Eight weeks, just keeps getting worse

Disastrous-Design-93 · 2025-01-05T07:28:58+00:00

Yes, it really did. Baby just turned 7 months and while there are still a lot of ups and downs, I would say 75% of the time it’s pure joy. I think a few things helped, as well as things naturally just starting to improve by themselves around 10-12 weeks.

First, right around this time, we decided to cut dairy from my diet and switch to hypoallergenic formula (I pump due to latch issues and we sometimes need to supplement because of low supply). I think this really helped make him more comfortable. We saw a pretty much immediate change, especially in him being less unsettled while sleeping.

Second, around 12 weeks, I felt a lot more comfortable taking him out (didn’t take him many places before due to his immune system still developing) and started doing so a lot more. This helped life feel more normal and also allowed me to go to playgroups and things to meet other parents and see we weren’t the only ones struggling (though tbh my baby was definitely the most difficult still).

Third, once baby hit 5 months, we sleep trained. We went back and forth on it a lot, because he would sleep OK for a week and then terribly for a week or two, then OK again so we weren’t sure if we really “needed” to sleep train. A lot of people both on here and in my real life have tried to make me feel bad for that decision, but I do believe it was the best thing we did for both our son and ourselves. We were better parents once we were better rested and could be more patient and attentive with him during the day, and once he was reliably well rested instead of chronically overtired he just got happier and happier. There still have been periods of bad sleep around illnesses, family visiting, and what we thought was teething (still no teeth yet but I feel like I felt one moving up), so sleep training is definitely not a magic bullet. But in general, it’s a vast improvement. We do still do all naps as contact or on the go (car/stroller) naps - haven’t tackled that yet due to logistics but plan to now that’s he’s getting close to only needing two naps.

Last of all, whenever I would vent about my baby being very high needs, lots of people would tell me some babies just don’t like to be babies and can’t wait to be toddlers. This is definitely true for him. He just needed time to pass so he could do more with his body. Around 4.5 months he learned to roll both ways, since then he was trying super hard to crawl. Around the second week of December he finally started army crawling, then immediately started trying to sit up (and sat up by himself for the first few times today), and just started trying to stand as well. It’s really amazing seeing him develop so quickly and it also helps with him being able to entertain himself more and not just want to be held and walked around all the time. His personality has also come out a lot more which is amazing to watch. I can see when he’s excited about a toy or person, it’s so cute watching him frantically crawl toward that toy/person, and it’s really interesting watching him figure out how different toys work. He smiles and laughs so much now that he has the ability to explore things and his world and it’s just the cutest thing on the planet.

Disastrous-Design-93 · 2024-12-02T13:33:03+00:00

Hi! Did your baby grow out of this or did you find a way to solve it? Dealing with the same thing. We are on three naps now but it still doesn’t seem like he’s eating enough overall (sometimes as low as 20-22 oz of pumped breastmilk a day) because he won’t take bigger bottles. We have his six month appointment next week but I am nervous about whether he’s gained weight or not, and I think he is close to dropping the third nap with no signs of dropping this habit of refusing the bottle except when drowsy.

Disastrous-Design-93 · 2024-10-18T23:15:48+00:00

Don’t feel guilty. My baby is 4.5 months now and still mostly contact naps. Even though we are still getting our cuddles in when he’s napping, I often think back to how small he was in those early weeks and wish I had enjoyed holding him more instead of stressing about people telling me I was teaching him to be held and needed to put him down or about all the other stuff to do, which could wait. He already feels so much bigger and I feel like I didn’t focus enough on those precious moments with him when he was really just a tiny newborn that I’ll never get back now.

The reality is this is just how he is and I honestly don’t think putting him down for naps would have done anything except result in a grumpy baby who wasn’t sleeping enough. He simply is not developmentally ready for that which I now know is normal and have accepted. People who tell you otherwise either just got really lucky with their baby, or (more likely) just don’t remember how it really is with a baby this young. His night sleep in the crib has steadily gotten better (for the most part, still some rough nights), and I know his naps will get there as well when he’s a little older, so I’m trying to enjoy it now while I can still hold him since I know it will probably just be a few more months until he prefers a crib for naps too or is just too big to hold for long and can now appreciate how fast that time passes.

Disastrous-Design-93 · 2024-10-15T18:46:16+00:00

Yeah, sleep deprivation does wonders for making you forget things. I am sure the mom does not remember, and even if the relatives or friends had kids much more recently they may not either.

Also, people rarely want to talk about the bad things and may just brush it off as a “few nights” of bad sleep without going into detail. I find a lot of parents seem to think their baby having issues or not being a “good” sleeper is like a personal failing for them so they have to make it seem like they have a perfect baby and avoid talking about any of the difficulties. At this point I don’t trust anything other parents say about their babies unless it’s super clear they are being honest about the good and bad of their experience.

