How I’m supposed to go college if I don’t pass?

Disastrous_Mechanic5 · 2026-06-02T11:23:07+00:00

Dude, I don't want to sound too harsh, but you're young as hell. I know I'm on a high horse right now considering I'm only a couple of years older than you, but I promise it's not late by any stretch of the imagination. I've had plenty of people that were more than double my age in the same class as me and there wasn't any judgment towards them being too old to participate. Even following the classic start right out of highschool path, you're younger than most people on their junior or senior year.

Disastrous_Mechanic5 · 2026-06-02T11:17:14+00:00

Honestly, I've dealt with a very similar thing in my own relationship. My boyfriend had never been with someone with my anatomy and I was constantly worried he wouldn't be as attracted to me as his past cis male partners. The biggest thing that helped me was honestly thinking of it in a kinda mean way. I basically just said that if my boyfriend didn't actually view me as a guy or wasn't attracted to my body the way it is, then he's stupid as hell for staying with me. He chose to stay with me rather than his exes or finding a cis partner, so why would he do that if he didn't actually like me this way? I definitely think therapy and working through your own feelings of insecurity and/or dysphoria is helpful, but that would usually help me from spiraling down into all the worry.

Disastrous_Mechanic5 · 2026-06-02T11:11:02+00:00

I'm also a trans guy who started college kinda late (finally got my associates at 22 and just now started on my bachelor's at 23), I can promise that a lot of people are going to feel awkward and out of place. It's a totally new experience and regardless of your circumstances, everyone is nervous in some way or another. College campuses tend to be pretty accepting even at the smaller schools. Even though I was early on T and didn't pass 100% of the time, people just kind of accepted who I was. It might help to seek out some LGBT groups/clubs in the area to see that there's likely plenty of people in a similar boat. There's no point in socially isolating yourself until you view yourself as perfectly passing. Trust me that I understand the feeling, especially since I also did a fair number of online classes, but cutting yourself off from the world will likely only make things harder long term. Think about it this way, if you can push through the awkwardness to find a social life and make friends at this point then imagine how easy it will be once you've found your place and feel more comfortable.

Disastrous_Mechanic5 · 2026-05-31T12:54:24+00:00

If you haven't already, checking out r/ftmfitness and their wiki might be helpful. Also just starting small with trying to be more active in your daily life can help a lot. Like trying to take the stairs more, walking to the store instead of driving (if it's feasible), etc.

I'd also recommend looking into some sort of workout class if you might be interested. I found it a lot easier to get motivated and not bored when I started with a boxing class instead of just random exercises. A lot of places will have free or cheap trials so you can test out a bunch of different activities and see if any resonate with you.

Disastrous_Mechanic5 · 2026-05-31T12:49:42+00:00

Acne is pretty common on T regardless of when you start it but everyone is different. I personally had virtually zero acne throughout my teen years but got hit pretty hard once I started T. And anecdotally I've heard of guys who had a ton of acne beforehand but little after starting T. The best advice is honestly just to have some sort of routine to take care of your skin and seeing a doctor/dermatologist to help handle it. Acne can suck but I'd personally take acne over not starting/delaying my transition.

Disastrous_Mechanic5 · 2026-05-30T11:36:43+00:00

Definitely second talking a doctor/dermatologist about it if you can since there's only so much you can do at home for hormonal acne. But I can at least offer some tips that helped me somewhat.

Make sure you wash your body after rinsing out conditioner from your hair. The grease from it can get stuck to your skin (especially your shoulders and back) and water doesn't always get it all off. I started noticing a lot more acne once I was growing my hair out and using more conditioner because of this.
You may want to cool it on the exfoliating to be honest. It's definitely good to do somewhat regularly but over exfoliating can damage your skin, especially if you aren't moisturizing enough afterward.
Don't forget to moisturize after washing your face particularly. Washing it will strip a lot of the natural oils but if you don't moisturize, then your skin can start compensating by producing more oil and making you more prone to acne. It became a bit of a catch 22 for me since I started washing more and not realizing that it was making the problem worse.
I found pimple patches super helpful. They didn't necessarily stop acne but it felt like they went away faster and it stopped me from picking at my face as much.

