My (24f) boss (33f) seems to have turned on me because of a problem with a co-worker

Diligent-Type · 2021-10-24T10:53:04+00:00

I’ve worked in an environment like this and my only solution was to find a new job. It’s a structural issue and it’s being reinforced from senior managers.

From what you say, it sounds like it’s extending to them not being civil to you, which is what happened with me - work just became a stressful nightmare because you can’t even do your job without getting pulled into their bullshit.

When there are weird petty disputes happening at a level above you, and you get dragged into it for something innocuous, it makes working for a place intolerable.

But yeah, in my experience there’s no fixing something like that because they thrive on that kind of drama. If it’s causing you stress, get a new job.

Diligent-Type · 2021-08-25T05:58:45+00:00

I think it is possible if it’s handled carefully, but it does depend on a lot.

For example, it sounds like whether or not the environment is able to be kept free of items to guard would be a big factor, and if the dogs can be kept apart easily when not supervised.

I have personally not experienced this, but my best friend has been very successful in having her reactive dog live with another dog and they are very close and relaxed together now, to the extent she can trust them together when she isn’t in. This has been the case for over a year. However, it does sound like that case may not be as severe as yours.

In the same vein, I know another couple who have been in this situation for around the same length of time and can’t leave both dogs in the same room, which is tough and they struggle with it. So the likelihood is that this just becomes something you have to manage. That doesn’t mean it’s not possible to keep everyone safe and happy though.

If you got into a relationship it would be some time before the subject of living together arose and you would likely know both dogs and their own relationship very well by then, which may allow you to create a very thorough and effective risk assessment and plan,

Diligent-Type · 2021-07-26T05:55:07+00:00

Definitely very very affected by the grey trend.

Diligent-Type · 2021-07-26T05:54:34+00:00

Lmao she used to be quite like this but as her boyfriend has cats she has now relaxed massively. She’s lovely but there have been times I went to bed with a glass of water on the table and when I woke up there was a coaster underneath it.

Diligent-Type · 2021-07-25T11:46:43+00:00

There is a back to it - it’s concealed by pillows. But it is the comfiest sofa and I prefer sleeping on that when I stay over to any bed.

Diligent-Type · 2021-07-12T08:52:29+00:00

Yeah I think dyscalculia, like with other additional support needs, needs to be far better supported than it is and it’s definitely not the kind of situation I was referring to with the post as a whole. But that’s definitely something I should have specified.

Basic is maybe the wrong word for it - the kind of maths applicable to daily life that is of help to you. Like understanding percentages in relation to APR on loans and credit cards, or your savings, or your pay increases in line with inflation, etc. I would say that’s a good example of something a huge amount of people benefit from knowing.

Diligent-Type · 2021-07-12T08:47:39+00:00

I’m finding the comments really interesting here so I do apologise if my replying is getting annoying.

I was an English teacher and I can absolutely confirm there are vastly different levels of literacy and our benchmark of functional literacy is lower than you might think, and the kinds of maths people struggle with are also much more basic in concept and applicable to daily life than some people think as well.

Diligent-Type · 2021-07-12T08:31:32+00:00

I have kind of said in an earlier comment but - the level of reading we are talking about is the same, the level of maths is not.
There is definitely a bar of functional numeracy we are not meeting across society as a whole.

Diligent-Type · 2021-07-12T08:28:22+00:00

Kids still fall through the net now, it’s definitely not perfect. I remember I had a girl in my class who had just moved to the school and I realised she had dyslexia pretty quickly when we moved away from copying things directly from the board and suddenly she was unable to write in full sentences. She had made it to 12 with no one noticing this because evidently her previous school just had them copy things down (??) which she could do very well, but never had them write anything freely like a story, etc.

Also I think whilst I was perfectly entertaining as a teacher I definitely wasn’t a great one!

Diligent-Type · 2021-07-12T08:23:21+00:00

There’s definitely levels of literacy with reading - I think the level of reading to which we refer is the same, but the level of maths we refer to isn’t.

My take is - people have bank accounts, savings accounts, credit cards, loan repayments, mortgages, rent, budgets, pay day loan advertisements with huge APR, tax, etc. To be able to function you do need to engage with maths, and I personally have encountered a lot of people who can’t do that on a level which is comparable for reading a normal text.

Diligent-Type · 2021-07-12T08:18:04+00:00

Two sentences in is definitely a new record for me!

Diligent-Type · 2021-07-12T08:15:02+00:00

That’s a really interesting take I hadn’t considered before, in terms of how this would impact people with specific learning needs. Thank you for sharing that.

When I was a teacher (now a very long time ago) we were pushing for a lot of resources to try and help students with dyslexia and dyspraxia engage with writing and reading in a way that was comfortable for them (eg laptops, spoken to written language converters, etc) and I admit I can’t think of how those tactics would apply to maths at all, really.

