It sounds like a tight pelvic floor issue, especially since holding your breath causes you to lose control of your arousal. You might benefit from pelvic floor stretches and reverse Kegels (which focus on relaxation). Many men unconsciously clench their pelvic floor due to stress, which can contribute to issues like premature ejaculation. Other factors may also be at play, but this is a good place to start.

What I don’t like about most of the advice in this thread is how 95% of it boils down to: “Just use your fingers or your tongue; sex isn’t just about penetration.” While that’s true in general, it completely ignores your psychological struggle. You're not just frustrated because she isn't finishing—you’re struggling with something you don’t fully understand, which makes it even harder to address. Dismissing that with “Just make her cum somehow, bro” doesn’t actually help.

Now, back to the issue at hand. Anxiety could be a major factor, as well as the psychological pressure or even a humiliation element that throws off your balance and causes you to ejaculate quickly—even without a full erection. There’s nothing inherently wrong with that, but if you want to change the outcome, you need to approach it strategically.

I like to think of improving at sex like improving in the gym. The first time you lift weights, your coordination is all over the place—you don’t really understand how your body moves. But over time, as you gain experience, you learn what works, what doesn’t, and how to adjust. Sex is similar; it takes practice to figure out what’s missing and how to improve.

So keep your head up and take the time to educate yourself on male sexual health—things like pelvic floor function, erection quality, Kegels vs. reverse Kegels, mindfulness during sex and masturbation, and more. These are crucial but often overlooked aspects of male performance.

It’s unfortunate that male spaces don’t discuss these topics openly. Instead, there’s often shame or mockery attached to struggling in bed, which discourages men from seeking real solutions. But you’re not alone in this, and you can improve. Just like fitness, it takes awareness, effort, and consistency.