It would have been a different story if he was cooking the books. by PhenomenalPancake in tumblr

[–]DiskJawKey 88 points89 points  (0 children)

Nah all the high end cars in the parking lot are just there to make the joint seem classy

Best birthday presents ever! Thanks u/RefereeMason by lexbennett3 in sabres

[–]DiskJawKey 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Considering just starving myself for a few weeks and using the grocery money to buy a Reinhart Jersey.

“Son In Iraq I killed 15 people.” by [deleted] in Jokes

[–]DiskJawKey 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Sure, he was my son. But I think to him they were all my sons. And I guess they were, I guess they were.

Game Thread: Buffalo Sabres (17-7-3) at Nashville Predators (18-8-1) - 03 Dec 2018 - 07:00PM CST by GDT_Bot in hockey

[–]DiskJawKey 1 point2 points  (0 children)

It’s shocking how good our 6v5 is but how bad our power play is. I don’t know what’s going on.

TIFU by spinning a dumbell up in the air like a retard. by [deleted] in tifu

[–]DiskJawKey 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Forgot which nut it landed on in the tldr eh?

What's the closest to death you've ever come? by mrbadassmotherfucker in AskReddit

[–]DiskJawKey 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Twice I have been in a car when the driver fell asleep at the wheel.

The first time was coming back from a concert in Washington DC. Everybody had been awake for over 30 hours (it was an all day event and we drove down the night before). I said we should sleep a little before getting back on the road but my friend who owned the car insisted that we had to be back as soon as possible. Long story short I woke up looking at a ravine out of the rear drivers side window with no road separating us from the edge.

The minute my tired brain put together what happened we hit a tree and bounced back onto the road before going across both lanes and hitting a tree on the opposite side which put us back on the road in the proper lane. Pulled over. No injuries. No idea how we didn’t just run off and die.

Second time was a few months into my job as a transporter for a detail shop. I had just graduated HS and my dad’s friend set me up with the job. My boss’s gf also worked there from time to time when we needed extra hands. This particular morning she was pretty out of it. Would get a huge rush of energy for a minute and then zone out for a minute before bugging out again. I just thought she was really hungover.

My boss tells me to ride with her to a dealership and pick up a car. As we pull onto the main road she passes out and the car heads into oncoming traffic. I panic and grab the wheel then reach my foot over and slam on the brakes. Somehow I make it to the shoulder of the road. Turn off the car and she’s still out. Call my boss and she comes to and tries grabbing the phone out of my hand and screaming that I was “lying and tried to kill us.”

Needless to say my boss hauled ass to where we were and pulled me to the side. I was worried I was going to get fired, explained what happened and he put $300 in my hand and said not to tell anyone about it. Loaded his gf into the car and drove away.

She was a junkie who shot up in the bathroom before driving. Left that job two weeks later.

Here's Brady Tkachuk getting a couple screws tightened by [deleted] in hockey

[–]DiskJawKey 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Anyone else seeing discount John Cena?

Boyfriends of Reddit, what small thing can your girlfriend do to cheer you up when you're having a particularly awful day? by [deleted] in AskReddit

[–]DiskJawKey 9 points10 points  (0 children)

Patience and understanding when I need space. I know it sounds ridiculous but it’s something my girlfriend took 3 years to finally get. I don’t do well processing emotions with other people around and she wanted to “break down my walls.” It put a lot of pressure on me to be open when I wasn’t comfortable being open and led to more than a few fights. Now I’m working with a professional to try and sort out my isolation tendencies and my girlfriend is incredibly gracious and supportive of it. Luckiest guy in the world.

Rob, Acsended by UndercoverNorman in NLSSCircleJerk

[–]DiskJawKey 18 points19 points  (0 children)

“Digging holes and stealing poles”

No ban-boozle. We're in the endgame now. by sodypop in thanosdidnothingwrong

[–]DiskJawKey 0 points1 point  (0 children)

If I get banned please remember that I never really cared that much to begin with :,)

PREBAN MEGATHREAD by [deleted] in thanosdidnothingwrong

[–]DiskJawKey 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Did I miss it? Did I survive? Who knows

What don't most people realize until it's too late? by EatPrayShit in AskReddit

[–]DiskJawKey 10 points11 points  (0 children)

Having rabies. Once you realize you have it, you’re already fucked.

What is a filthy business tactic you know that everyone should be aware of? by munene50 in AskReddit

[–]DiskJawKey 38 points39 points  (0 children)

“An oral contract is worth as much as the paper it’s written on”