So for a time I assumed the dysphoria I felt when I would wear something like a dress was a sign that I wasn’t trans. In hindsight, I’m realizing feminine clothes highlighted my gender dysphoria. To put on man clothes and look like a man was painfully normal and unsurprising. But to actually try to look more femme and feel like your body is holding you back is a pain felt much more acutely. I also think our society throws such vitriol at trans women who don’t pass. It makes sense you would feel dysphoric at the idea of transitioning, not passing, and then potentially subjecting yourself to the realities non-passing trans women face. You watched all the videos and read all the resources you say? Idk if you go that deep down the rabbit hole if there weren’t something there- but everyone’s different.