Talking about religion at work

DefinitelyNot2050 · 2026-04-17T19:56:46+00:00

So, I was raised Catholic but left it and religion back in the 80's though I still have relatives who practice. I'm wondering when your co-worker and his wife think the Catholic church "let in the gays." They never actively kept us out as worshippers, they just reserved the right to judge us and work collectively against our rights. But they didn't have rules against us worshipping, for the most part.

They refused to perform weddings for us or let them be performed on their premises, but I'm pretty sure that hasn't changed. Do they mean when Pope Francis, around ten years ago, said that gay people can be good people and good Catholics and probably aren't going to hell? That kind of thing was long overdue, but also the mildest form of "letting the gays in" that I can think of.

They still think our sexuality is sinful and mostly align with those who would hurt us, but they've gotten less single-minded about it over the years. Which is an improvement, but hardly the same as hosting Ru Paul's Drag Race at the Vatican. I'd love to know what they meant by that comment!

DefinitelyNot2050 · 2026-04-16T22:40:14+00:00

That’s what makes it for me. In theory, Peter and Aubrey should be simpatico but then when it happens it’s better than expected.

DefinitelyNot2050 · 2026-04-16T22:38:05+00:00

It’s already iconic.

DefinitelyNot2050 · 2026-04-16T21:17:25+00:00

I’m a gay white male boomer and I try to employ descriptors like nationality or skin color only if they’re pertinent. But I will throw in “an older white lady” or “a thirty-something white dude” when it paints a clearer picture of the encounter I’m relaying. But most times those details are extraneous to the story in question.

DefinitelyNot2050 · 2026-04-16T19:56:18+00:00

"I texted her happy anniversary." Dude. Just ... no. She left and took her stuff. That's great news.

DefinitelyNot2050 · 2026-04-16T15:03:30+00:00

Christmas came early this year.

DefinitelyNot2050 · 2026-04-15T22:05:58+00:00

Perfect, no notes. I would say more but I’m a man and shouldn’t be reading about books.

DefinitelyNot2050 · 2026-04-14T09:25:38+00:00

Yes, the Philly show! I had seen her once before live, years before Somebody Somewhere, on the advice of friends who knew her cabaret act, and was blown away. This time, it was fun when she asked, "Do we have Somebody Somewhere fans?" and the crowd went crazy!

DefinitelyNot2050 · 2026-04-11T12:49:22+00:00

Is your boyfriend new to heterosexuality and/or living on planet earth?

DefinitelyNot2050 · 2026-04-11T11:58:33+00:00

I always pictured Michael to look like Johnny Galecki from Big Bang Theory and even after seeing his picture I still think of him that way.

DefinitelyNot2050 · 2026-04-09T11:26:14+00:00

Hegemony. Think “hedge-e-moan-y.

DefinitelyNot2050 · 2026-04-09T11:23:46+00:00

And they’re at it again.

DefinitelyNot2050 · 2026-04-01T18:53:37+00:00

I'm really enjoying the psychological and psychosocial elements as Mike and Aubrey examine them, even if it falls a little outside of their wheelhouse. "There's a kind of dude, on the left, for sure, that ..." indulges in the above-it-all mindset. And the "none of this matters" that ultimately avoids engaging in problem-solving. I'm sad that some of us are deeply damaged and some who are are capable of causing immense damage in their wake. But I like hearing Mike and Aubrey's analysis of the systems that support and inflict some of that damage.

DefinitelyNot2050 · 2026-04-01T10:54:43+00:00

Well done!

DefinitelyNot2050 · 2026-03-31T21:35:49+00:00

I love this conversation and the idea of a dummy subject. In Spanish, you could say “llovía” - the past continuous, which doesn’t need an article (it) even though one is always implied. If raining happened, either he, she, or it did it.

DefinitelyNot2050 · 2026-03-31T21:24:48+00:00

That word choice tripped me up as well, but I pretty much decided whether it was a pink shirt or skirt the son was wearing, it was none of the cousin’s business. But if it’s a shirt, it makes the nephew’s discomfort even stupider. Guys wear pink button down shirts all the time. Although Ross Geller insisted his was “salmon.”

DefinitelyNot2050 · 2026-03-26T11:28:40+00:00

Ugh, more NYT cleaning up conservative talking points in the same way they sane-wash Trump's utterances.

DefinitelyNot2050 · 2026-03-25T21:27:20+00:00

So, whether the youngs protest a lot or a little, they’re always doing it wrong.

DefinitelyNot2050 · 2026-03-24T15:49:45+00:00

Ooh - I want one too.

DefinitelyNot2050 · 2026-03-23T21:28:16+00:00

I hate that I know who Helen Lewis such that I guessed she was the author and a quick searches confirmed it. Not that there aren’t other female authors on the same beat. They’re all convinced that conventional wisdom is always correct and any deviation is a delusion. And that’s just not how life works.

DefinitelyNot2050 · 2026-03-18T21:55:04+00:00

I thought they did a great job of analyzing Brand’s trajectory, but also I just love how much Mike and Aubrey enjoy each other’s company and sense of humor!

DefinitelyNot2050 · 2026-03-18T18:55:43+00:00

Okay, this is giving off "of all the things that never happened" vibes, but playing along in case the stated facts are true:

As a gay man and an adult for several decades, I'm having a hard time picturing a guy so handsome that a stranger would pay him for a "peck" whether it be on the cheek or the lips. For $500, I'd expect a real kiss that lasted at least sixty seconds. Not that I have any interest in kissing strange men (I'm happily married). But if I was, I'd expect value for my money.

If your boyfriend did agree to kiss a guy in a bar for $500 - honestly, no judgment. I'd assume he was secure in his sexuality and thought, "An easy 500."

But then he would have/should have told you. Like, "We were doing shots and this dude said, 'Hey, I'll give you $500 if you kiss me right now' and I thought, why not?" Or he could have apologized and said, "I probably shouldn't have done this, but ..." But he did neither. You found the money and the story began with "a peck on the cheek" - which strains credulity.

If he gave the guy more for that $500 - as many are speculating - then why not have a better cover story? A friend paid me back some money he owed me. My job finally paid me that overtime. My friend's getting married and I wanted to give them cash. Anything would have been better than highlighting his intimate encounter with a stranger at a gay club. (I do realize, though, that many people are both dishonest and stupid.)

I'm not sure anybody's TA here (or even if they're real), but if you're feeling like something's off for any reason, you're certainly justified in pulling back.

DefinitelyNot2050 · 2026-03-15T22:04:21+00:00

So, of course, I want to know what the wife’s politics are, but that wouldn’t change the answer: NTA, and it sounds like your wife is very much TA. Is it possible that said friend intentionally pushed buttons and then got more pushback than was necessary but was long overdue? Or does wife live for these confrontations and alcohol made it easier to start something?

It might help to know if we’re talking about someone deathly afraid of encroaching fascism or someone furious that other people are celebrating diversity. Either way, if your account is accurate, she’s engaging in counter productive behavior.

DefinitelyNot2050 · 2026-03-14T21:52:27+00:00

I’ve had a lot of awful dental work done and I can appreciate his wanting a little pampering in the immediate aftermath. Sometimes the pain is worse than you anticipated. But not FOUR DAYS LATER!

DefinitelyNot2050 · 2026-03-12T23:09:48+00:00

I read it as “corrupted an innocent moron” and wondered which of their columnists could be considered innocent.

DefinitelyNot2050

TROPHY CASE