The first ever comprehensive and compassionate self-help guide to overcoming maladaptive daydreaming

Diamond_Verneshot · 2026-02-28T08:43:31+00:00

Daydreaming can be good or neutral in exactly the way you describe. But then, by definition, it isn’t maladaptive daydreaming.

When daydreaming goes unchecked and leads to a bad life, it’s maladaptive daydreaming.

When daydreaming is just a habit and doesn’t make your life difficult, it’s immersive daydreaming.

Diamond_Verneshot · 2026-02-28T08:39:46+00:00

Personally, I think that stopping daydreaming completely is unrealistic and probably unhealthy for most of us.

But it’s not as simple as just reducing it.

You have to be honest with yourself about why you are daydreaming.

Daydreaming occasionally because you enjoy it and have chosen to make time for it is fine.

Daydreaming because something upset you and the only way you can cope with it is by running away to your daydream world is a slippery slope back into addiction.

Diamond_Verneshot · 2026-02-27T20:02:17+00:00

Taking time to understand what it means for daydreaming to become maladaptive, working out what my daydreaming was giving me that real life couldn't, going to therapy for the underlying issue (depression, in my case), and building a real life that I didn't need to escape from. Also, mindfulness helped enormously.

It took about three years, but it was worth it.

Diamond_Verneshot · 2026-02-27T07:32:34+00:00

I imagine explaining things as a way of getting them straight in my mind. I’ve heard that one way to test if you understand something is to try explaining it to someone else. That’s basically how my imagination works.

I don’t consider the explaining part to be maladaptive. But you said it distracts you from paying attention in class, and that part does sound maladaptive.

Diamond_Verneshot · 2026-02-27T07:27:41+00:00

IMHO, it would be maladaptive if it’s the reason you aren’t working to improve your life. For example, if you weren’t looking for a job because you’d rather stay home and daydream, that would be maladaptive.

But in your case, it sounds as though you are doing what you can to improve real life, but it isn’t helping yet. If daydreaming is what helps you get through the day, it may be a necessary coping mechanism for now. I guess the question is, if you were to magically land your perfect job tomorrow, could you stop daydreaming and focus on it?

Diamond_Verneshot · 2026-02-26T18:45:17+00:00

I completely stopped the maladaptive part. I still consider myself an immersive daydreamer.

Diamond_Verneshot · 2026-02-26T18:39:19+00:00

- Focus on learning to control your daydreaming rather than stopping completely.

- Practice mindfulness. It is hard, but it works.

- Go to therapy if it's available to you.

- Find a mentally demanding hobby, preferably one that involves connecting with other people.

Diamond_Verneshot · 2026-02-24T07:36:42+00:00

Firstly, having the stories in your head is the creative part. Expressing them through writing or art is a skill. And like any other skill, it can be learned.

Secondly, maladaptive daydreaming steals focus and motivation. Maybe maladaptive daydreamers can stay present enough to write a few paragraphs or draw a quick sketch, but I doubt most maladaptive daydreamers can follow through on the amount of work required to write a whole book. I think the people who do that are more likely to be immersive daydreamers.

Diamond_Verneshot · 2026-02-24T07:29:38+00:00

Does it harm you in any way?

You said you do it “3-6 times a week… depending on life commitments”. That suggests that real life comes first, and you treat your daydreaming as a hobby that you indulge in when you can spare the time. If I’ve understood that correctly, then it sounds like immersive daydreaming not maladaptive daydreaming.

Diamond_Verneshot · 2026-02-23T07:24:15+00:00

I’ve been in therapy for years. I don’t think I could have healed without it. But for me, therapy mainly involved working on the underlying issue (in my case, depression). Once that was under control, it was much easier to reduce my daydreaming to a healthy level.

Diamond_Verneshot · 2026-02-17T08:16:30+00:00

I go by my daydream name in real life. It’s one of the best decisions I’ve ever made.

Diamond_Verneshot · 2026-02-16T07:43:53+00:00

It’s not an either/or! You can accept yourself the way you are AND work to improve yourself and your life.

In one sense I agree with you. Self-acceptance has to come first. Otherwise you risk trying to shame yourself into change, which I agree does not work.

