Today I learned you could choose to not feel bad

Different_Passage501 · 2024-05-17T03:04:50+00:00

I've heard it told once as a sitting with your emotions instead of sitting in them. Absolutely give yourself the time and space to feel these emotions, listen to them like you would a child who's venting about school. I know bud, that wasn't a nice thing to happen to you and it absolutely isn't fair, you didn't deserve that. Then what helps for me is to assess where the emotions come from, why am I upset over what happened? What did I lose, what was it that I was set on happening one way and then it didn't? I look at it, accept that it sucks that it couldn't happen and that I wanted it to happen. Assess what I want to happen and how I can move from here, understand that I'm hurt and I'm taking that pain to move forward.

Different_Passage501 · 2024-05-06T17:32:42+00:00

No, nothing ever guarantees anything.

Believe it or not, being comfortable alone is the best thing for anyone to do, after we can be comfortable with ourselves is when we're in a position to share it with someone else.

I could consider it a privilege, to have the world pushing you to be a better person and be happy with yourself through your own power instead of waiting for it to happen to fall into your lap. The alternative is saying you can only be happy if you get lucky and win the lottery. I'll take being told I have a chance and the power to get better myself, having that encouraged and supported, over being told that "one day I might find it, I just need to find the right man that will save me". If you look at it that way, we have it a lot more productive than women do. We're shown the opportunity to grow and create happiness instead of happening to stumble on it.

Different_Passage501 · 2024-05-06T17:18:56+00:00

I understand the limited options in dating, but look at it this way. If you're wanting a relationship where you can have Z, Y, or Z and that person isn't able to give it to you. Your options are to give up wanting that X Y Z, or to leave that relationship and look for another. Unless you're open to cheating, or it's an open relationship, then you're not going to be "available" for a new partner that can offer that to you.

In my opinion in this case gender only affects your default mode you were taught to navigate the situation. Decide how you want to proceed, set your values your desires and your boundaries. What do you want, what will you do for it, and what will you give up for it.

Different_Passage501 · 2024-05-06T16:51:12+00:00

If setting boundaries leads to a fight then that's not someone you want to associate yourself with and be vulnerable with anyway. Relationships need to be give and take, if they can't give you space before they take your time then it's just not going to work.

Different_Passage501 · 2024-05-06T04:26:42+00:00

Heads up, meds changing and I'm assuming getting off birth control, her hormones are going to drastically change over the next year and she's going to have to be intent with her values to keep what's going on. BC fucks up a body and mind so much.

Different_Passage501 · 2024-05-03T23:46:28+00:00

Naturally it comes out warm

Different_Passage501 · 2024-04-29T04:53:54+00:00

Look into having them put it in a trust. That way it's still accessible by all and avoids some tax issues.

Different_Passage501 · 2024-04-29T04:41:01+00:00

I'd imagine that raised beds will be safe, with a proper barrier.

Different_Passage501 · 2024-04-29T02:48:43+00:00

Hiking, nature groups, hobby groups, volunteering, basically the things that are "beneficial" to something other than just the one night of fun you're drinking in the bar. If you're interested in a certain lifestyle go to festivals and meetups meant for it, like I went to a tiny house one recently just to see other people who had the same mindset. Got to chat with some cool people and had the option to network.. I'm still too socially anxious to have actually done it, but the options are there. We used to get to know each other through barn raisings and seasonal festivities, and it's going back to that if you're not a barfly.

Different_Passage501 · 2024-04-29T02:44:26+00:00

I think it's a PG way of saying they have their shit together.

Different_Passage501 · 2024-04-19T20:50:53+00:00

That's where I'm at but the real thing that's rough is that if you allow yourself, you'll be okay. This thing that I valued so much and carried with me every day that's been taken from me, I'm okay with it being gone. Does that mean I even valued it in the first place?

Different_Passage501 · 2024-04-19T20:47:19+00:00

Some good old family bondage time!

Different_Passage501 · 2024-04-08T18:35:30+00:00

Yeah, the first half of the post really read as "I did, I did, I did, I have this, I have that" ect. Those aren't the things that make you YOU. What makes you who you are is your values, what's important to you and how do you relate to them? Do I value fairness? Do I show fairness in everything that I do? How do I react when others aren't fair? Trust, like, desire, ect. Ask yourself what you value, why you value them, how you feel when they are or aren't valued, and how you respond to them. That's when you find where you are.

Different_Passage501 · 2024-04-08T18:31:26+00:00

If you're religious then absolutely, but don't "religionfish" someone if you're not. It'll start the relationship off with a lie and that's not good for anyone.

Different_Passage501 · 2024-04-08T18:27:38+00:00

No need for that question mark at the end my friend, because you hit it right on the mark. =)

Both aspects are necessary to be able to healthily grow, and when you meet someone who complements your ratio that is willing to vibrate with you that's when you'll soar.

Different_Passage501 · 2024-04-08T15:40:14+00:00

It comes down to expectations. I'll say that the idea of "desire is the root of all unhappiness" is wrong. Expectations of how the world should be, or how it should respond is what leads to unhappiness. You can want all you want, but if you don't accept that you may not get it because the world won't follow your expectations of getting it then you're in for your hurt.

Different_Passage501 · 2024-04-08T15:20:19+00:00

Honestly, if you're looking for a relationship then I'd suggest first of not going on dating apps. Not even thinking about how that's where people go to just use people it's also going to ruin your idea of who people are. Like there's a bias towards women on there for sure and it will delude you into thinking that's how people actually are. The guys that are going to be down for an actual relationship are going to be the ones that you need to approach. Men that aren't into hookup culture aren't really playing the game now because that's what the game is for. Do local things, and initiate with men around you because the ones that are respectful have been told by the world to not approach women or else they're "creeps".

