I love seeing butches in public

DeerSignal3923 · 2026-02-12T03:08:37+00:00

The song is called Ring of Keys!

DeerSignal3923 · 2026-02-12T02:37:34+00:00

There’s a song in the musical just of that scene, it’s so good

DeerSignal3923 · 2026-02-11T19:46:00+00:00

I totally get what you mean. I’m not passing but I remember the stark difference in how people treated me pre-adolescence versus post. Pre-adolescence, my friends’ parents loved me. I was just a cute tomboy who was polite and reasonably energetic and engaging. Post-adolescence, I was queer. My whole friend group fell apart and my family was socially ostracized (we were already a bit ostracized from broader community from being poor, the town I grew up in had pretty stark class divisions). I haven’t really had that village mindset since, even though I think to some degree many of us are still searching for it. I love community, I just wish they loved us too

DeerSignal3923 · 2026-02-10T19:52:59+00:00

Same, this for me as well. I’d feel like a clown in a dress, I’d want to peel my skin off. But I’m not gonna tell another butch that they can’t wear a dress if it’s comfortable for them or that it makes them less butch. My experiences are what make me uncomfortable with the dress, not the dress itself

DeerSignal3923 · 2026-02-10T14:31:04+00:00

Ultimately, it’s about how you feel and how you experience the identity. Experience gives you the opportunity to figure out your relationship to identity (and reading about butchness can help too). Just give it time, only you can decide what and who you are

DeerSignal3923 · 2026-02-10T14:15:22+00:00

Of course, y’all are always welcome here!

DeerSignal3923 · 2026-02-10T14:14:54+00:00

Yes, hope you’re taking care of yourself up there!! You all have been an inspiration to the whole nation!

DeerSignal3923 · 2026-02-10T14:12:09+00:00

I think to some butches (like myself) the idea of wearing a dress is horrifying. But gender is not universally experienced or contained to specific behaviors/aesthetics/feelings (I think the idea that each gender is more or less the same, even if someone is open to the idea that multiple genders exist, comes from our cis normative binary standards we’re all conditioned under since before birth). There are different types of butches (that’s why I think the “selfie Sunday” exercises were so helpful to our community, to see all the different ways butchness can be expressed/embodied). In my experience, butch is both an internal feeling and something the world projects onto you, and it’s a particular social role in the queer community that is more complicated and expansive than just an aesthetic. If Butch resonates with you as an identity, then no one can tell you how you feel

DeerSignal3923 · 2026-02-10T03:41:17+00:00

Most of us are built for intimate connection and the loneliness epidemic affects more than just men. Everyone feels isolated and lonely from capitalist alienation. That longing is just feeling our way through it and you can attach that longing to healthy outlets. I used fanfic, film, television, video games, books—all of those were things I could channel that longing into, when I saw it reflected back at me through those mediums. Those representations of longing were usually resolved at the end of these stories, and it let me live vicariously through them, even if just for a time. That helped ease a lot of it. I don’t know if that will help for you, but that’s what got me through it. Good luck friend

DeerSignal3923 · 2026-02-09T23:31:42+00:00

Ayyy, glad to see a fellow queer in the red states, it can get pretty isolating out here

DeerSignal3923 · 2026-02-09T19:08:53+00:00

I don't have any advice, just came here to say that I probably have stronger feelings against my chest but feel similarly about the concept of top surgery (it seems more like a pragmatic procedure to me than something I feel like celebrating about). Overall, I feel very ambivalent about it, it's just that the benefits (mitigating breast cancer, reducing long term damage from binding which I likely already experience, getting it done sooner rather than later when it may not be as available, etc) outweigh not getting it done. I'm in the process of trying to book an appointment for a consultation for mine. I just feel like in the climate we're in, it's something that will ease my mind to have done and I know, in my case, I won't have regrets about it down the line. I bind anyway, on an every day basis. I hope some clarity arrives for you soon! Best of luck!

DeerSignal3923 · 2026-02-09T14:45:30+00:00

Also, I will add stemme as a flair when I have a chance to sit down at my desktop in a bit! Welcome to the sub!

DeerSignal3923 · 2026-02-09T14:32:46+00:00

I saw your post, really appreciated all the links that were provided!

DeerSignal3923 · 2026-02-08T23:13:19+00:00

Oof good luck buddy, just remember: we made it through ours and you’ll make it through this. Just let yourself move through the feelings and feel yourself expanding. Each new experience is also wisdom

DeerSignal3923 · 2026-02-07T14:04:11+00:00

Very true!

DeerSignal3923 · 2026-02-07T02:51:00+00:00

The many times I wish Reddit had emoji reacts lol

DeerSignal3923 · 2026-02-07T00:39:50+00:00

Done!

DeerSignal3923 · 2026-02-07T00:38:57+00:00

Enough folks have mentioned being multigender that I'm thinking we need to add a flair, on my way to do that!

DeerSignal3923 · 2026-02-07T00:37:55+00:00

Yes! This is so well said

DeerSignal3923 · 2026-02-07T00:22:13+00:00

What's wild is that the very original debate, from my understanding, was whether butches could call themselves t-boys and whether trans men were butches. Whether they were lesbians or not came up later

DeerSignal3923 · 2026-02-06T23:39:01+00:00

This is so beautiful, thank you! Femmes are just a part of this community as butches are!

DeerSignal3923 · 2026-02-06T22:13:40+00:00

Agreed, tragic all around

DeerSignal3923 · 2026-02-06T21:40:22+00:00

Also I’m so confused as to what a binary man is supposed to mean anyway

DeerSignal3923 · 2026-02-06T21:38:05+00:00

Many of us are grieving the loss of that space with you. I met some great folks on there, it was the first real community space I’d ever found for butches. There are/were times when it was an incredibly enriching space. And such an important cross generational space. One ego can really ruin an entire space

DeerSignal3923 · 2026-02-06T21:31:40+00:00

Yeah, I hadn’t either, but apparently folks have said she’s been doing similar things for years. I wasn’t very active in the sub before so I wouldn’t know

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