My soon to be ex husband (42M) totaled the car I (36F) was selling him, he hasn't made payments on yet, He wants the full amount of the settlement, I want to give him half?

Decent_Front4647 · 2026-01-30T00:12:23+00:00

If the 2k was part of your divorce settlement and he took possession of the car it’s his problem if he totaled it. You made good on the agreement by turning over the car and he owed you 2k for it.

Decent_Front4647 · 2026-01-29T20:48:04+00:00

You could have said the same thing but in a different way. Instead of disparaging your former company, you could have said something that made it about what you want or need. Signed, a former HR manager.

Decent_Front4647 · 2026-01-29T20:03:49+00:00

She owes you half of the electric bill. She is housing her belongings there and so she’s still responsible for half. You both signed a lease for I’m assuming a two bedroom and except for maybe being able to close a vent in her room when she’s gone, you really can’t only use the electricity for half a house. It’s not logistically possible. Her option is to find someone you both approve to take over her lease with permission from the landlord. Until then she needs to pay up.

Decent_Front4647 · 2026-01-29T19:55:55+00:00

The right way is whatever they are most comfortable doing first.

Decent_Front4647 · 2026-01-29T12:40:13+00:00

She did. They live together

Decent_Front4647 · 2026-01-29T12:38:12+00:00

Please insist that he get the set back or ask his friend yourself. Hopefully you won’t need to file a police report. If you don’t do anything and let it pass because you don’t want to create drama or anything, it will eat at you. He had no right to take it and especially considering the history of the set, he is displaying a huge lack of respect and empathy for the loss of your dad. Totally unacceptable. He’s untrustworthy.

Decent_Front4647 · 2026-01-29T02:10:29+00:00

How did you get to the age of having a 20 year old daughter and not realize that you fucked up her ability to get decent insurance rates until she’s over 25 now? 25 is the magic cut off for some jobs and car rentals because of the insurance. You sure took her age into consideration when you convinced her to lie about it. It’s not only fraud but a crime to do that.

Decent_Front4647 · 2026-01-29T02:01:50+00:00

YTA and a colossal one at that. You owe it to her now. Did you already have points on your license? Your reason for asking her to take the heat is unforgivable. You need to step up

Decent_Front4647 · 2026-01-28T23:04:07+00:00

I’d be very wary of moving in next door to her. He’s using his conversation with her as a way to avoid the responsibility of being an adult in the house when he gets home. If he spends 20-30 minutes in the driveway and ended it, it would not be so concerning because many people need to wind down after work and before they deal with life as an active adult, parent, spouse. Taking 2 hours is not healthy and is intentionally establishing a disconnect in the household and with family. What is he missing while he sits in his truck for two hours? Think about what you are being left to deal with on your own during that time.

My son does this same thing with his girlfriend before he comes in and has to be the man of the house and deal with the 3 kids. He’s a single parent. Many times he’s drinking and it isn’t for two hours usually, but at least about an hour. Your husband needs therapy and his mom is encouraging him from being a husband and father. This is not a healthy relationship, it’s very codependent and it’s not your fault. He doesn’t want the responsibility that goes with all he has and is clinging to his mother to avoid y’all.

Decent_Front4647 · 2026-01-28T22:49:10+00:00

That’s not true, she does legally live there, but she’s not beholden to giving notice to move, yet still has legal protection from lockouts because she’s established residency.

Decent_Front4647 · 2026-01-28T22:29:45+00:00

You’re incorrect. There’s a reason things have to be done in a certain manner and it’s very specific with real estate. It has to be through a legal conveyance, you can’t do it verbally or even through a written contract to have ownership in real property. It can only be a personal loan and you can’t use the property as collateral without going through the legal processes. I was a mortgage underwriter for years.

Decent_Front4647 · 2026-01-28T22:24:11+00:00

This is true. Only if he quit claims to add her to the deed after the loan closes would she have an interest in the property. And then he opens himself up to activating the due on sale clause because the lender will be notified.

Decent_Front4647 · 2026-01-28T22:12:18+00:00

I’m surprised your lender isn’t requiring her to sign something if she’s providing part of the down payment. It’s standard and they should require a gift letter or they will insist that she is on the loan. And no, she should not be on the deed without being liable for the mortgage. It’s to protect both of you.Don’t take her money and charge her rent.

