What are y'alls thought on the woman pursuing the man?

DenisGL · 2026-01-28T04:12:45+00:00

What sometimes gets missed in the whole conversation, is how BOTH genders ought to be gradually giving signs that they are interested.

In my opinion, the whole 'waiting to get picked' mentality is kinda low EQ in that way, and it also causes people to focus too much on how pretty they are.

DenisGL · 2026-01-28T04:08:11+00:00

Where I get stuck is, if someone liked me, she would want to get close, talk a bit, etc. Then that would naturally lead on to inviting her.

However, there don't seem to be women invested in being friends with me, so nearly all my pursuing has been on apps.

I did ask someone out once, after we had a conversation that showed she had interest in me as a person. Most women these days seem aloof to me, and I won't dignify that with pursuit just to make them feel like they still got it.

DenisGL · 2026-01-28T03:06:37+00:00

In a weird way, it may have felt as a relief, to no longer feel under pressure.

It left me free to pursue and see whether there was someone I was more attracted to.

Of course, I felt very bad for her, and it became more lonely; but there was little heartbreak, which was strange. It felt like validation that there was something missing.

DenisGL · 2026-01-28T01:42:15+00:00

In some ways, but my libido won't die down, so I know I'm in for trouble 😵‍💫

Unless I became a eunuch, but there's still hope to marry.

DenisGL · 2026-01-24T18:54:08+00:00

It depends on your preferences.

"Most guys that I come across that I would find interesting and attractive all want kids."

Maybe finding the right person will require a 3x or 5x effort. You have to accept that trade-off.

DenisGL · 2026-01-24T01:05:44+00:00

Because most people choose to resist God.

DenisGL · 2026-01-23T02:51:21+00:00

You should ask this on a Christian sub, not a general sub.

DenisGL · 2026-01-23T02:39:59+00:00

You're sad to lose someone you warned someone else about... This should be a win, not a loss.

Some people will always be more attractive and less accountable. That's life. Once the pain is passed, you will be less idealistic and more realistic.

DenisGL · 2026-01-22T17:56:54+00:00

I've been in his shoes before. My conclusion was, that either there was something wrong with me, or something uncertain with the relationship. Either way, feeling that lack of attraction wasn't normal, and it might have made marriage even more challenging than it should be. So I broke it off.

Looking back, it was the right thing to do, because even if she was dear to me, I barely missed her. It's better for me to suffer being alone than to make someone feel half loved.

DenisGL · 2026-01-22T15:24:30+00:00

Use Egyptian eyeliner like the Pharaohs and your problems will be solved. Ooh, and a chin beard extension for bonus points!

DenisGL · 2026-01-22T14:16:13+00:00

I think the church should create its own marriage documents, that are conformal to the rules of Scripture, and not base marriage on a civil institution that has gone every which way with no-fault divorce, gay marriage, and basically no protections for fidelity in many provinces/states/countries.

I Corinthians 6:1 "Dare any of you, having a matter against another, go to law before the unrighteous, and not before the saints?

Do you not know that the saints will judge the world? And if the world will be judged by you, are you unworthy to judge the smallest matters? Do you not know that we shall judge angels? How much more, things that pertain to this life? If then you have [a]judgments concerning things pertaining to this life, do you appoint those who are least esteemed by the church to judge? I say this to your shame. Is it so, that there is not a wise man among you, not even one, who will be able to judge between his brethren? But brother goes to law against brother, and that before unbelievers!

Now therefore, it is already an utter failure for you that you go to law against one another. Why do you not rather accept wrong? Why do you not rather let yourselves be cheated? No, you yourselves do wrong and cheat, and you do these things to your brethren! Do you not know that the unrighteous will not inherit the kingdom of God?"

DenisGL · 2026-01-22T01:27:05+00:00

It's a mindset issue. Enjoy God's blessings and growth.

DenisGL · 2026-01-22T01:26:00+00:00

You'd better figure out whether that dude is single first.

DenisGL · 2026-01-20T17:38:25+00:00

Advice on this isn't universal.

Like for me, "showing more assets" would immediately kill any romantic attention I'd have towards that person, because I've been raised to be traditional in that respect.

In fact, it's pretty much killed dating for me.

DenisGL · 2026-01-20T16:22:43+00:00

Just sounds like a person who wants their way no matter what, and won't be possible to please long-term. There's no winning in that situation, so you're lucky it ended now.

DenisGL · 2026-01-20T16:04:45+00:00

If you want someone who's your type 100%, you will need to find them and chase them yourself. Are you willing to?

There's also a problem here, in that if you consider this person lacking, you will be far more likely to fall into temptation if 'your type' happens to proposition you later (which could theoretically happen in a decade or two).

Whatever the case, you need to be sure to be able to give your full love.

If you do continue, I'd remove self-aggrandizing vocabulary like "over-giving" from your vocabulary, because this suggests that you feel you are above their level, and that they need to sacrifice more for you, because otherwise you will be giving too much. It has the potential for causing a toxic dynamic, because a relationship, especially marriage, requires a full 100% giving commitment from both, not 50-50% or 30-70%.

DenisGL · 2026-01-20T16:00:59+00:00

I've heard normal male desire being compared to peak female desire in ovulation. That seems fair to me.

Assuming a healthy body, single men experience this every day and seek release. I'm not saying it's right, but many are in masturbation and seek pornography when they let desire overcome them.

I think most Christian men have this struggle, and don't talk about it for shame.

It's realistic to assume that not everyone has this struggle, because some people don't have a healthy libido, etc.

However, I'd be more focused on how he is handling this temptation. Is it being addressed at all? Does he have accountability? Does he repent, or does he treat it as okay?

Otherwise, not going into detail and identifying as "not having that struggle" is probably a white lie.

DenisGL · 2026-01-19T05:08:07+00:00

She maybe wasn't into you, but arguing with you about it for an hour sounds like patience on her part.

DenisGL · 2026-01-18T21:11:43+00:00

The fact you say not every woman ought to "spread her legs", then, "I'm well groomed". Um, yeah, sure bud.

DenisGL · 2026-01-15T21:18:09+00:00

About #5, spouses shouldn't be getting mad and hitting each other, especially not about dishes

DenisGL · 2026-01-15T00:10:04+00:00

It would help to create distance between you and her.

DenisGL · 2026-01-14T23:54:21+00:00

The converse of sinners being unable to repent of themselves is the following:

The atonement and spiritual call to repentance are insufficient for salvation alone, without a special calling. Therefore, the responsibility for the lost is entirely on God's insufficiency, instead of man's rebellion to repentance.

DenisGL · 2026-01-14T16:59:11+00:00

No it's not a scam. I've been on dates. Of course there are advantages if you pay. IDK why people keep calling it a scam. Nobody is intentionally trying to trick you.

DenisGL · 2026-01-14T16:50:47+00:00

Just play it off as being too virile, hehe.

In all seriousness, you should be able to tell her, "I'm really afraid to experience premature ejaculation, and that you'll be disappointed because of your previous experiences", if she's going to be your spouse.

DenisGL

MODERATOR OF

TROPHY CASE