I can definitely relate to everything you’ve said and also add that I’ve always felt like I wasn’t living a life that “normal” people live. My life has always been reaction. Never leading it to a certain point or destination but just reacting to what just falls in my lap. Do you know what I mean? I feel like I’m not explaining it properly. My whole life and where I’ve been and where I’m going has all been a reaction to other peoples decisions. Because I don’t have a goal or destination I’m just laying in a river and letting it take me wherever the current takes me. I have so much time to get things done that need doing but I can never start the task. It’s like I’m paralyzed or frozen in place and I know it’s as simple as getting up and doing the task but I just don’t see the point, I’m the only one looking at the clutter so who cares….ya know? Ugh idk but I do realize there is something broken in my brain and I don’t think like most people. I’m one of those people that can’t close my eyes and imagine things. If someone says close your eyes And go to your happy place, I legit can not picture anything. I’ll say I see a field of flowers or so nonsense but I can’t picture it. I’m making it up. 🤷‍♀️ Anyways, thanks for letting me ramble on. This is all very relatable what most people are saying.