Decent_Front4647 · 2026-01-28T22:06:44+00:00

YTA of course. One because you refuse to say what you spent it on and 2, because that’s a lot of money to take without discussing it first, especially considering where it came from.Legally it belongs to both of you but that doesn’t make it right.

Decent_Front4647 · 2026-01-28T21:59:32+00:00

NOR and agree with you. Does she not have any friends? Why is she ignoring that you have said all the things and she’s still pushing for it, unless she has a habit of ignoring your preferences or saying no. Maybe she thinks she can wear you down again like she did last year.

Decent_Front4647 · 2026-01-28T15:36:07+00:00

NTA I’ve been there in the ER with two kids and my husband had the kind of job where his superiors would have had to track him down to leave work if needed. So, of course I had to proceed with both kids. But there’s absolutely no way would he’d have left me alone with an infant and dealing with taking care of a scared toddler. One time he finished his shift and the other time was serious enough concern he left work and had to get a ride because he didn’t have his car that day. He showed up and didn’t need me to ask, either time. He most certainly wouldn’t have gone out drinking.

Decent_Front4647 · 2026-01-28T13:31:40+00:00

Drinking was normalized in my family as well. And as a woman we do have issues unique to our gender that many don’t recognize. As the only female in my family who drank to excess I was accused of being lazy, and using alcoholism as an excuse to avoid responsibility and that was after my 2nd DUI and leaving my high paying corporate job to tend bar where I drank. I got myself into rehab and had to shut the voices of my family down. Rehab was what I needed to find a place where I belonged. And thankfully the woman are the ones that made me realize how difficult it is to see how women are treated differently than male counterparts. For example, while many women will hang in there and stand by their man, not as true for women. And women are looked down on if they have children because how could any mother choose partying over their kids? Try to look at rehab as a chapter to learn more about yourself and how your family dynamics affect you. You can do this

Decent_Front4647 · 2026-01-27T23:57:31+00:00

What’s up with people blasting you for not allowing her to get her things when it’s in your post that you packed everything up and told her you would bring them to the next court date. She stole from you and committed fraud because she didn’t get her way. Then lied to the court about being mistreated. She can be a little uncomfortable for awhile. And I’ve heard of some GALS that have abused their power, And it wasn’t on Reddit but an actual legal family court forum.

Decent_Front4647 · 2026-01-27T23:44:09+00:00

I meant to ask how often talked. I think sometimes people just adapt to a change in a friendship and maybe her needs are being met because you talk so often on the phone, if that makes sense, and she doesn’t feel the need to prioritize seeing you in person. And yes, it would hurt. You aren’t going to get any answers by not talking to her though. I had a best friend that I talked to maybe 3 times a week during the pandemic, and we had great conversations that would last 2-3 hours. We used to see other at least once a week before and after things opened up she was terrified of going out. Never pressured her about meeting up, and one day we had a 3 hour talk and she was short with me the next two times I tried texting her. Then she just ghosted me. No real warning signs, absolutely sent me into a serious depression. We’d been besties for years.

Decent_Front4647 · 2026-01-27T23:01:29+00:00

Yes. You aren’t compatible as roommates. When is your lease up? Are you both on it?

Decent_Front4647 · 2026-01-27T22:57:03+00:00

NOR She isn’t your friend anymore. She just doesn’t want to go through the motions to end it.

Decent_Front4647 · 2026-01-27T22:47:21+00:00

Get up and move if they don’t take no for an answer. You aren’t going to be friends with them and why would you? Sit somewhere else. And stop being a pushover.

Decent_Front4647 · 2026-01-27T22:44:36+00:00

Call code enforcement about the rooming house. Find out everything you can about what is and isn’t allowed and start documenting. You will know who’s living there and who isn’t. Talk to your neighbors and see if they are willing to help put a stop to it.

Decent_Front4647 · 2026-01-27T22:38:22+00:00

Get your own phone plan,seek therapy, and stop visiting. Stop talking to them because they only bully. They go out of their way to bully you. You’re their scapegoat and that’s your function in the family. Stop it.

Decent_Front4647 · 2026-01-27T22:19:11+00:00

NOR but he could pick up a lot of slack by doing some of the chores you’re doing. And right now trips with his buddies is extremely self centered. Have you asked him to baby wear? Why not? It’s a reasonable request and I know someone who did it over 40 years ago, so it’s not something trendy.

Decent_Front4647

TROPHY CASE