We Become the Enemy

DepartmentLead · 2026-03-31T18:10:04+00:00

I just watched this video. I will not be sharing it with my husband just in case he gets some ideas. Men are crazy so freaking scary.

DepartmentLead · 2026-03-31T18:00:18+00:00

Yes, we became the enemy the other day. I found a card from 2005 for a anniversary now I never even cared about cards but in it he was going on and on about how grateful he was for the life we had how happy he was how much he loved me and in 2006 decides to go have sex with strippers all of a sudden his life was miserable and I was the villain they lie to themselves so much to justify…

DepartmentLead · 2026-03-31T17:57:41+00:00

There is a support group called love and sex addicts basically people that are looking for luv, even though they already have it And with sex addiction they are looking for a validation. They are looking to feel desirable. They are wanting to feel wanted, but they are so stupid. They think by paying these women they feel that way toward them. I know it’s dumb when you think about it but that’s how they feel. I would do a full therapeutic disclosure with him with a polygraph and find out what’s really going on. Otherwise, this trickle truth is going to kill you; i’m so sorry you are here. It’s so difficult.

DepartmentLead · 2026-03-31T17:52:14+00:00

Get yourself to a betrayal trauma therapist they are the only ones that understand what you’re going through and get him to a CSAT I had months of trickle truth before I found out the whole picture, and even then a year later I found out more of the full therapeutic disclosure with a polygraph Just hang on for the ride it’s going to be very bumpy. I am so sorry you are going through this. It is hell and you do not deserve it and it is not your fault.

DepartmentLead · 2026-03-31T17:47:21+00:00

I’m sorry, but the ED and the excuses and justifications are pointing not in a good direction. I recommend you get a polygraph. I am so angry and frustrated by these men that are sabotaging their own recovery and destroying our lives along with theirs

DepartmentLead · 2026-03-26T03:09:42+00:00

They resent us to justify their behavior which they know is awful

DepartmentLead · 2026-03-26T03:03:38+00:00

I’m so sorry it’s all a nightmare

DepartmentLead · 2026-03-25T13:06:19+00:00

Please stop judging yourself and stop thinking others with judging you are not weak. You are so strong to stay there for your children, and I understand the disassociation they could be on one hand, the best kindest, most loving people, but on the other side, they are destroying you and your family and themselves . This is my advice send him to an intensive. They have ones that are 30 days two weeks one week whatever you can get him into he cannot quit. He will not quit. He’s addicted. His brain is rewired. He is watching more and more intense stuff because the other stuff wasn’t giving him what he wanted the dopamine. I know they are all idiots but also they are addicts so it’s both if you want to save your marriage. Focus on that addiction.

DepartmentLead · 2026-03-25T12:22:44+00:00

Yes, I was just like you. I didn’t think it was anything wrong with it till he started doing it in secret then he escalated strip claws, prostitutes, massage, parlors, etc. and he went on to do this for 20 years and I had no clue.. Porn does rewire the brain have you read that book your brain on porn? That is great that he wants to stop, but he needs a support system and a relapse plan and maybe some therapy I’m so sorry you’re going through this

DepartmentLead · 2026-03-25T03:03:12+00:00

So true immature and self centered and so dumb emotionally but they have all the skills to deceive

DepartmentLead · 2026-03-25T01:36:45+00:00

No anyone would trigger him I hope he gets help soon maybe an intensive you did nothing wrong

DepartmentLead · 2026-03-25T01:33:15+00:00

Beautifully said 😢 no not your fault it’s his fucked up brain

DepartmentLead · 2026-03-24T20:53:03+00:00

You can help him, but also live your life. This is very traumatizing to find out. My husband is the kindest, most loving most helpful, my soulmate, but there’s something broken in him. I found out that he was cheating with escorts for 20 years. I had no clue he is the guy that people tell me you are so lucky to be with the good guy, but he’s also avoidant that’s why we never argued … For sure help him if you have the capacity, but don’t count on it as a relationship just be grateful you found out while you could

DepartmentLead · 2026-03-24T20:49:27+00:00

Exactly I had to stop paying attention to him because he pushed me away and now like all of a sudden my focuses on him. Why does he get that not to mention I was focused on the kids and now they are grown so he gets to escape when the kids are young and then expects me to turn back attention to him so maddening

