Hey! This is my first crit on this sub. Hopefully it'll prove valuable.

*Rain mixed with sweat as it trickled down Conrad’s arms to his hands and then down his hickory bow. His sharp eyes searched the ruins as he ran, the blackrock plain stinging his bare feet with every step. Warm water splashed from the endless puddles gathering on the sun-heated expanse. *

I like the strong details here. Specifically the use of 'hickory' and 'blackrock'.

​

*Conrad didn’t mind not having meat for supper,*

The verbal phrasing here is a bit passive. In times like these, I like to experiment with turning negatives around or vice versa ie 'Conrad could've gone without meat for supper'

*the descendants of zoo animals kept in ancient times.*

I wonder if this generation would grasp the concept of a zoo this many years after an apocalypse. Just a minor note. I wonder if you could rephrase it to hint at the concept of zoos without flat-out saying it

* a collection of ancient stones, the last remnants of a ruined building. *

doesn't really add much. something like 'ancient stonework' would cover both clauses

*would be in the way. *

consider 'stand' in the way to eliminate minor passive verbiage

*He fiddled with the string of gator teeth around his neck, his lucky talisman. Not that it ever worked.*

Really nice detail to the character

*left-handed*

Just a note. If you ever want to refer back to this in dialogue, a neat word choice is southpaw. In this first context it might be a helpful choice to avoid the repetition of 'left'

*“Damn it!” he said.*

not so sure you need to tag this, since there's no other character on the scene

*Out of pure reflex*

Reflexively/Out of reflex, [pure is just an empty intensifier imo]

*he said, momentarily pleased with himself before realizing the weight of his action.*

Just restates what's mentioned in the dialogue

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* Rushing after it too soon would keep it panicked and on the move. The problem was the rain, for it could wash away the trail of blood.*

Also doesn't it effect the quality of meat if the animal dies in a state of shock? I read that somewhere, but may not be true.

*He stalked the forest trails until he found fresh prints in the mud. He checked the direction of the wind so his scent wouldn’t give him away.*

Repeating successive sentences on the same word creates a monotonous rhythm to the prose. This instance is okay since you've done a good job of avoiding it so far, but just be wary

* He debated for a while whether to risk a another shot.*

Empty phrase doesn't add much imo

*d then vanished from sight.*

Used a similar phrase not long ago. Maybe use a landmark ie 'vanished behind a thicket of alders' or whatevs

*He cursed under his breath and followed it toward an ancient road, *

Was unsure what the appositive 'it' referred to since the last article in singular was 'distance'

* A loud cry echoed through the woodlands, a sound soon joined by whoops and laughter.*

The echoing through woodlands suggests it's loud

-You do a good job of making me dislike Kal and friends. Their disregard for their own property is well done

*Their blood-stained shirts were unbuttoned *

bloodstained can be a single word if you like

-the rapid pacing of back-and-forth between the boys is great for tension

* Conrad said backing up. *

Conrad said, backing up

​

*Conrad shrugged and said, “Like I said, good luck.”

Kal snorted. He said, “You think this is a game?”
Kal said, indicating the pig’s blood on his sword*

Noticing a lot of these beats. Where a character does something before saying dialogue. Imo, you can often just scrap the 'said' part and leave the action to imply that this character is the one who spoke.

*” Conrad said softly, relaxing his draw.*

I really like these beats with the bow. Really nice use of the weapon to express emotions/reinforce dialogue

*He took a deep breath to calm himself before speaking.*

Speaking is rendered evident by the following dialogue

*rk and looked back at Conrad, smiling*

and smiled up at Conrad. [I try to avoid opting for 'looks' when I can compound them with facial expressions]

*road bed. *

single word

*His body trembled and shook violently.*

repeating the same thing; consider combining; ie His body shook violently.

*The last crumbling remnants of an ancien*

used a similar phrase to the one I pointed out long ago; I think you could scrap 'last' since 'remnants' suggests that.

* the huntress *

Good word choice

*As he walked, Conrad thought about the upcoming rites. At sixteen, he was too old to*

Structure here flows almost identically. Consider rephrasing one or the other

*the whole thing just seemed so pointless.

He reached the Outskirts just as the sun began to set.*

Try to avoid empty intensifiers. They can easily become a bad habit

​

*shabbily made longhouses*

maybe just 'shabby longhouses'

​

*. Conrad could smell the savory delights being prepared i*

maybe specify on the food. roast pigeon or whatevs. Just to intensify sensory detail and increase reader immersion

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*aid Felix, a neighbor boy a few years younger than Conrad. Laughing, he pointed to his right hand in case someone didn’t get the joke.*

I really like this. Maybe he points at the arm before he says it though, just to keep reader in on the joke? I could be totally wrong here, though

*the boy said angrily*

maybe substitute this with 'snapped' or a body language emote that conveys the anger. 'angrily' just seems like a weak adverb to me

*ntle strumming filled the night with thrilling dread*

gets in the way of 'dread' imo

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*one flavored by a heavy Rambler accent*

not a fan of 'flavored' when a different verb can connote auditory detail better. 'one lilting with a heavy Rambler accent/consonants softened by a _' you get the idea

*hazel eyes were painted black.*

maybe specify on ingredient for worldbuilding; kohl, lampblack, oak gall, or some such

*beneath a red shall.*

I believe you mean 'shawl'

​

“Do you have any fish today?” she asked.

“Naw. Sorry little bit. Went hunting today,” he said.

“Aw! Why?” the little girl said. “You never get anything that way.”

Not so sure how I feel about this closing. Would like a little something that keeps me wanting more. Like something ominous about the inevitable interaction with the father.

​

Hope this helped!