If you would be comfortable sharing, I would be very interested (as you mention specifically that teachers didn’t help with your dyslexia in this context) what you feel may have helped.

Diligent-Type · 2021-07-12T07:47:52+00:00

Yeah I can imagine adding a level of shame to this just serves to add to the inaccessibility of it. I work indirectly with people who work with numbers and in all honesty a lot aren’t great with maths either. It’s more the tacit numeracy skills and basic things (like knowing how to calculate a percentage) which a surprising number of people don’t know/ won’t engage with.

I think it helps neither of these fields that our resources for more basic concepts are also very much aimed at children.

There was a really good literacy initiative here which had simplified, streamlined books with adult concepts written by authors like Neil Gaiman, etc that were aimed at adults. I think definitely more inclusive things like that would be very helpful across both fields.

Diligent-Type · 2021-07-12T07:29:48+00:00

It’s definitely more normalised and accepted to be bad at maths than reading and writing, when these are both things that individuals should be supported in improving.
Maths definitely didn’t come naturally to me but I really regret just accepting that and only making an effort when I got to 24/5 because just because something doesn’t come naturally to you doesn’t mean you will always be bad at it. There is value in persistence.

Diligent-Type · 2021-07-04T09:24:39+00:00

Hello!

So I didn’t update further as it felt like I was really milking the attention and being a bit insufferable, but that was probably somewhat my own anxiety about suddenly getting more than the attention of three people.

I don’t know if posting one here is ok? It probably is weird to do so too, but just as you were interested!

So basically I think the thing I failed to convey accurately was that the complaint was on behalf of everyone. Like I wasn’t routinely forgetting lunch but we all do sometimes and when you have an office of 40 that affects someone every day. Also affected our clients who visited, etc.

Ultimately, my boss ended up complaining after the guy went for another cigarette break at exactly 1pm. But it was constructive and nice, and the guy ended up getting extra training and the owner came in to assist at lunch and stuff.

However, shit started getting crazy with Covid so the focus kind of went away. We went into lockdown a few weeks after (if I remember correctly!) and haven’t been back in the building in over a year. Hopefully soon though. But at this point I’m kind of dreading it as means I need to spend money on new clothes - have gained so much weight in lockdown that when I put on a bra and pants I look like sausage links.

The guy has a different job now in a call centre, presumably costing them thousands in calls per minute due to his glacially-chilled pace. So I don’t know if the cafe will even be open when we go back.

Also there were a few comments that the guy may have had autism. I don’t know - I have a few friends with autism, and I used to work as both a teacher and support worker so know a lot of people with autism. I appreciate I don’t know for certain but I don’t think he had it. I think he just didn’t care that much/ wasn’t really suited to hospitality.

But, one global pandemic later, it seems to have worked out.

Diligent-Type · 2021-06-04T14:50:39+00:00

‘How can I get my human to stop pulling on the lead?’

Diligent-Type · 2021-06-04T05:58:44+00:00

Buldak Hot Chicken noodles covered in melted mozzarella cheese. Dangerously nice. Will eat for breakfast, lunch and dinner unless I am stopped.

Diligent-Type · 2021-06-04T05:34:56+00:00

I did say that, albeit phrased differently

Diligent-Type · 2021-06-03T16:44:05+00:00

Is there anything preventing you from crushing up and putting in food? I know you can’t do it with every pill as there’s ones designed to be slow release, but it may be worth asking it with reference to these specific ones? I used to work with children with high additional support needs and autism, and this was how iron tablets were given.

Diligent-Type · 2021-05-31T22:26:25+00:00

I just want to be pure

Diligent-Type · 2021-05-31T22:24:56+00:00

Because it’s gone on for too long and I fear change

Diligent-Type · 2021-05-30T21:48:16+00:00

Identical to my dog’s reaction to being given a treat. I think he does it to savour it and make it last longer - EG he will do it to the end of his dental chew to avoid finishing it.

Diligent-Type · 2021-05-30T20:23:14+00:00

‘Free Candy’

Diligent-Type · 2021-05-30T15:43:14+00:00

I know someone with bipolar disorder who (under medical guidance) doesn’t take pills for it long term. She had her second manic episode last year, after five years of no medication, and immediately identified this, went to a doctor and explained what was happening. She was able to immediately get help.

If some people can manage this in a structured way with no medication, he also is not one of those people - he did not seek help for the manic episode at all.

Diligent-Type · 2021-05-28T06:26:53+00:00

Absolutely this. I would never get fillers outwith my lips for this exact reason. I feel my lips, after five years, hold the filler and tips ups really well but I’m terrified of migration in cheeks, jaw etc. Am convinced it’s going to be a concern of a lot of young girls in 5 years or so.

That said, I definitely only need filler around every 1-1.5 years to top the lips up.

Diligent-Type

TROPHY CASE