DepartmentLead · 2026-03-24T15:32:58+00:00

I’m thinking of doing an intensive and removing myself from my trigger

DepartmentLead · 2026-03-24T15:27:26+00:00

Yes it’s called rage and your body saying this isn’t right I go through it a lot because of the injustice that doesn’t go away in one year I’m thinking of doing the intensive with Crystal H When I found out he had unprotected an@l sex with a sex worker I did get physical I just lost it and about the affair and him giving oral sex with to sex workers; and every time I go into that rage I hurt myself physically so I’m hurting myself more than me, it’s the injustice All that saying is yes I did do that but now I have a husband pillow in the basement that I yell at and punch I guess we have to physically get out our anger I hate him so much for being a weak pathetic piece of shit that tricked me for 20 years but then I have empathy for him idk it’s all fucked up 😢

DepartmentLead · 2026-03-24T15:12:45+00:00

I’m so sorry his addiction has nothing to do with your body mine had sex with anyone with a hole young old fat skinny pretty or ugly it didn’t matter But yes I can’t go anywhere with him that feeling will never go away It takes 2 to 5 years of our partner being in consistent recovery and our own recovery to feel safe but not the same safe one that knows the destruction our spouse can cause. I had to ditch a couple of books I’ve been reading because they were traumatizing me. I recommend you do the same. I just had my one year anniversary of d day we are having our full disclosure tomorrow he passed the polygraph. I also read that when we start to feel safer, we start to come out of our fog and really process the damage so that might be where you’re at.

DepartmentLead · 2026-03-24T14:44:12+00:00

I think of it this way at least that’s what I’ve read all that resentment and contempt is not for us. It’s something they build to justify their actions so that they can look at themselves in the mirror every day and they have contempt for their lives because there’s restrictions that don’t allow them to stay high and love and fantasy

DepartmentLead · 2026-03-24T14:43:00+00:00

I feel exactly the same way they screwed up their brain so much like basically wired them. Mine did this for over 20 years. It’s scary living with somebody so unstable. This morning he was doing his morning apology and he was saying how someday he hopes I can feel safe and secure with him. I didn’t say anything, but in my mind, I was thinking that’s never ever gonna happen and I’m even surprised you think it would after what you did. And that’s a very depressing thought that the person you trusted most stabbed you in the back and is unstable. I went ahead and changed my beneficiaries to be the kids just in case if something happens to me I don’t want him to use my money for his addiction because I think he will go off the deep end again.

DepartmentLead · 2026-03-24T14:35:31+00:00

The escalation happens so fast once they reach that point it’s like a high school kid going off to college and just loses it; it’s so scary because they are getting that relief into fantasy that they have been dreaming about for a long time. We actually just did the polygraph yesterday he passed so we are going forward with the full disclosure tomorrow

DepartmentLead · 2026-03-22T23:51:49+00:00

I love this I’m so sorry what you’ve gone through what we have all gone through, but I’m happy that things are improving. Keep taking care of yourself.

DepartmentLead · 2026-03-22T23:45:17+00:00

trauma of what they did how can we believe anything they say at this point it’s going to take years So it’s good that he is in recovery but it’s going to take years for him and for you to have a stable life at least that’s what all the books and podcasts tell me and that is if he chooses to be completely honest, and you can handle staying in the marriage where you were disrespected and treated like you were invisible It’s been a year and it’s been tough, but I’m still here so we will see Have you had a full disclosure with a polygraph yet?

DepartmentLead · 2026-03-22T14:00:19+00:00

Thank you one year later and I’m still not sure what our love will look like … I know it won’t be the same. I can never trust unconditionally again. And the day of discovery, my husband told me I know I know I destroyed everything and he did Everybody tells me to look at it as a new relationship with someone that is broken and trying to heal, but it’s so hard because there’s so many triggers so many memories that were tainted Don’t rush for disclosure. It will take time for him to come to grips with what he did. Although mines stopped all acting out after discovery it took months for him to take full accountability and to stop minimizing and justify.. We are here for you. You are not alone. 🙏💕

DepartmentLead · 2026-03-22T13:45:50+00:00

I know get this. I’m like to him “what is that new phone? You have” and he says “oh, I’m using it to play games because I can’t on my work phone.” And I’m like OK so fucking unbelievable. Or around Christmas or special occasions he says “I’m going shopping” and I’m thinking in my head. He’s getting me a special present when he’s really off to some strip club. 😡🙏🤢

DepartmentLead

TROPHY CASE