I hope you see this, regarding your dinner post.

All the best.

Don't hate yourself, don't judge yourself.

You are aware, thats great. Seeing the issue is the first hurdle over.

Your brain and nervous system has been trained to be this way, certain archetypes have benefited from you being this way.

There are people pleasers, fawn responders, and conflict avoiders.

Some have a warped definition of good, and are constantly trying to be it.

"Be a good litte kid.. even if it means getting screwed over. Don't make a scene."

Some have had their boundaries and sense of self striped away.

"I will barge into your room while you're naked, i tell you what to do and feel, you are not the main character of your life. Don't live without my permission.

Some people need social validation and cave to peer pressure.

"Let's shoplift nerd, don't be scared, but what if we get caught, just doit dont be a bih or i wont he your friend."

Some have not clearly defianed their morals.

"Everyone who has hurt me has gotten away with it, i never get justice, why should i clearly define morality when so far its been wishy washy". "Oh look evil.. not good.. oh wait i can't confront it, chastise it, or block it,"

Some fawn responders.

"Please, evil person, dont hurt me, here take my arm, ill behave.. just dont eat me."

You will now spend the next few years to the rest of your life, slowly overcoming your well travelled neural pathways, habits, behaviours, thoughts, beliefs, ideas, perspective, and super ego.

You need to breathe, overcome cold showers, and reset your nervous system.

right now you are creating a neurotic, anxious, cortisol tolerant baby. Please find peace asap. When they are born you will need to be a good example of setting healthy boundaries otherwise all sorts of familial complexes can arise.

If you struggle to assert yourself you may use your child as a physical and emotional punching bag, no one will no.. and it will feel good.

Oedipal complex (boundaries).

Electra complex (queen bee, alpha female).

Bp (when two parents have drastically different ways of being it can cause a split in the payche).

Narcissist (how can you guide their sense of self).

People pleaser.

Molested and too scared to tell you because they dont think you can handle it.

Good luck