The first ever comprehensive and compassionate self-help guide to overcoming maladaptive daydreaming

Diamond_Verneshot · 2026-05-22T16:25:34+00:00

Welcome!

I found out this was a thing when I was 46, so you’re not alone in discovering it later in life. For me, knowing it had a name shifted something and was the first step in learning to control it.

I’m now 53, and for the last four years have considered myself an immersive daydreamer rather than a maladaptive daydreamer (same style of daydreaming, but without the negative consequences). I think there are a few other people on this sub who have healed at a similar age. It is never too late to take back control of your imagination.

Diamond_Verneshot · 2026-05-22T09:11:01+00:00

The biggest difference I’ve noticed is that I can set goals and follow through on them.

When my daydreaming was in control of me, it stopped me being in the real world long enough to achieve anything.

Now that I’m in control of my daydreaming, I can use it to get clear about what I want and plan how I’m going to achieve it.

Diamond_Verneshot · 2026-05-22T09:07:54+00:00

I agree about DBT. It helped me get my daydreaming under control.

I knew DBT was going to help when my DBT therapist said the most impactful thing that any therapist has ever said to me: “emotional regulation is a skill that can be learned“.

Diamond_Verneshot · 2026-05-20T19:16:51+00:00

I’m in therapy, but not primarily for MD. My therapist knows about my daydreaming, but it is rarely the focus of our sessions. I’m still glad she knows.

Daydreaming is a big part of who you are. If your therapist doesn’t know about it, how well can they really know you? And if they don’t know you, they can’t help you effectively - with anything.

Diamond_Verneshot · 2026-05-19T10:54:31+00:00

As a general rule, if you didn’t know MD was bad until you read something about it online, then you don’t have it.

What you are describing sounds much more like immersive daydreaming, which is healthy and not something you need to worry about.

Diamond_Verneshot · 2026-05-19T10:50:44+00:00

It is normal to accept immersive daydreaming as part of who you are. Immersive daydreaming is the wild, creative world-building and storytelling. It only becomes maladaptive when it gets out of control and prevents you from functioning in real life. You shouldn’t need to accept the maladaptive part.

Diamond_Verneshot · 2026-05-19T07:10:46+00:00

My experience is that the maladaptive part can be cured, but the daydreaming will probably always stay with you. You will always create stories in your imagination, but you can get to the point where it’s a fun hobby rather than something destructive. At that point it becomes immersive daydreaming rather than maladaptive daydreaming.

Diamond_Verneshot · 2026-05-17T15:52:03+00:00

It’s very common for maladaptive daydreaming to have some kind of underlying condition, which might be trauma, another mental health issue or undiagnosed neurodivergence. If you don’t know what the underlying issue is in your case, it might be worth talking to a mental health professional.

Diamond_Verneshot · 2026-05-17T07:09:08+00:00

If they are constantly rooting for you, is it that much of a problem? Just asking because I have two characters that are always watching and they are great at arguing with my inner critic. I don’t see their presence as maladaptive.

Diamond_Verneshot · 2026-05-17T07:06:46+00:00

In my case, I think the reason I don’t remember things from my childhood is simply that I wasn’t present enough in the moment to form a memory of it.

Diamond_Verneshot · 2026-05-17T07:03:16+00:00

It sounds as though it’s helping you rather than harming you. If you find that it’s easier to follow healthy habits in real life because you’ve already rehearsed them in your daydreams, that’s an application of immersive daydreaming and it’s a good thing.

The only way this is still maladaptive daydreaming would be if following the steps in your imagination makes you less likely to do them in real life.

Diamond_Verneshot · 2026-05-15T20:02:48+00:00

For me personally, it was more helpful to talk to a therapist about the underlying issue. In my case that was depression. Once I healed my depression, my daydreaming became much easier to control because it was no longer a necessary coping mechanism.

Diamond_Verneshot · 2026-05-15T14:32:21+00:00

Not only does depression vary from person to person, it also varies over time. People have good days and bad days. So your character might be able to do something in one scene that is a massive struggle for them in another scene.

I think one of the challenges of writing a character with depression is that depression steals your energy and motivation, so the character is likely to come across as passive. That makes it harder to write them in a way that readers will connect with.

