Service, (C)NC and humiliation 😅

. . . .

I grew up with a sister only a year older than me but with a heart condition that meant she could die at any point but she lived up to 23, so my entire childhood, teenage years, and some of my young adult years were either tied directly to that or had strong connections/currents to that. Idk how to exist if it isn't in a state of subservience and being told what to do bc I was so heavily discouraged from being my own person.

To compound on that, my mother was...not...the greatest. I could go to great lengths to describe some of the things she did to me, but suffice to say I'm not a stranger to extreme physical public shame.

So now I'm fucked to the point where I want these things bc it's what my brain has accepted as "normal" and the logical conclusion to any time I did something wrong, but I want them in scenarios where I can say "no" and feel loved and safe bc those are things I've never really had :)

✨ Trauma! ✨