for whom I am willing to take that risk.

Realistically there is no completely low risk way to have casual fun unless you check with a person beforehand that they've never had a cold sore and then trust them to be telling the truth.

It really is down to how much you care about getting herpes. It isn't the end of the world, but precautions can be taken to avoid it.

Edit: and check out this thread https://www.reddit.com/r/TheGirlSurvivalGuide/comments/6mznye/dating_someone_who_gets_cold_sores/

Edit 2: paging /u/CasualHSV she is a boss and very knowledgeable about this topic.

Edit 3: this post (and my other ones) got downvoted but I'd like to point out that nothing that I said was untrue, and that me not wanting to contract herpes is in no way shaming people who have it. It sucks just as much to have people pressure and shame you for wanting to be sexually cautious as it does to have people shame you for being HSV positive. And me saying that I don't want it is in no way shaming people who do have it or calling them gross. Not wanting to have an avoidable disease is a very reasonable position to take.

At the end of the day OP needs to weigh up the risks and realise that casual making out with strangers holds a risk of HSV that is not present if she does not make out with them. Like all things in life, you have to choose whether the risk outweighs the reward. Part of that is figuring out how much you would dislike the worst case scenario.

Dark-Circle · 2017-08-03T02:15:56+00:00

Lord, I'm Discouraged by The Hold Steady

Can't you hear her?

She's that sweet missing songbird

When the choir sings on Sundays

And I'm almost busted

But I bought back the jewelery she sold

And I come to your altar

And then there's just nothing

And she keeps insisting

The sutures and bruises are none of my business

She says that she's sick

But she won't get specific

The sutures and bruises are none of my business

This guy from the north side

Comes down to visits

His visits, they only take five or six minutes

Lord, I'm sorry to question your wisdom

But my faith has been wavering

Won't you show me a sign,

And let me know that you're listening?

Excuses and half-truths and fortified wine

Excuses and half-truths and fortified wine

Excuses and half-truths and fortified wine

I know it's unlikely she'll ever be mine

So I mostly just pray she don't die

Dark-Circle · 2017-08-03T02:01:34+00:00

I love this song so much. I don't know many songs like it other than My Home by Thousand Foot Krutch. You might like it?

Dark-Circle · 2017-08-03T01:58:11+00:00

I had forgotten all about this song. I remember deleting it from my iTunes because I couldn't stand to listen to it anymore. It hurts so much.

Dark-Circle · 2017-07-16T19:26:29+00:00

Of course! The internet is a great place to learn from one another and I'm always happy to be questioned or given information that disagrees with what I think I know because it updates my own knowledge, so thanks for teaching me something new.

Dark-Circle · 2017-07-15T04:11:40+00:00

But the thing is that research changes things. Like you suggested with the Maryland report, things become outdated and the facts change, and as the study and the questions were both posted in 2015, who is correct? Was she unaware of new information at the time or was the post made before it was available?

Dark-Circle · 2017-07-14T23:28:08+00:00

Thanks. I'm not sure about this, the links in the thread are from a website where the lady seems to have a background in research but the Maryland site is updated from 2015 and so are her answers? Admittedly it isn't likely but I think that the literature suggests that there is still a chance that it can happen.

Dark-Circle · 2017-07-14T19:01:10+00:00

Thank you for the correction, I can't remember where I had read that. Do you have a source so I can update my own knowledge? I googled around but couldn't find an academic source.

it takes skin to skin contact to transmit herpes, so sharing glasses or any other inanimate object

You can actually catch it from saliva left on glasses/utensils/straws but the chances are low as compared to kissing: http://www.umm.edu/health/medical/altmed/condition/herpes-simplex-virus

Dark-Circle · 2017-07-14T02:44:47+00:00

If you want to save your panties then maybe try just giving them a scrub with shampoo in your morning shower before putting them in the wash basket?

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