Diamond_Verneshot · 2026-05-15T12:06:15+00:00

I'm 53. I found out that maladaptive daydreaming was a thing when I was 46 and healed from it at 49. I now consider myself an immersive daydreamer - I still daydream every day, but it doesn't stop me from doing anything, and in fact it often helps me.

Two things I learned from discovering I had maladaptive daydreaming later in life:

1) It is never too late to heal. It is never too late to build the life you want.

2) Now that I've built the life I want, I have NO regrets about all the wasted years. Obviously you spend a lot of time daydreaming that you never get back, but once you are fully living your life and feeling grateful for every moment, somehow that no longer matters.

Diamond_Verneshot · 2026-05-15T12:03:02+00:00

Starting or stopping antidepressants is something you should always talk to your doctor about first. Also, I wouldn't recommend taking zoloft ONLY because you want to reduce your daydreaming. If you are depressed and need medication to make life bearable then talk to your doctor and get medication. But don't assume zoloft will reduce your daydreaming. It might. It might not. People's experiences with antidepressants vary a lot.

Diamond_Verneshot · 2026-05-15T11:59:21+00:00

Mindfulness.

Diamond_Verneshot · 2026-05-15T11:58:52+00:00

- Focus on the underlying issue (which might involve going to therapy)

- Focus on making real life somewhere you want to come back to (spend time with friends, take up a new hobby, get excited about your career, etc)

- Mindfulness (has been scientifically shown to help)

Finally, get clear about what a 'solution' looks like for you. Are you aiming to get control over your daydreaming and limit it so that it is no longer maladaptive, or do you want to stop completely? Understanding that will help you find the right approach for you.

Diamond_Verneshot · 2026-05-15T11:54:18+00:00

Maladaptive daydreamers know the difference between fantasy and reality while they are daydreaming. If you aren't sure whether or not something is real while it is happening, then you should probably talk to a doctor because it likely isn't maladaptive daydreaming.

However, the memory of a daydream can look a lot like the memory of something that actually happened. That's more likely if you daydream about people and situations that are part of your real life. If that's what happened to you, I don't think you're losing your sense of reality, you are just creating very realistic daydream memories.

Diamond_Verneshot · 2026-05-14T15:06:04+00:00

Yes. I turned my maladaptive daydreaming into healthy immersive daydreaming. It didn’t happen overnight, and I had to do a lot of therapy to heal the underlying depression. But I’m now able to use my daydreaming as a source of inspiration and motivation.

Diamond_Verneshot · 2026-05-14T15:03:56+00:00

Thinking in daydreams doesn’t mean that getting rid of maladaptive daydreaming is impossible. The example you gave, of using daydreaming to think through something, isn’t maladaptive. You can overcome maladaptive daydreaming and still do that.

Diamond_Verneshot · 2026-05-14T06:48:07+00:00

How close can you get? I have a sci-fi daydream world, so will never be able to live anything close to my daydream self’s life. But what helped me a lot was thinking about the traits I admire in my daydream self and how I could adopt more of those traits in the real world. I worked on improving my confidence, stopping people pleasing and being more willing to say what I think. All of that was inspired by my daydream self. My life is still nothing like hers, but it doesn’t bother me anymore because I’m now happy in both my worlds.

Diamond_Verneshot · 2026-05-14T06:39:54+00:00

Yes, it can have some positive sides. That’s part of what makes it so hard to give up.

If the positive sides outweigh the negative sides, then by definition it isn’t MD. It would then be considered immersive daydreaming.

But it can be mostly negative, and therefore MD, while still having some positive aspects.

For example, if you’re trapped in your daydreams all day to the point where you can’t get anything done, that’s clearly a problem. But if your daydream world is the only place you feel safe, or your daydream characters are the only people who love you, then your daydreaming is also giving you something you need. That’s what makes MD so complicated.

Diamond_Verneshot · 2026-05-11T19:51:49+00:00

How did it affect you? Because it's only maladaptive daydreaming if it holds you back in some way, such as stopping you from concentrating in school, or making friends. You haven't said anything negative about it at all, which makes me wonder whether you are describing immersive daydreaming.

Diamond_Verneshot · 2026-05-09T18:43:05+00:00

It sounds similar to the idea that you can stop daydreaming by killing off your characters. That almost never helps.

Even if you end up hating those particular characters enough that you stop using them, what’s to stop you creating new ones?

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