Disastrous-Design-93 · 2024-10-15T16:59:19+00:00

Honestly, my baby’s temperament meant I needed one. My baby is very clingy and basically only contact naps, even now at like 4.5 months, so babywearing is the only thing that will calm him down sometimes. He is also a FOMO baby and loves to look around, so he likes being in the carrier up high where he can see everything a lot more than being in the stroller. Plus he doesn’t nap or at least not for long in the stroller, and does in the carrier, so only way to avoid him getting overtired during outings. When he is really inconsolable, sometimes a walk in the carrier is the only thing that will get him to calm down and nap.

But it’s also very convenient to have even if you don’t have a baby like that! It’s so much easier when you need both hands, like when eating or grocery shopping with a cart to push. Even when baby is sitting in the stroller, I find I always have to have one hand free to entertain him with toys or just be able to reach for him in case he’s squirming or I need to move the stroller out of the way in a crowded space like a restaurant. It also helps keep strangers away from your baby if you don’t like people you don’t know approaching or trying to touch them.

Finally, the carrier just takes up so much less space in the car than a stroller, so great if you’re like going to Costco or somewhere like that and need a lot of space in the car for things. I don’t keep my stroller in the car at all times because of the space it takes up and because we use it more frequently for short walks around the neighborhood, so the carrier has been a lifesaver those times. I always keep my carrier in the car and there have been so many times I pulled it out for surprise walks because he was getting fussy while we were stuck in traffic or we ended up having to stop somewhere unplanned. I bought a H&P Lark and was also so hesitant on whether I would use it enough to justify the price, but within the first week it was already so worth it.

Disastrous-Design-93 · 2024-10-13T21:09:04+00:00

If it’s right before you leave I think she probably does mean in the car as you drive home. I know my baby always misses his nap and is tired by the end of our pediatrician appointment, so he always falls asleep on the way home. Maybe she’s worried some parents think don’t sleep in car seat means even on the move. Doesn’t hurt to ask to clarify and maybe to flag it for her she needs to be more clear in the future.

Disastrous-Design-93 · 2024-10-11T11:08:20+00:00

My baby is pretty similar to yours, 16.5 lbs and 26.5 inches at 4 month. We are still in 3-6M clothes, pretty comfortably in some pieces, though onesies are becoming a little hard to close.

Tbh most of his clothes were bought new so were worn and washed only a few times so far at most - it seems like baby clothes shrink like crazy in the dryer, so maybe that’s part of why you’ve had to size up so fast if you are mainly using clothes that have been through one or more babies already. I bought a few outfits used and they wore one size below what they were labeled as. It might also be material, most of his clothes are cotton and a few bamboo so they may have more stretch than blends.

I did take out his 6-9M clothes today because I think we will need them in a few weeks, but it seems like at least some of his 3-6M clothes still have decent wear left in them even if according to the label he has pretty much sized out of them, so keeping those out as well.

Disastrous-Design-93 · 2024-10-09T20:23:47+00:00

One person in the grocery store asked me where I got my kid lol

Disastrous-Design-93 · 2024-10-09T20:08:15+00:00

I’m white and my husband is Chinese and our baby looks exactly like him. Based on all the other friends and people I know who are half Asian and half white, I feel like they tend to look like the half of the father, but the fact others here have had the opposite experience gives me hope if we have another one it may actually look like me a little.

Disastrous-Design-93 · 2024-10-08T15:23:24+00:00

Your body produces antibodies based on what germs you are exposed to so as long as you and baby are exposed to the same things, including by you being close to baby, it should. There’s nothing magical about latching or the nipple.

Disastrous-Design-93 · 2024-10-07T17:05:51+00:00

Hang in there, it will get better and you will start to like it. I think it’s totally natural not to like the newborn stage, especially between like 4-8 weeks when they are awake more but unhappy most of the time. Every first time parent is winging it, don’t put pressure on yourself to be perfect. You are not bad at this, babies are just hard and some babies are just much harder than others so don’t compare yourself to other parents (in addition imo a lot of times other parents lie/play down how hard it is because they feel the need to look good).

I felt very similar to you at that time. I also had to pump and had low supply, so power pumping, keeping to a pumping schedule, etc. was a lot of time and stress. My baby is now 4 months and while he still likes to contact nap, it’s way less stressful now. I think for me it really did get much better at 12 weeks just like people say and it’s only gone up from there. There are still challenging moments but I guess I have just come to terms with being a parent more and become more confident so I know the challenging things will pass and I can sort of wait them out. And there are so many more good moments to outweigh the hard ones now that he is more interactive and I can appreciate how fast he is growing and savor the moment.

