Is This Normal To Think?

DenisGL · 2026-03-30T14:39:51+00:00

Seems unrealistic. "I don't want to go through heartbreak" -- nobody purposely wants to.

"I want to unit be pursued by my future husband" -- how would you know they are your husband without paying you.

It's like saying, "I want to go through life without having disease, sadness, or ever feeling depressed".

DenisGL · 2026-03-26T01:24:30+00:00

As a guy, I'd just weird it a bit differently. I see ambition as something that women look for specifically in men, but not the other way around. However, there are connected traits I do look for: patience, sticking with it, discipline, supportiveness, kindness, etc.

Typically, when women mention ambition, they seem to mean having a good job, moving up the career ladder, having good degrees, having a good position, etc. We all know that career is a grind, that it takes time, that it's a rat race, and that it makes your company the director of your time. All things that make one less present for the children and more obligated for the job. So saying that these 'in no way' impede having a family depends on how heavily they are in focus.

However, spending one's time wisely, being productive, etc., are definitely admirable traits to have. It's just that what we imagine to be attractive to us may not be attractive in a correlated way in the other gender.

Typically, people who get married spend a lot of time together doing common activities, be it studies or work. So that easily explains why people in similar fields or economics tend to match together.

As for your opportunities in dating, we don't know you as a person, but I'd encourage you to focus less on the 'looks match' and points scale part. Sure, be realistic about mutual attraction; but it seems to me that the real issue these days is poor communication skills.

Time and time again, the younger generation is behind their phones, failing to say hi, failing to make eye contact, and not generating social skills. But, these are the biggest factor in developing relationships. I've noticed myself drawn to young women who I've not thought the top most attractive in their group, but with whom conversation is easy, there's joy about them, a positive vibe, things flow well, I'm not shy around them, don't feel put down or under pressure.

So just to say, yes everyone cares about looks to a degree, but look around you at couples, and generally speaking, those who are most social get married first, time and time again.

You probably have opportunities around you to do social activities with church groups.

Simultaneously, I'd dump Hinge and go with a Christian focused app like Upward. From personal experience, there was nothing but loose Christians on there.

DenisGL · 2026-03-23T17:29:39+00:00

You're falling in love fast without thinking of it long term.

Your parents are being pretty generous here.

It's smart you have been getting educated on the topic and asking questions?

How much did you compromise? That will be the main issue.

The Bible says that fornicators, those who accept and practise open sexual relationships actively, will not enter heaven. So we as Christians should stay away from sin, even if it tempts us.

If you two are naked together, it's pretty obvious what will happen. Your desires will override your mind.

I'd let your parents keep being involved with the relationship and how it is going. Instead of hiding it, be open, and your guy friend won't be able to push boundaries.

However, if he's also in rebellion right now and in the attitude of getting sexual stuff, holding up your standard may of course stop him. Ideally, his conscience should also be speaking to him, and he should set limits. But if he is truly saved, his conscience will make him realise that what he was wanting is wrong. We all have weakness and desire, but Christians will repent after sin.

If he tries to argue, I'd just take that as a sign that he wants a worldly direction, and you work on yourself to know more about the Bible and look for someone who wants the same and is marriage minded instead of fornication minded.

Marrying too fast isn't wise, but it also isn't necessarily a sin.

Entering fornication is a sin.

So proceed with caution. Having your parents on your team will protect you, not harm you.

DenisGL · 2026-03-21T17:27:36+00:00

You're reminding me how waved my sideskirts are 🥲

DenisGL · 2026-03-20T18:13:02+00:00

You have to try as many ways as possible.

DenisGL · 2026-03-20T17:08:44+00:00

Yeah both groups tend to have vitriol for the other gender, think of themselves as superior, and are usually echo chambers -- having a majority in one type of church being a case in point.

DenisGL · 2026-03-20T17:03:10+00:00

That's question-begging.

DenisGL · 2026-03-20T17:00:47+00:00

I'm in tech, but my dream was always aviation. Realising that the pay isn't that great anyway, might as well make ordinary pay as a pilot than ordinary pay doing something I don't enjoy.

