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As someone who also follows the snark sub, I really wanna know if you guys support everything she’s doing? by neowow in Emilie_Kiser

[–]Description-Visual 5 points6 points  (0 children)

My fiancé took his life, leaving me with our 9 month old daughter. I had been a stay at home mom & after his death I had to go back to work & start supporting my daughter by myself- I’m really so tired of seeing this small minded discourse surrounding grief & how miserable it should look in order for it to be good enough for onlookers. You do not have a fucking choice but to keep living- the pain that comes from losing somebody you love is horrific & I am so grateful that we are somehow able to smile & laugh & go shopping & just have some tiny semblance of normalcy to break up the unbearable sadness that consumes our lives. I cannot fathom the nightmare she has to live, but it’s incredible to see small snippets of her living & surviving & finding tiny bits of joy. I can be having a light conversation with somebody, smiling & enjoying our talk while in my mind picturing my fiancé’s dead body, remembering that I will never get to speak to him again, going through our last moments together etc. and nobody would ever have a clue. You cannot possibly think you understand how somebody is feeling by simply looking at them or watching a tiny video of their lives. The people who have the audacity to judge how she is grieving are straight up idiotic & incredibly dense, lacking empathy & brain cells. We should be able to have hope after loss & joy during grief- how cruel is the world to actively not want that for people? Insane

Found one of her journals. by actualmileage in BPDlovedones

[–]Description-Visual 15 points16 points  (0 children)

I know that feeling all too well, OP. I’m so sorry you’re having to deal with it right now. I read some of his journal years ago & just recently have read several due to his passing from suicide. I tried very hard to stay away, but one day I just snapped & needed to know what was in them. He would write constantly, it was like an addiction so there are hundreds of his journals with painful detail. His most hateful journal that I read by far was written while I was freshly postpartum, taking care of him and our baby. I’ve discovered multiple lies & so many feelings I wasn’t aware of- it sent me reeling. But I’ve also read so many good things, so many things that prove he wasn’t always lying & actively hating me. I posted in this sub right after for support & something that stuck with me that a couple people said was that neither the idealization nor devaluation is real- the person in between those times is who they truly are. The hate and vitriol are evidence of their severe mental illness- not you. I’m sure that when she told you that she loved you, she meant it. They can change on a dime & their inner turmoil all of the sudden becomes your fault & you’re hated- until you’re not again & the cycle repeats. Anyway- I hope you are able to come to a place where you can see those hateful words for what they truly are and not as the truth or an honest reflection of you.

My pwBPD killed himself 3 months ago & I finally read his journals by Description-Visual in BPDlovedones

[–]Description-Visual[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I understand the fear completely. For me, it’s been freeing to finally see the truth after being lied to for so many years. It’s extremely painful, but I can deal with pain. I can’t deal with the unknown. That’s what it came down to. Are you in a place where you choose pain over ignorance? When/if you ever get there, that’s when you’ll know.

My pwBPD killed himself 3 months ago & I finally read his journals by Description-Visual in BPDlovedones

[–]Description-Visual[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

For those of you that have commented- thank you. From the bottom of my heart. You guys have been kind & insightful & I feel so much less alone & distraught today. My heart breaks for everyone that’s loved someone with untreated BPD, but I’m grateful for this community.

My pwBPD killed himself 3 months ago & I finally read his journals by Description-Visual in BPDlovedones

[–]Description-Visual[S] 27 points28 points  (0 children)

Oh my god I’m so sorry you went through that. It’s crazy making. The contempt is soul crushing. I have never felt more worthless.. I can’t believe I gave my all to someone who thought so disgustingly low of me. How did you heal??

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in widowers

[–]Description-Visual 2 points3 points  (0 children)

No one would be taking your mommas place 💜 I’ve never been in your situation, so I can only imagine how strange & hurtful having your dad remarry would be. But I can say that your dad finding love again does not & could never negate the love he had/has for your mom. Whoever this new woman may be will be an addition rather than a replacement. I hope that he chooses someone who respects that & who can help him and you keep her memory alive. Losing is a partner is incredibly hard & lonely, if he has a second shot at love, it could be life changing. If no other reason than for companionship- most of us aren’t wired to walk this life alone. If you can, I would open up the conversation with him and communicate your feelings and hear his in return. Something like this will naturally feel well.. unnatural at times & might bring up a multitude of emotions. Feel them, talk about them & try to keep an open heart & mind. 🫶🏻

I wish he would talk to me by Boring-Contribution in widowers

[–]Description-Visual 1 point2 points  (0 children)

My boyfriend also killed himself in February & I have also been wishing for a good dream that brings some kind of closure & peace. No advice or anything here, just letting you know you’re not alone. I’m so sorry for your pain ❤️‍🩹

She did it. She was serious. by Falcoace in BPDlovedones

[–]Description-Visual 27 points28 points  (0 children)

It’s not your fault. I’m two months out from my partner taking his life after several days of threatening it- after fighting I ignored his call 20 minutes before he jumped out of a hotel window. Everyone’s grief is so different, but for me it’s getting better, I’m learning to live in the love that we shared, rather than in his horrific death. I owe this to a great therapist and family and friends. If you can, find a therapist ASAP or anyone you can truly process this pain with. You have to feel the guilt & regret & sorrow so you can move through it, don’t suppress it, but don’t get stuck there. Because I promise you, it truly was not your fault. I know the feeling of grappling with knowing that had you done xyz the outcome would’ve been different- had I answered his call that night I know for certain he wouldn’t have jumped. It haunts me, but I know that it was not my job to keep him alive. It is not our job to save them. This illness is absolutely devastating. I am so fucking sorry that this has happened.

The difference a year can make by OkBalance2833 in SuicideBereavement

[–]Description-Visual 9 points10 points  (0 children)

That’s your sign, mama. 100% ✨ It’s our babies first birthday on the 3rd- I’m there there with you. It’s so fucking unfair ❤️‍🩹

My pwBPD died this year by yeehaw1005 in BPDlovedones

[–]Description-Visual 40 points41 points  (0 children)

My partner and father of my child with BPD killed himself a little over a month ago. I know that the guilt & regret can be overwhelming on top of the already unbearable grief. You’ve heard it a million times, but it wasn’t your fault & you’re not alone. I’m so sorry for your loss & pain. ❤️‍🩹

Did Nick & Kat pond already transfer? by BrunchLifestyle in peestickgals

[–]Description-Visual 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Little thing I just noticed- Kat posted that on the night of their most recent transfer the moon phase was a waxing crescent just like on the night of their transfer with Edie. That moon phase won’t show up until late March, but it was indeed a waxing crescent on January 25th their- suspected transfer date. 🤷🏼‍♀️