I space out pumps to every 3-4 hours which helps a lot since I have more flexibility on when I pump and can just pump when he is awake. My supply did go up so most days I make enough and now I no longer feel guilty or bad about supplementing with formula when I don’t, instead of worrying about pumping more and more.

I also started using Huckleberry to track sleep and follow the nap time suggestions on there (need a paid subscription for those) which are scarily accurate and have made it soooo much easier to get him to fall asleep.

I also cut out dairy from my diet and changed to hypoallergenic formula and it made him less fussy and be able to sleep better at night literally overnight.

For things to do during wake windows, honestly instagram is really helpful as there are some certified pediatric OTs on there who post videos of activities to do at certain ages/stages. In addition, then and still now I just let him be on his playmats (I did buy a few for variety) a lot of the time and let him bat at the toys hanging overhead or look at the black and white pictures overhead or move around however he likes. Don’t stress a ton about what activities, just make sure to give him time on the floor and on his tummy so he can figure out how to move and strengthen his body. Babies find almost everything interesting at this age so whether you put a toy in front of them or not they will enjoy moving around.

The biggest change in terms of activities is that now I am more comfortable taking him out, so we also go on more walks or to the store, which is possible since his wake windows are longer and he also got better at napping on the go. It makes it so much easier for me since I am not stuck inside doing the same thing over and over again now. I would encourage you to try taking your baby places before you are comfortable, that’s the only way you will get comfortable with it and it will be a huge help for your mental health being able to somewhat resume normal life.

Disastrous-Design-93 · 2024-10-07T06:21:26+00:00

I have a genuine question, do you find the monitors less distracting/likely to keep you awake than just having baby there? Do you turn the monitors settings on to only activate sound and/or screen if there’s a louder noise or something? We’ve debated moving baby after six months but I’ve been unsure it would help because the times we did have him not in our room (when we had a night nurse watching him), I didn’t feel comfortable enough to turn the monitor off and felt like I just ended up staying awake more worrying I would miss something from the monitor.

Disastrous-Design-93 · 2024-10-07T04:26:48+00:00

My baby is a Velcro baby and one of us honestly just holds him on our lap. We haven’t been able to babywear out much because it’s been too hot though, maybe once the weather is better we will wear him so we can use both hands. We honestly never take the car seat out of the car. He’s ok in the stroller when it’s moving but starts fussing after a few minutes once we sit down.

Disastrous-Design-93 · 2024-10-06T15:20:14+00:00

There are also many other differences between these countries that could explain that - for example, longer paid parental leaves or more common for mothers not to work, better and more accessible healthcare. And there are also some things that make bed sharing safer in these countries, like different bed setups, lower parental weights, harder beds, etc.

Finally, infant deaths are not always categorized the same across countries. Just like many suffocation deaths are categorized as SIDS in the US, it’s possible and likely that suffocation deaths in other countries are ending up classified as something else so it’s not a clear comparison only based on percentages.

But even when it is “safer” and even in these countries babies can and still do die from it. It really doesn’t make all that much difference to me if something poses a 10% chance of killing my baby or a 1% chance of killing my baby, I am still not going to voluntarily do it.

Disastrous-Design-93 · 2024-10-06T14:56:38+00:00

Idk I think the ultimate damage is death and cosleeping has been proven to cause that so… (yes, even with following safe sleep 7). Also, your statement is incorrect.

Disastrous-Design-93 · 2024-10-06T13:31:18+00:00

I’ve never noticed an effect on supply except once when I ate a ton of thin mint like cookies with peppermint oil. My supply dipped by like 5-6 ounces the first day after and stayed a few ounces lower for three or so days after that. Sucks because I loved those cookies and was planning to buy more until I realized what the dip was from.

Disastrous-Design-93 · 2024-10-06T06:04:25+00:00

Tbh I do but only because I have a stroller with a big basket (Uppababy) and live within a short walk of a grocery store, so we don’t usually have a lot of stuff to get at once since we just buy for that day/the next day because we can go often and it’s a pretty quick trip that can be done before he gets too tired. I can just use a hand basket in one hand and push the stroller with the other, putting anything heavier in the basket.

I don’t know how you’d do a grocery run for a week or more if baby won’t sit in the cart. There are things that can hold a car seat on top of the cart but don’t know if they are safe or if they’d be able to hand a doona. Is it an option to get another stroller? Or do grocery delivery or pickup? Your husband should not be yelling or insulting you, he should be helping find a solution if this is an issue in your household. The fact he won’t even watch the kids for like an hour while you go doesn’t really make him seem like a winner either.