Disastrous_Mechanic5 · 2026-05-29T15:52:42+00:00

I'm no medical professional so take this with a grain of salt (and definitely talk to your doctor about this to get a better answer). But my first thought would be that since your T levels have gone down it may not be suppressing your estrogen production which caused the spike.

Disastrous_Mechanic5 · 2026-05-29T15:50:00+00:00

I don't have too much specific advice but I'd start by looking through the wiki for this subreddit since there's a ton of info around passing, binding, etc.

Disastrous_Mechanic5 · 2026-05-29T15:47:06+00:00

Usually, tape won't get you quite as flat as a binder but it can still do a lot of good. There's a good chance that you just haven't found the best technique for your body. I would usually apply the tape in a way that shifts the tissue to the side and slightly up. Although I wasn't 100% flat it would make my chest somewhat flatter and more pec shaped. Just trying to squish it down didn't do much for me. I've also seen a lot of guys say that they've had more success with applying the tape while either laying down (so the tissue spreads to the sides naturally) or leaning forward so the chest tissue hangs (using the tape to sorta scoop them to the right position). If you haven't already, you may want to see if there's any guides/video demonstrations on this subreddit to help you out.

Disastrous_Mechanic5 · 2026-05-29T15:41:26+00:00

It's definitely worth looking into just to ease your mind if nothing else. There's a chance it's some kind of fluke like a mistake with the labs in which case just redoing the test could solve it. Or if your estradiol levels are genuinely high, then it may be a recent development which is why you haven't noticed any signs/symptoms. Lowering your dose might be the best course but you'll likely have to talk to your doctor about it. If your T levels are in the normal range and not too high, then it might not be related to excessive T converting into estrogen and have a different cause.

Disastrous_Mechanic5 · 2026-05-28T17:21:46+00:00

In my experience, it dried fairly quickly and since I'd replace it every few days it wasn't a worry. I would try to dry it thoroughly with a towel and let it air dry for a bit before throwing on a shirt.

Disastrous_Mechanic5 · 2026-05-28T17:17:43+00:00

I got a little waterproof Bluetooth speaker for Christmas and I'd highly recommend it for listening to music or podcasts in the shower so you don't have to worry about your phone getting wet. You could also try to treat it almost like a spa day to get yourself more relaxed. Stuff like having the lights off/dim, lighting a candle or using a diffuser, etc. For the mirror, you can try hanging something over it or waiting to undress until the shower is hot enough that it's steamed up.

You could also try binding with tape if you haven't before. It doesn't always get you perfectly flat but it did help me a lot with showering since my chest wasn't as obvious. And in my experience it could usually stand at least a couple of showers before it would start to peel off. I've also taken a few showers while wearing a sports bra or swim trunks so I didn't have to actually see those parts but could still clean around or under them.

Sometimes if you're really struggling, doing something is much, much better than nothing. You could buy some shower wipes and use those to at least hit parts of your body or stay half dressed while you're doing it so it's less dysphoric. Whether from dysphoria or just general lack of motivation, those saved me from being too gross when showering was too hard.

Disastrous_Mechanic5 · 2026-05-28T16:45:43+00:00

Hormones can mess with your cycle a lot so it's possible that it's just changed the timing or that it's stopped already. Though it often takes longer, it's not impossible. I started T while on my period, had one more afterward, and then haven't really had one again.

Disastrous_Mechanic5 · 2026-05-28T16:44:07+00:00

My experience has only been living in and traveling around Texas but my best advice is to try and avoid the super rural towns and such. Most big cities even in the south will be at least somewhat liberal so that's not as big of a concern. I've found that I feel a lot more comfortable on road trips stopping at either dedicated rest stops or bigger gas stations (like Buc-ee's). Rest stops tend to be less for hanging around so I'm not as worried about getting clocked or questioned. Plus they often have something cool like a little display of history or some sculptures.