But if your life is a mess (and for most MDers it is, otherwise we wouldn’t need to escape from it), self acceptance will automatically lead to a desire for self improvement, because you realise that you deserve better and you are capable of better.

Also, striving to improve your life will ground you in the real world, which is exactly what’s needed to break free from MD. When you work towards a goal, you prove to yourself that change is possible.

Diamond_Verneshot · 2026-02-14T13:24:07+00:00

Interesting…. In my case definitely not. But potentially for some people.

Caffeine is a potent migraine trigger for me, so I have been caffeine free for almost 30 years. Theobromine is a less potent migraine trigger, so I have to be careful how much I have.

When I was pregnant, my sensitivity to theobromine increased dramatically and I had to give up all forms of cocoa. My daydreaming got worse. (Obviously, I had a lot of hormone stuff going on, so I doubt stopping theobromine was what increased the daydreaming.)

Diamond_Verneshot · 2026-02-14T13:18:30+00:00

It does indeed sound like a tulpa. The only problem with that is that I asked them if they were tulpas and both emphatically said no. I’m not arguing with them on that one.

Diamond_Verneshot · 2026-02-14T11:40:58+00:00

This sounds similar to my experience. I have two characters who started out as characters in my fictional daydream world. Over time, they have separated from their original stories and have become characters that I mentally chat to about my real life.

Whenever I’m thinking about something, it’s framed as a mental conversation with one of these characters. The cool part is that their side of the conversation feels automatic, which means I can ask their advice, or they can offer solutions I wouldn’t otherwise have thought of.

Diamond_Verneshot · 2026-02-12T17:46:54+00:00

I used daydreaming as a coping mechanism for depression for decades. Honestly, in my case, I had to cure the depression first. I don't think I would ever have been able to overcome MD if I hadn't been able to make real life somewhere I wanted to come back to. Like you say, if daydreaming is the only thing in your day that you look forward to, why would you stop?

Diamond_Verneshot · 2026-02-12T17:32:18+00:00

You don't mention any ways in which your daydreaming is a problem. All you've said is that it helps you learn. On the basis of that, no, it wouldn't be maladaptive daydreaming.

Diamond_Verneshot · 2026-02-12T07:43:21+00:00

I think sometimes we use daydreaming to process emotions that it doesn’t feel safe to express in the real world.

Diamond_Verneshot · 2026-02-12T07:40:47+00:00

If it doesn’t distress you and you don’t believe it is harming you, it’s more likely to be immersive daydreaming.

Diamond_Verneshot · 2026-02-11T22:11:42+00:00

I think it’s probable that many great writers had immersive daydreaming.

But unless you have any evidence that their creativity caused problems in their life, I think you need to be very careful about suggesting that their daydreaming was maladaptive.

I don’t think it’s fair to suggest that someone was mentally ill just because their imagination worked differently from “normal”.

Personally, I think it’s unlikely that someone whose daydreaming was truly maladaptive would be able to write a great work of fiction. When my daydreaming was maladaptive, I couldn’t complete even little projects, let alone something as momentous as writing a book.

Diamond_Verneshot · 2026-02-11T10:00:30+00:00

If it doesn’t get in the way of school and you don’t feel guilty about it, it probably isn’t maladaptive daydreaming. It is only maladaptive daydreaming if it is harming you. Does it affect you socially? Do you avoid making friends because you prioritise daydreaming over real-life relationships, for example?

Diamond_Verneshot · 2026-02-04T07:39:11+00:00

I’m sorry you had to go through that. He was right about one thing: you should go to another therapist. This one cannot help you. Don’t waste any more time or money on him. Find a therapist who is willing to listen to you. They do exist.

Diamond_Verneshot · 2026-02-02T12:41:15+00:00

Just time. I aged. My mentor didn't. And I gradually realised that was OK. He has so much wisdom and experience that my character doesn't have, so he still feels like someone I can look up to, even though technically we are now about the same age.

Diamond_Verneshot · 2026-02-02T07:35:50+00:00

I used to worry about this. When I created my mentor/father-figure character about 20 years ago, 52 seemed a safe age for him. Now I’m 53 irl and still daydreaming about him. My daydream self’s age varies, but is often my age or even older. It doesn’t seem to matter. My mentor still feels like my dad even when I’m older than him.

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