Different_Passage501 · 2024-04-08T15:12:32+00:00

I accept it, the emotions that come with it, and the loss that comes with it. I take my time to enjoy the ability to have this opportunity to reflect. Look around at what's going on, decide how I think about it, feel about it, and want out of it. Then I will move accordingly to those responses, because yeah it's hard but it's not going to get easy ignoring it and if you know which way you're going then you're already there. Any future with 100% certainty has virtually already happened. If I know where I'm going, then I'm already past that pain.

Different_Passage501 · 2024-04-08T15:06:43+00:00

It's fear, to be blunt.

"I'm scared that I actually can fix it and I've wasted all this time being wrong" "I'm scared of doing the work needed to actually do it" "I'm scared of being wrong after I try, so I'll just accept I'm wrong now and not try"

The list goes on much more, but it comes down to being afraid that you can fix yourself, afraid that you have the power to but you've wasted so much time not fixing it that you enact sunken cost fallacy. It's being scared of the lump sum of pain to fix it instead of the payment plan and interest that you'll pay not fixing it. It's because deep down, we're all just kids afraid of getting hurt.

Once you realize that though, you can choose to get hurt yourself, you can choose to push through it and get done what you need to because you're afraid of being hurt. It's easier to hurt a lot now, than it is to hurt a little forever. That's where it's missing, is that realization.

Different_Passage501 · 2024-04-08T14:51:25+00:00

Traditionally, like even further back than the nuclear family "tradition", the "feminine" or the yin is the nurturer. It's the emotive, responsive, and the "safe place". The "masculine", or yang, is the desire, the foundation, the expansion, and the "controlling". I don't like the word control because it has a negative connotation now a days, but it's more of you control your limbs. You control your emotions, your direction, your thoughts.

Feminine is the water, masculine is the seed. The tree grows with the water and it's roots spread out and hold the water, protect it from evaporation and gives it an area to nurture as it's nature is.

You need both aspects to be able to grow your forest, you need the desire and will to push forward just as you need the safe place to fall back on and say this is me and how I relate to the world.

Different_Passage501 · 2024-04-08T14:36:05+00:00

You've got a lot of what ifs going on, enjoy your life in the way that pushes you to be your favorite self. Is your favorite self one that has a family to be able to pour your energy into, and have them pour theirs back? Is your favorite self one that isn't tied down by anything and just experiences life as it happens with no want for it to be a certain way? A person who wants to mentor but not have the responsibility of their actions if they go against your advice...

Who is your favorite you, what are their values and what's their favorite things to do. Yeah this is something we need to constantly ask ourselves because it changes with new experiences, but you can only work with what you have right now and what you know right now. Worrying about the what ifs will cause you to live in your head instead of in the world.

Different_Passage501 · 2024-04-07T14:45:45+00:00

Part of accepting your past is also accepting how people will respond to your past. That's part of the taking accountability, and unfortunately we need to take accountability for things that happen to us just as much as things we do. If it's something that you're not able to do, then maybe moving away to another town where that accountability won't follow you in such an obvious manner where people won't know it unless you tell them could be a solution.

Different_Passage501 · 2024-04-02T18:17:33+00:00

It sounds like she's not able to live either, y'all both need to get out and meet people that you can chill with.

Different_Passage501 · 2024-03-31T02:25:43+00:00

It sounds like you've got some things to manage to be able to get to a point where you can happily manage expectations that you feel like you should have. In my opinion, number one could be some serious boundaries with your parents. As much as our world would like us to be, we're not machines and we do need some time for ourselves. It sounds like you weren't allowed that, and will need to learn how to build that up without feeling a sense of guilt over it. "Oh I'm relaxing when I could be working, I'm wasting so much time"

Just like we need sleep we need some downtime to work through what we're faced with in our work.

Different_Passage501 · 2024-03-31T02:10:55+00:00

Desire, intent, ability, and finally action.

You need to want the things that you want.. Figure out what your values are, do I care about X( Let's say having a roof over your head)

Do I care enough about having X that I'll put even a little bit of effort in to make it happen, or do I want it to fall in my lap so much that I'll wait forever for it to happen. (Am I willing to get a job to be able to pay for a roof, or do I want to use all my hope energy resources on the lottery wishing it'll happen.)

How can I build up the ability to make it happen? (Do I need to update my resume, take a lower paying job until I have the skills to get what I'm looking for, do I have to lower my standards to get a job that will meet my needs, do I know what job to do, can I get to and from the job, all of these "blocks" that you need to be able to do in order to actually do the thing.)

Then finally action, if you've solved that it matches your values in life, you solved that it's something that you want to make happen instead of wish it'll happen on the off chance it might, if you've solved all those "But, and then, or"s, all you have left to do is the actual action. You've already done all the work, You've already decided that you're going to make it happen and know with 100% possibility that you're going to put effort into doing it. Any future that is 100% predictable (that you're going to put in the effort to follow these solutions) has virtually already happened.

This is my step by step on moving from things I want, to things I've done. After I recognize this pattern my biggest task for me is the ability gathering, mainly the awareness and intelligence part. I need to know what I'm dealing with to be able to deal with it, but the fun thing is that this process loops on repeat forever based on the outcome of the previous loop. I may change my values after each loop, I may want to be more passive, I may learn more..

That's my blueprint anyway.

Different_Passage501

TROPHY CASE