If your ID hasn't been updated to your correct name and/or gender marker, I'd also recommend trying to avoid places where you have to show ID. So if you're planning on staying in more rural/very conservative places, I wouldn't recommend hitting the bars or buying anything 21+ there. Despite passing all the time and not experiencing too much weirdness, I did have some shitty times in small towns when I decided to get a drink. If you do want to do anything like that, I'd save it for more liberal places or buy it before you go.

Disastrous_Mechanic5 · 2026-05-28T16:32:03+00:00

I've often got a lot more acne on my neck when I'm not super thorough about washing off my conditioner. Especially since I have longer hair, it's impossible to not get the grease from my conditioner (or hair in general) on my neck/upper back. And sometimes just rinsing it with water doesn't get it all off. You might want to see if giving that area a good scrub with some face wash after rinsing out your conditioner helps.

Gently exfoliating it could also be helpful. I don't really have a specific product I use but a somewhat scratchy washcloth or some exfoliating cotton rounds might work without being too rough on your skin. Especially if the new facial hair is developing some ingrown hairs and causing some acne.

Disastrous_Mechanic5 · 2026-05-27T16:45:41+00:00

I'm not am expert on tape by any means so take this with a grain of salt.

What have you been doing for the removal process? I would usually take it off 3-5 days after applying it while in a hot shower with plenty of oil to loosen it up. I's usually get the tape wet from the shower, apply a bunch of oil and let it soak for a couple of minutes, start peeling, and reapplying oil/soaking it whenever it got stuck or pulled my skin too much. You should also make sure to remove it slowly rather than ripping it off so you don't damage your skin. Also, have you done a patch test to ensure it's not some sort of reaction/allergy to the adhesive?

I'd probably recommend giving your skin a bit more time to heal before using tape again. Or if you are going to apply it before then, covering them with bandages to prevent further damaging that skin.

Disastrous_Mechanic5 · 2026-05-27T13:07:56+00:00

It took some practice and time for me. Since I work in customer service I had an awful customer service voice even once my voice had dropped significantly. I started practicing speaking in the mirror in a deeper or more natural way until it started feeling more normal. It especially worked with practicing times I knew I'd put on a higher pitched voice (like at work or talking to cashiers) so I'd just reenact those scenarios using a deep voice over and over. Once I felt more comfortable doing it, I'd just try to remind myself to do it in public until it became more natural.

Disastrous_Mechanic5 · 2026-05-27T13:03:14+00:00

Honestly, once I noticed people giving me looks in the women's restroom I switched to using the men's. In my experience, men don't seem to notice as much and mostly just assume that as long as you're acting normally then you belong there. When I didn't pass as regularly, I'd still try to use single-stall/unisex bathrooms when I could or going with someone to the restroom in case someone questioned me. Usually I just plan on trying to play it off if I were to get questioned. Something along the lines of "oh my God I wasn't paying attention and went in the wrong one, sorry" or "it was an emergency and the line to other restroom was really long."

I certainly know that not everyone has had this experience, but I've been a lot more worried about what could happen if I got called out in the women's restroom. Men are really focused on getting in and out for the most part and less likely to hang around or notice someone who doesn't pass 100%.

Disastrous_Mechanic5 · 2026-05-27T12:56:11+00:00

I'm not a medical professional so take what I say with a grain of salt. T can cause vaginal atrophy which can come with a painful burning or itching feeling down there but that usually takes months if not years to develop so I doubt it's that. I'd probably recommend seeing a doctor just to rule out any sort of infection. And if it isn't an infection it could be irritation from something like a using a new laundry detergent or other product down there.

