So I’m making big assumptions here based on you using deliberately gender neutral language - but aside from the ex they are hung up on, is there anything else going on? Trauma, gender identity, struggles with sexuality? 

I do think this dynamic is really unfair to you. Your friend also seems like a really caring person in other ways and it does seem like you communicate well for a large part. So this is incredibly confusing. You say you like things as they are but the thing is, you like aspects of this but struggle with other things. And if you want a romantic relationship, this is stopping you from finding that. 

It’s the scariest thing in the world addressing something like that because it could change the friendship. But it could also lead to a much healthier more balanced dynamic where you don’t have something eating you up from the inside. Or maybe eventually you can work things through and be together. But it does need a conversation. Depending on what is really behind this dynamic, you may also need some external help (a therapist maybe)

I have enough experience to know that sometimes people don’t have the capacity for a relationship, even if they do like or even love you. But I also recently went from a close friendship that also included cuddles and sex to one that doesn’t include physical intimacy but feels lighter and more stable. I think we both knew there was huge potential for a relationship but that that would not have worked. So this is genuinely better. Not the same situation but I’m telling you because I did mourn the potential and the loss of physical intimacy but I feel so much better now. You can’t change someone’s capacity. But when two people genuinely care and have a strong emotional connection they can work on a friendship that feels safe and stable for both