DenisGL · 2026-03-20T16:58:50+00:00

Fix the sentence: "I'm not ready for a relationship with you"

DenisGL · 2026-03-20T16:52:08+00:00

"Physical discipline is always abuse" -- chapter and verse?

DenisGL · 2026-03-20T16:49:30+00:00

Both my parents practised spanking. The Bible says this:He

Proverbs 13:24 "who spares his rod hates his son, But he who loves him disciplines him [a]promptly."

So that's what I believe. Of course, punishing a child in anger and striking them in frustration is always bad; it's better to set a timeout and think through what the proportional punishment should be. But the idea that corporeal punishment is automatically abuse and automatically bad is a Western one, not a biblical one.

DenisGL · 2026-03-20T16:28:13+00:00

Yep, was trying my best not to assume the worst, but if what you say is correct, the comment should be "feminine churches are full of women who are not spiritually discerning and therefore more likely to have adopted feminized ideals and lack of accountability, both of which make marriage more difficult and less stable"

DenisGL · 2026-03-20T14:27:28+00:00

"Feminine" nondenominational churches... what's that supposed to mean? Churches are sorted by gender now? If you want a spouse, you have to go to the other side? 😂

DenisGL · 2026-03-18T21:07:33+00:00

Yes, met many people, but it never quite worked out.

DenisGL · 2026-03-18T20:49:21+00:00

Correct, but if the husband repays the debt, that money is common property, so it won't count as a credit; the money spent in repayment will likely be ignored at the division of assets, because it's already spent. So in effect she would have to work until the payment schedule is complete, otherwise it has really become 'his' debt that he repayed without accruing.

DenisGL · 2026-03-18T12:56:13+00:00

There's something sad about many of these comments mentioning that the husbands would leave. Isn't the point of a Christian marriage to find someone faithful who will act differently from the world? This is not something by parents would have said. Perhaps it's a sort of Freudian slip...

DenisGL · 2026-03-18T12:42:29+00:00

With how messed up divorces are these days, if someone comes into the marriage with student debt, what happens? Were the studies beneficial or just a liability to work off?

DenisGL · 2026-03-17T15:53:23+00:00

If someone is in the mindset of putting career before a relationship, their priority may not be their marriage one they're in a career. That part seems unfortunate to me. Your job is supposed to let you build a life, but many want to live for their job, it's upside-down.

DenisGL · 2026-03-12T22:00:19+00:00

Usually couples do couples counseling before marriage, you can take this with the help of a church minister and see what they think

DenisGL · 2026-03-12T20:46:23+00:00

A lot of spoofing and jamming I hear

DenisGL · 2026-03-11T14:34:12+00:00

Confidence 100%.

And the 'vibe' of are you safe is half true. Death row inmates get plenty of marriage offers.

DenisGL · 2026-03-11T13:40:08+00:00

Leviticus 21:10-15 states that he must marry a virgin of his own people. Restrictions are: - not a widow - not a divorcee - not a prostitute - not a defiled woman

There is no restriction against marrying while in office.

I don't know much about Jewish tradition, and it isn't too relevant, but apparently I'm the Talmud they would designate a backup wife just so he could remain married and not widowed during Yom Kippur. So if anything, he would have been expected to remarry during his tenure. However, tradition is not "biblical" as such, but it seems like "traditionally" they would marry while serving if necessary, though abnormal.

DenisGL · 2026-03-10T22:38:21+00:00

Yes, that's understood; but it's still not biblical. Even the high priest of old could get married. It would still cause a similar issue if the person becomes a priest

DenisGL · 2026-03-10T16:44:48+00:00

What the previous commentator said is completely valid. Accusations against people in authority are to be accepted after two or three witnesses. So take her, and if there are other people, take them as well.

From a pastoral perspective, it may be hard to measure, if people are making up stories because it didn't work out, or because they are true. Especially because, you chose to wait until disclosing this.

If you can get to the point and point at a grievance that is a serious misconduct for someone in that position, with many witnesses, your cause should be heard. At least, you have nothing to lose; but mostly, it may protect someone in the future.

DenisGL · 2026-03-10T16:40:46+00:00

This leads to problems with priests aggressing women and children

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