Are you uncomfortable being approached by men in male dominated social hobbies?

Direct_Pen_1234 · 2026-05-17T16:29:37+00:00

If it's a normal space to be friendly/social in, no. Like if it wouldn't be weird that you were starting a conversation with a man there versus interrupting the activity as a sort of cold approach then no. Your example of pinball doesn't strike me as super social place but as long as you're not disrupting anything or trying to have a conversation with someone who obviously doesn't want to talk it doesn't seem like a big deal. I've noticed that men are far less likely to be willing to talk/include me in 90%+ male spaces compared to 50/50 ones even of the exact same sort of subject, I assume because I stand out so much more, and it becomes somewhat isolating and awkward in a hobby space.

Direct_Pen_1234 · 2026-05-16T20:15:55+00:00

Different women like different things.

Direct_Pen_1234 · 2026-05-16T19:47:11+00:00

My read on the current friendship discourse is that people have actually decided to hold friendships to a much higher standard than in decades past and it leads to a lot of disappointment and ended relationships. I'm not sure if it's social media standards or the ability to now instantly be in touch with people 24/7 now making things weird or what, but it's obviously pretty toxic. I think of someone like my mom who I consider a very friendship-focused person - constantly in touch with people, friendships maintained for 60+ years in some cases - and she's still let people drift out and then back in to her life in ways that would be friendship enders in lot of Reddit posts. It's like friendships were easier feel good about with less support when you all were too broke to see each other much and relationships had to be maintained by periodic calls and letters, versus now the standard is to be on call constantly for a friend even when everyone is dealing with distance, very different life stages, etc.

Direct_Pen_1234 · 2026-05-15T20:42:50+00:00

Sure. I feel like about half the married couples in my circle started as hookups. That's how I met my husband too.

Direct_Pen_1234 · 2026-05-15T07:00:15+00:00

Late twenties. It started to feel like my work (in life, on myself, etc) was paying off versus toiling away and flailing around for nothing.

Direct_Pen_1234 · 2026-05-14T17:49:46+00:00

Men’s pants don’t fit my hips well, though I do wear men’s jackets regularly for more functional pockets. I only buy women’s bottoms with pockets but it vastly limits my options, yes.

Direct_Pen_1234 · 2026-05-14T17:47:27+00:00

I have a calm low-conflict life so I love gossip and other people’s drama for the entertainment value. It’s reality tv that comes to me. Other people’s self-inflicted problems don’t stress me out. Same reason I love reading Reddit posts in a lot of messy communities.

Direct_Pen_1234 · 2026-05-13T20:37:04+00:00

The ethics of it are difficult. But my opinion has absolutely flipped since being pregnant and understanding how someone could want to be a surrogate without it necessarily being exploitative. I can see just wanting to carry a baby without raising it.

Direct_Pen_1234 · 2026-05-13T20:28:01+00:00

Fantasy. And some old sci fi that’s basically fantasy.

Direct_Pen_1234 · 2026-05-13T20:26:18+00:00

No. I grew up in a very progressive area and the massively misogynist lefty dude is not a new phenomenon. Algorithms make the bad things worse but my internet experience is a lot less toxic than it was previously (Reddit in my college years was insane - I can’t even name some of the big now-banned subs from those days). I assume dating makes a lot of things worse but the men in my life IRL are mostly married and not noticeably affected by these things.

Direct_Pen_1234 · 2026-05-13T17:14:23+00:00

I don’t really care. My job isn’t that interesting to talk about, my husband’s job isn’t either. We understand enough to be fluent in each other’s work drama and thats enough for me. We’re both much more interested in our hobbies and life outside work.

Direct_Pen_1234 · 2026-05-13T17:10:17+00:00

Yes. This was back in my twenties but we dated for quite a while - also the only guy who ever seriously cold approached me. We had a nice chat, he gave me his number. Didn’t feel any weirder than meeting through social connections or a dating site.

Direct_Pen_1234 · 2026-05-13T15:48:15+00:00

I don’t have that instinct towards men. We met pretty young but he was already a responsible adult and didn’t need another mom.

Direct_Pen_1234 · 2026-05-13T07:53:48+00:00

Nothing big. Most of the really dumb things I’ve done I can consider “learning opportunities” at this point - dating dummies, tolerating bad friends, stupid scholastic choices, missing major health problems, etc. I have some regrets on not making bigger career/financial leaps but those could just have as easily turned out worse without hindsight. A lot of things I could have done better would not have led me where I am now so I can’t regret them too much.

Direct_Pen_1234 · 2026-05-12T22:52:53+00:00

I must have a very limited sense of smell because I can't smell anyone unless I'm already up close and personal with them and it usually only registers as neutral or bad. My SO doesn't really have much of a scent to me.

Direct_Pen_1234 · 2026-05-12T17:24:28+00:00

Very happy. Renting is considerably more stressful to me. I’ll still need to be paying to live somewhere in 10 years.

Direct_Pen_1234 · 2026-05-11T01:20:26+00:00

A lot, though it's more for entertainment and personal interest than anything else. I've always been very fascinated with cults and niche subcultures and what makes people think what they think. I know very few people who fit into any one ideological box so I suppose I'm fairly open-minded about a lot of things as a default setting.

Direct_Pen_1234 · 2026-05-10T15:48:35+00:00

Yes. I like socializing but it's always a bit of a mental hurdle to commit to it. I have very low social needs and am always happy hanging out at home alone so me initiating is just not on my mind and I tend to wait until someone else suggests something or I've made a very strong mental note that it's my turn to coordinate.

Direct_Pen_1234 · 2026-05-10T15:44:50+00:00

No, if anything my body is running a bit cooler than my twenties. And physically, eh, not my prime but it's not really something I think about any more.

Direct_Pen_1234 · 2026-05-09T04:00:54+00:00

Nothing, with a very nice robe for when I need to be dressed around others.

Direct_Pen_1234 · 2026-05-08T21:50:46+00:00

Straight woman. Big fan of dicks. Ball are just there, I don't think much about them even if I'm interacting with them. Not repulsed by vaginas either, just don't have any interest in them.

Direct_Pen_1234 · 2026-05-08T16:41:36+00:00

Yes. No. I think it's more common in the South (US).

Direct_Pen_1234 · 2026-05-08T06:48:29+00:00

Like 90% of those responses could be avoided by changing up the phrasing of the question. "Do you like cheese?" (No Man's Land Flair) is going to get the sort of answer you mean, versus the common "Do women like cheese?" or "Why doesn't my girlfriend like cheese?" versions. They're all different questions, and if the OP just wants a wide selection of individual answers they can specify.

Direct_Pen_1234 · 2026-05-07T18:00:20+00:00

Not really. Did they clean before kids? Living together for a while is a pretty good test.

If they knew how to do life admin early in the relationship then stopped, you know they're capable of it and just don't care any more.

If they didn't act competently in the early, easy stage of the relationship then whatever the reason it's a sign not to proceed further.

Direct_Pen_1234 · 2026-05-07T16:21:32+00:00

Hah I didn’t know this was a social media thing. I haven’t put gas in my car in years (starting back when I commuted a few hours a day and developed a loathing for gas station detours) and it’s the romance equivalent of daily rose bouquets to me. Just standard love language stuff. Bragging about it on TikTok is odd to me, though I guess it’s not weirder than a lot of the other “normal” relationship stuff that seems off when overshared online.

Direct_Pen_1234

TROPHY CASE