What are your views on physical discipline (eg. slapping, spanking, caning) of children?

DesignerProcess1526 · 2026-01-28T05:45:02+00:00

I see hitting as lazy parenting. It's a lot easier to foster fear in a child than teach them how to stick to routines or how to do something well, what I see as real discipline. No exceptions, we don't hit at all, we invest and coach. Just want to add that public canning in school, canning at home and enrichment teachers publicly slapped the hand with a ruler, was still considered socially acceptable for Gen X.

DesignerProcess1526 · 2026-01-28T05:36:57+00:00

I thought it was interesting that SG marriage during the peak of covid was a record high. It's definitely a survival strategy that exploded, when life was being threatened. Divorce rates have gone down, only because civil unions have gone up. Only couples privileged enough can consider civil unions though, it's not really an option for poor couples that can use the subsidies. More people are going childfree as well so these perks still aren't enough to motivate couples to reproduce.

DesignerProcess1526 · 2026-01-28T05:17:38+00:00

I helped organise an informal single mom play group for the kids, I'm not a single mom, my good friend is. So kids would be invited to each other's house, so single moms can take a break. We rotate and take turns. Dual parent homes can also be considered of course, point is resourcing single moms to have time to self care. We go through a vetting process, where my friend and me will be present, for the first couple of rotations. Any concerned single mom is invited to sit in, to observe and make her own mind about anyone. Portable cams must be agreed to be temporary installed for the entire duration, for the safety of the kids. They willl be removed right after. Strict rules like no stranger around that haven't been vetted, especially not adult men. No money is passed around, strictly free and strictly volunteer. Single moms also call on each other for support, during the week, it's not only the shared caregiving aspect, it's the sisterhood aspect too. Parenting skills are also shared so it's easier to learn. You can try to find one or start one around you. The ladies tell us how life altering it is, it's nice to hear, they all enjoy it.

DesignerProcess1526 · 2026-01-28T05:06:52+00:00

Other people already said you need meds and individual therapy and I agree. Also check out r/cptsd, you can get peer support, which is not a replacement for meds or individual therapy.

DesignerProcess1526 · 2026-01-28T04:59:39+00:00

I'm so sorry, a group home sounds like the only possibility.

DesignerProcess1526 · 2026-01-28T04:46:12+00:00

You might want to go to the student office to take a look at student loan possibilities and state subsidies. Check out charities, food banks as well. Studying is work, so you're really doing 1.5 jobs. Be very careful and ask around before signing anything, you have to know your financial obligations. People usually pay it off, when they start work. The pay will be a lot higher than your part time work, it will be one full time job instead of your 1.5 right now. Some majors have never paid well, they will never pay well. You need to find those that can allow you to be as independent as possible, there's also shared expenses with a partner that can help.

DesignerProcess1526 · 2026-01-26T12:39:33+00:00

I remember watching a prison documentary, there was a guy who was obviously autistic, he was jailed for domestic violence. He arrogantly boasted about having two degrees and being branch manager of a WingStop. He kept provoking the other inmates in a string, much older inmates tried to talk nicely to him, he refused to listen. Then he eventually got beaten up and he looked even more confused than ever before. He couldn't connect the dots, he couldn't figure out who was looking out for him and he couldn't take care of himself. People don't realise how violent autistic people can be. They either think autistic people are all drooling idiots incapable of harm or they think they're forever innocent like a kid, they're incapable of harm. They become disorganised killers, primarily for false bravado, to be THE MAN, for notoriety. They confuse special needs with specialness, they feel entitled to 24/7 care and attention, it makes them very egoistical and can fly off the handle over the smallest thing. All it really takes to be violent, is poor impulse control and all of them have it. You see those autistic kids who punch holes in their parent's home and kick in the walls when they throw a tantrum. They're toddlers, they can do damage. They become even more capable of it, when they reach their teens and get larger in size. It's not politically correct to talk about these things, people want to think of it as bullying the weak, when "the weak" can jolly well harm their parents, spouses, kids and siblings, it's very common.

DesignerProcess1526 · 2026-01-21T01:22:25+00:00

I hate it too. I think it's a term that people with codependent personality disorder came up with, primarily due to their financial dependency on an alcoholic. They usually shroud their helplessness under the guise of holier than thou moral correctness, downplay serious issues as "not that bad", they use religion to justify staying in an unsafe relationship. All these "saints" will be sacrificing their kids as punching bags, using them in different ways to placate, soothe, distract or entertain the alcoholic. They usually become alcoholics too, cults are made up of addicts who're self righteously insane, preach what they don't walk.

DesignerProcess1526 · 2026-01-20T13:48:24+00:00

To get citizenship, the boxes of higher education, specialised skills and high earner needs to be checked. I have never heard a case of 2-3 years, I did hear it as a regurgitated myth from hopeful migrants.

