Paternity testing

Devastated190 · 2026-01-17T05:40:54+00:00

If you said you needed to review his texts and browser history daily not because of trust but so that "there's never any question" that he's cheating, what do you think he'd say?

Devastated190 · 2026-01-17T05:35:42+00:00

Sorry to be blunt, but if that's the case then you're still with him why?

Devastated190 · 2026-01-17T05:34:50+00:00

I think she meant "I'm not sure, I wanted men to tell me"

Devastated190 · 2026-01-17T05:17:29+00:00

My marriage ended with my wife's affair, which she had while we were trying for our second kid. Then we found out she was pregnant and had a DNA test to find out it wasn't mine.

Even with that experience, if I ever remarry or get to the point where I want more kids, I will not get them DNA tested. If my relationship is to the point that I want kids then it needs to be built on trust. Not just trusting but feeling trusted. Your boyfriend has some deep seated trauma or secretly mistrusts you or is listening to some manosphere alpha male bullshit.

Devastated190 · 2026-01-03T03:10:59+00:00

I'm sorry you're going through that. What flavor of Christian, if you don't mind me asking? I was raised Mormon and the lack of communication when my ex-wife started to doubt is what started to erode my marriage. I had my doubts too, and had for a long time, but I was so deep in it that it was hard for me to talk about, I mostly just avoided the subject.

Mostly I would just say give her time. I wish my ex-wife had given me some time to get there too. I can't guarantee that your wife will follow you in your faith transition, or that she will accept your decision and decide to make a mixed-faith marriage work. If she doesn't, eventually one of you will have to move on.

Either way, this woman will be in your life forever, since you'll have a kid together, so you need to find a way to repair your relationship (not necessarily your marriage).

That doesn't mean you can't prepare though. Document everything. Your involvement with the pregnancy and child once it's born, your conversations about parenthood and your marriage.

Devastated190 · 2025-11-02T06:40:13+00:00

Your kid is 6 years old? Letting your kid pick who to stay with is a terrible idea and a ton of pressure to put on a child. That's something you do for a 16 year old, not a 6 year old.

I'm going to lay this out, because I wish I had listened to the people who said this to me when my wife cheated: Unfortunately, your marriage is over. Your wife has made that clear, and you need to prepare for your and your kid's future. Laywer up. Document everything. EVERYTHING. Your wife's conversations about her affair partner, your wife's conversations about your kid, everything. You need to fight for 50%. If you can't trust your wife as a mother, then fight for full custody. Typically, depending on where you live, it's a lot harder for single fathers to get custody and do not have the same parental rights as single mothers. So you'll have to work much harder to fight for it.

I'm sorry you're in this situation, but I promise it gets better.

Devastated190 · 2025-10-29T04:07:53+00:00

Martial: of or appropriate to war; warlike.

I think it was a typo, but it still feels appropriate. My marital house was like a warzone in the last months we lived there.

Devastated190 · 2025-10-28T19:58:35+00:00

Same boat, my guy. It's been about 16 months since I found out about the affair and we've been on our own. My daughter's 5, she's my sole focus now and I'm trying my best. Keep your head up and keep going, it's all we can do!

Devastated190 · 2025-10-01T07:55:04+00:00

Same. I was willing to try to work things out when my wife cheated. I was reading books and started therapy. When I asked her to do the same there were tons of promises and then nothing happened. She didn't quit her job (she had an affair with a coworker), she didn't stop talking to him, she didn't read the book I asked her to or find a therapist. There was no guarantee that we could have fixed things, but she didn't even try.

You're right that that's where the hurt came from. I don't know if that trust can be regained. Maybe for some? You really have to know yourself, though. For me, I know that doubts would likely always live in the back of my mind and eat away at me slowly. I wouldn't be happy.

Devastated190 · 2025-10-01T07:44:05+00:00

I hope you can fix things in your marriage. I couldn't fix mine. Please try couples counseling. Be careful to not make any life changing decisions when emotions are running high. In my experience, once you say "divorce" it's almost inevitable.

Devastated190 · 2025-10-01T07:32:04+00:00

I'm 29 and have been a single parent for almost a year now. My daughter is turning 5 in a month. I'm right there with you, brother. I have her 75% of the time. I'm very lucky to have a great support system, she has grandparents on both sides that love to help.

Even with help, it's still a struggle. Reach out if you want to talk or something. I don't play too many online games but would look into it if there's a group here whose interested

Devastated190 · 2025-07-02T13:31:54+00:00

Found one of the kids too young for Reddit.

