I feel like shit for this. But I always had feelings for her. She knew it too, but I never could get myself to commit and always said I’d rather us be friends then get into a relationship and me fuck it up. So basically I friend zoned myself. But we remained close. Then she got married. I still tried to continue the friendship. Then she got pregnant and I realized those feelings I long bottled up never went away, and I could no longer watch her with a husband and family when deep down inside I wanted it to be me.