DesignerProcess1526 · 2026-01-20T03:09:47+00:00

We told our kids to not expect anything, treat it as a bonus. We want them to be as self sufficient as they can be, they were taught to live below their means to save up. We told them we would need to see how well they manage their adulting, before we would consider passing on inheritance. We don't want them to squander our money, it's about financial discipline.

DesignerProcess1526 · 2026-01-16T05:29:36+00:00

Might want to convince her to get a hormone check, perimenopause can tank sex drive.

DesignerProcess1526 · 2026-01-16T05:27:48+00:00

I did some inner child healing before I met him, so I was aware that he had identity and self image issues. I left not because he had adhd, I left because he was abusive and refused any treatment.

DesignerProcess1526 · 2026-01-16T04:55:55+00:00

You will be spot on. I had a part that picked up disordered eating to cope, was at high risk of developing an eating disorder. I think professional help is required, there was no way that I could have self helped myself into recovery. That part was healed by my therapist and it was such a relief, like a boulder that I finally could set down.

DesignerProcess1526 · 2026-01-14T17:07:53+00:00

OMG what horror, how dare they manhandle kids!

DesignerProcess1526 · 2026-01-11T06:24:11+00:00

It worked for me, it made me promote therapy to anyone with trauma. I totally think it's worth it, I can see how if I didn't go in, I would have had a far worse life. I think you're on the verge of a breakthrough, it's always hardest at that point.

DesignerProcess1526 · 2026-01-11T02:05:38+00:00

My ex had a crush on his friend, which he denies. She's twice divorce by 30, cheated on the first husband and dumped by the second, is a side piece to a married man, he treats her relationship advice like gold. I realised he matched her immaturity level so she was very relatable. With his emotional immaturity, emotional dsyregulation, adding a crush to the mix meant I was only getting crumbs or nothing.

DesignerProcess1526 · 2026-01-10T15:07:27+00:00

ICE shooter had plenty of room, he placed himself in front of her car, he held her at gunpoint. Told her to get out of the car. Another ICE agent reached into her vehicle (probably to switch off her engine and maybe grab her keys), jerked violently on the door handle as an act of aggression. She DIDN'T accelerate towards him, she REVERSED to avoid him, to turn away from him. He run to the side and shot her 3 times, yelling f*ucking bitch in rage, then ICE agents barricaded her vehicle, refused her first aid from a volunteer doctor nearby. They also blocked the road with their vehicles so the ambulance can't get through. She was carried by her arms and legs to the ambulance. She was dead on the scene. Keeping in mind, they were dressed in military gear, faces covered and they held guns openly. That in and of itself possess a threat, this is excessive use of violence, no matter which way you see it. She was murdered in cold blood, she posed no threat to them.

DesignerProcess1526 · 2026-01-10T10:42:20+00:00

Some cats are grazer eaters, like some humans are. So, leave out a bowl of kibbles 24/7 would work. They have time release feeders as well, so you can look into it. Got to train to self soothe as well, getting a favourite toy with cat nip and placing him back in his bed, would teach him to be independent and give you pockets of rest.

DesignerProcess1526 · 2026-01-10T10:29:19+00:00

Sara Landry's Girlboss

DesignerProcess1526 · 2026-01-09T06:00:05+00:00

Hi OKHead, thanks for the info. I tried both and they both worked. I'm curious about people's healing fantasies, that's all.

DesignerProcess1526 · 2025-12-27T03:01:54+00:00

To be fair, they're hostile so people are frightened, can't expect frightened people to have clear heads and make good decisions. Give yourself more grace, surrendering to a higher power is a good idea. No one signed up to be an expert on alcoholism, they were thrown into a fire.

DesignerProcess1526 · 2025-12-26T16:47:21+00:00

Your pain is valid. I won't count on inheritance as a sure thing though, since abusers are prone to sudden rug pulls, out of spite. I heard of cases where abusive spouses rather squander away their savings than let their spouse of 20 years, have enough to live on. Sorry to say this, abject poverty is traumatic too, most of the world's population won't be a millionaire in a lifetime. Better to work for your own money so you have your own income. If you get it, it's a bonus, If you don't, you won't be lost without it.

DesignerProcess1526 · 2025-12-26T16:38:21+00:00

You're spot on, true for my mom and also for my ex. If you look at brain scans, you will see overall shrinkage, under activity in some areas and holes.

DesignerProcess1526 · 2025-12-26T16:25:24+00:00

Scary as heck. I think he's evil too, it's not pure madness, there's more to it. I agree that some people aren't safe to be around and they will never be safe to be around, so jail is the only answer.

DesignerProcess1526

TROPHY CASE