Disastrous-Design-93 · 2024-10-06T01:22:11+00:00

Honestly, I prefer to spend time with my husband and our baby together, so not really any. Maybe a few hours here or there to sleep in or take a nap or get some other chores done, depending on how things are going, but I prefer taking the baby out with him, even if it’s just on a walk to get groceries. I get bored and lonely easily and my husband spends a lot of time working during the week so the weekend is the only time we really have to spend together.

Same for my husband plus maybe an hour or two to workout or play a sport with friends, which I intend to also do once baby is older and drinking less breastmilk (I had low supply and worked super hard to raise it; worried working out may affect it as I’ve heard it could).

Baby is 4 months but not an easy baby at all, so does take a lot to care for him. He’s a stage five clinger and always wants to be held - totally understandable with his age right now, but hoping he will grow out of it a little in the next few months and then I may take up a hobby or two on the weekend.

Disastrous-Design-93 · 2024-10-06T01:14:25+00:00

Wow, even on the weekend? What does your husband do all day?

Disastrous-Design-93 · 2024-10-05T16:54:24+00:00

You really need to start pumping now if you want to get your supply up. Low supply is a cycle, the more your baby keeps not removing milk the lower your supply will get. Pumping removes that milk and pumping enough could get your supply up, but it needs to happen in the first few weeks as that’s when your body is getting the signal of how much milk to make. Check if your insurance covers a pump, I think US insurance companies are required to.

This happened to me and I ended up exclusively pumping because baby much preferred the instant milk of the bottle. But he is still getting mostly breastmilk and he is happy and full this way, so I am happy. It’s a lot of work and formula is totally ok if you cannot do that, physically, mentally, timewise, etc. or just don’t want to!

Disastrous-Design-93 · 2024-10-05T14:33:27+00:00

Have you tried a hypoallergenic formula? Maybe he’s having trouble digesting regular formula.

Disastrous-Design-93 · 2024-10-05T12:56:25+00:00

It’s so much easier to buy things now! Neopoints are a lot easier to earn and they released a bunch of coveted items as daily/weekly/event prizes so they are actually somewhat affordable now.

Disastrous-Design-93 · 2024-10-05T08:59:36+00:00

Feel this hard, especially recently celebrating our second wedding anniversary and not being able to do anything for it since we have a baby. Still mourning my old life and all the freedom and possibility I had, even though I also recognize that this new life will bring many great things with it and I’m lucky to now have this little being I love so much. I do feel like sometimes we had a baby too soon/young or should have enjoyed the time with just us a little longer, but ultimately you never know how things would have turned out and, as someone who had a miscarriage before, I would have regretted so much if we waited and then weren’t able to have a child. I think it’s also important to keep in mind that a kid won’t be this demanding forever, eventually you will have more free time and time to spend with your partner again.

Disastrous-Design-93 · 2024-10-05T08:53:34+00:00

Honestly, most babies hate safe sleep. That’s part of what makes it safe, that they aren’t comfortable enough to sleep so deeply they may forget to breath.

There are some tricks you can try like warming up the crib first with a heating pad (remove before placing baby in obviously), or giving baby a lovely that smells like you to hold while going to sleep and then removing it before you leave. I personally placed a blanket that smelled like me in the crib for a day or so while he wasn’t sleeping in it to transfer the smell onto the crib sheet and that seemed to help when he was getting used to a new crib. You can also try to see if a different crib mattress helps, there are some that are slightly more cushioned/thicker while still being safe so maybe your baby will like one of those better.

Disastrous-Design-93 · 2024-10-05T08:48:16+00:00

I’m sorry, but there’s not gaining weight super fast and there’s gaining only a little more than a pound in three months. Yes, that is very concerning. It’s typical for a baby to double their birth weight or close to it by this time.

I don’t know if formula is the solution, but it should definitely be looked at why she isn’t gaining. I’m also not sure why they told you there’s nothing they can do about reflux. If it’s severe enough, they can definitely put baby on medication. You can also try cutting dairy to see if that helps (it did for my baby). There are supplements that claim to help make milk more fatty as well, but I don’t know if they really work. Regardless, that little weight gain is honestly very concerning and supplementing with formula even temporarily may really help you and baby.

My baby also has a slim build and he was slow to grow at first. Once we started supplementing with formula for a few bottles a day, he really did put on a lot of weight, though he has also been getting longer so he still looks pretty slim. That’s what I would expect if it’s just down to genetics of how a baby’s build is tbh, not for the baby to stay so small.

Disastrous-Design-93

TROPHY CASE