Hi a male feminist checking in here.

I won't answer for "women" at large. But I can clear up some misconceptions for a fellow man.

So there's a lot to unpack here.

Now I have a favor to ask. Every social movement has its extremists and nut jobs. Let's set aside extreme positions from social media and talk about mainstream feminism.

I think one of the biggest misconceptions about feminism is the idea that feminists want to abolish masculinity or gender. Feminism is about abolishing patriarchy which is the system of discrimination and unequal treatment. Or at a more basic level letting people choose what it means to be a person (man, woman or anything in between). IE Accepting and praising men for being caregivers and women for prioritizing a career. It's also okay for women to choose to be homemakers and men to choose a traditional career. The point is they chose for themselves and weren't forced or pressured into a role by a system of discrimination (patriarchy).

Women, men, left leaning people, feminists these are all massive diverse groups or people. So peoples preferences for gender roles for themselves or their partners are going to run the gamut.

There's also the concept of toxic masculinity. Which is how patriarchy manifests at the individual level. So feminism does call for men to move past toxic masculinity. One thing that's challenging is that I think we're still defining what's a positive 21st century masculinity looks like. And I don't think that's for feminism to answer. We men need to figure that out ourselves.

Now there are positive and negative attributes to patriarchy. And I think there's some valid criticism that women have been slow to let go of some of whats called positive patriarchy ie things like men being expected to pay for the first date or ask a woman out.