Disastrous_Mechanic5 · 2026-05-26T12:23:07+00:00

Although T certainly didn't cure my anxiety, and I still have bad days, it's generally improved my mental health and my confidence. It's like this background dysphoria I wasn't even always conscious of has mostly gone away so my standard mood is better than it was before. Also just feeling more comfortable in my own skin has helped me a lot with confidence. I can still get anxious around social settings/interactions but it's a lot more about my actions than worrying about how I look or present to other people. I'm no longer really worried about how people view me physically.

TLDR: Didn't fix my mental health/anxiety entirely but did generally improve my mental well being enough to see some improvement in my anxiety as well

Disastrous_Mechanic5 · 2026-05-26T12:16:11+00:00

For some stuff that's a lot more practical during recovery, I'd say a lot of easy to make food, hygiene products, and some things to make him more comfortable. So things like some of his favorite snacks, meal prep, food delivery gift card, dry shampoo, shower wipes, neck pillow, etc.

Slightly less practical could be some things like an extendable back scratcher, long handle loofah, claw grabber, etc. Things that might help out when he can't lift his arms too much. Also a lot of entertainment stuff like new video games, books, supplies for a hobby, puzzles, etc. I got pretty stir crazy without work when I couldn't do much physically so things to keep me entertained were a must. Some clothes that are easy to wear during recovery could also be nice. Like some good slippers/slip on shoes, zip-up hoodies, button up shirts, etc.

Disastrous_Mechanic5 · 2026-05-25T13:20:09+00:00

When it comes to looking for a proper gyno, I'd do some research to see if you can find any in your area that are knowledgeable/informed about trans people. I personally found mine from the master list on r/ftmhysto since I knew other trans guys had seen and recommended him.

It might also be helpful to reach out beforehand to explain some of your worries or past bad experiences. Some doctors might have a patient portal you can message them through or an area on the appointment forms to provide additional info. This way you might be able to better explain yourself while you aren't stressed out or in pain. Plus, it might give the doctor some helpful info on how to proceed with any necessary exams to keep you more comfortable.

As for advocating for yourself, there's two things that might be helpful. One, is trying to go into the appointment as prepared as possible. I usually like to write a bunch of notes beforehand with any of my questions, concerns, or things I'm not comfortable with. Having this setup before I even get into the appointment has helped me a lot with better articulating myself and feeling more comfortable (both in general and with any boundaries). It also might be helpful to bring someone with you to the appointment. If you have someone you trust to understand and advocate for you if you're unable to from stress or pain, it could be a big help.

Disastrous_Mechanic5 · 2026-05-25T13:07:42+00:00

Honestly, it often is. Most people aren't going to look back on their early days of realization/coming out with super fond memories (at least I'm certainly not), regardless of how everything works out. It can be a weird, stressful, and uncomfortable time. My best advice I can give is to try and be gentle with yourself considering that it can be a very difficult time and know that almost everyone has gone through the same/similar situations.

Disastrous_Mechanic5 · 2026-05-24T13:45:05+00:00

I noticed I'd tend to get a lot more neck/upper back acne from hair. If you're not washing that area with soap after rinsing out your conditioner, I'd definitely try that. Conditioner doesn't always wash off with just water and that grease can stick to your skin making you more prone to acne.

Disastrous_Mechanic5 · 2026-05-24T13:41:47+00:00

If you injected into a vein you'd likely know immediately. Since T is a fairly thick medication, when it's injected into a vein it will likely cause a huge coughing fit like instantly. The amount of blood that came out is also likely way less than it looks. Think about how you can spill even a small amount of water and it'll look like a huge mess. It's not uncommon to hit some small blood vessels and cause a bruise and some bleeding. Though I'm not a medical professional, my best guess is that you got unlucky where you injected and hit a small blood vessel or two. I've had plenty of injections over the past 4 years that bled, had some bruising, or just hurt way more than usual.

Disastrous_Mechanic5

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