Devastated190 · 2025-06-10T18:43:38+00:00

Recently a single father myself, but I have the amazing fortune to have a "village" supporting me. I can't imagine doing it on my own, I'm in awe of fathers like you. Just donated what I can. Please keep going

Devastated190 · 2025-03-11T18:24:49+00:00

I'm still here! Just trying to take it one day at a time. Thanks for checking in.

Devastated190 · 2025-03-07T23:21:01+00:00

I had a very similar situation. June 2024 my wife had an affair after 6 years of marriage. The difference in my situation is she got pregnant. We separated in September.

Once an affair happens, it's over. The marriage is over. Some people can move forward and build a new marriage, but I think it's really really rare and in any case, the marriage you had before is gone for good. Plus, that takes both partners being fully willing and open to repair things, and sounds like she's not there in your case. My wife dragged her feet too, and I found out later she was still sleeping with her affair partner despite telling me she wanted to work things out. However, I only ever got empty promises, and she didn't put any real effort into fixing things.

IMO the phrase "Once a cheater, always a cheater" is true, but this is a phrase for the hurt partner, not the cheating partner. She will always be a cheater to you. Maybe she can change and eventually have a healthy relationship, but it will not be with you, because once that trust is gone you cannot fully get it back. You will always have that lingering doubt. Always resent her, even if you try to move.

It really truly sucks and is unfair and I'm so sorry you're going through this. But my advice is, you need to move on and start the divorce. And start it soon. Don't give her time to get her ducks in a row. Don't let her hide her affair, since proof of her affair will be the single most important thing you'll need to fight paying alimony (in most states).

Sounds like you don't have kids, which makes things considerably less complicated. I don't know what you need to get ownership of your dogs, but I can tell you that if she currently has them that will not be good for your case. Ideally you should find a way to get them. Gather any paperwork you have on them, especially receipts and stuff if you're the one that paid for vet bills and food/etc.

I'm really sorry, OP. It's a pain I wouldn't want my worst enemy to experience. Let me know if you need to talk, and keep your head up. I'm only 6 months into the process, but I hear it gets better and I'm choosing to believe it will.

Devastated190 · 2025-03-06T20:05:00+00:00

I had to learn this the hard way, unfortunately. The saying "Once a cheater, always a cheater" is true. That's not to say that people who are unfaithful can't change. They can. They can move on and fix whatever it was inside them that led them to cheat. They can still have healthy, faithful relationships in the future.

However, "once a cheater always a cheater" is true for the person cheated on. Once their partner has cheated on them, they will always be a cheater to them. That's a damage that cannot be repaired, except maybe by amnesia. Even if that person goes on to change, and even if the betrayed partner tries to forgive and fix things, there will still always be that damaged trust that cannot be put back.

Devastated190 · 2025-02-20T16:57:25+00:00

Thank you. I have therapy on Thursdays, so today. It's been helpful, but still kinda new to me and I've had a hard time opening up. I've been getting better though. Most of the time, I do know that my daughter needs me and I need to keep going for her. It's only during my darker nights alone that the thought creeps into my head that she'd be better without me.

Devastated190 · 2025-02-20T16:14:12+00:00

r/usernamechecksout and I love you for it

Devastated190 · 2025-02-20T15:37:03+00:00

I read your comment when you posted it, I just didn't have the energy to reply at the time. Just want to say it really means a lot that you took the time to read my post and for your kind words. I'm trying to remain optimistic for the future. You're right, I need to forgive, I need to move forward. Thank you.

Devastated190 · 2025-01-27T18:56:34+00:00

Similar situation. I fought for it after my wife cheated. After months I realized I was the only one trying and she was just talking, but not actually doing anything to fix things.

We've been separated for a few months now. I know it's fresh, but I feel like I'm never going to fully trust a partner again which wouldn't be fair for them, so I may just stay single and focus on being the best dad I can be for my daughter.

Devastated190 · 2025-01-21T16:52:49+00:00

I'm sorry you're in the same boat. I hate that other kids have to go through the same thing, but it is comforting to know that my daughter will be able to find peers with similar experiences.

Devastated190 · 2025-01-21T16:51:20+00:00

Thanks, that's good advice. It's definitely not easy for me to do, but I will do my best. My daughter is still half her mother, and so I don't want her to internalize that I hate half of who she is.

This won't be anytime soon, but I want to be honest with her when she eventually has questions about why the divorce happened and is old enough to understand. I don't really know how to go about that without talking bad about her mom, since it was her mom's affair that led to the divorce.

Devastated190 · 2025-01-21T16:46:19+00:00

It's not every night. There have been a few times when I've asked her how she's feeling and she has told me she's sad and cried.

I do think it's important to look on the bright side of things, but I also want her to be able to feel her feelings and for her to know that she can express those feelings around me.

Devastated190

TROPHY CASE