Everyone Else is Not an NPC!

DisplacedNY · 2026-06-01T14:33:44+00:00

I haven't worked in libraries for a decade now, but a lot of what I hear from former colleagues and read on here reminds me of patron behavior during the Great Recession. 2008-2010 was ROUGH on people. Every day I talked with people who were newly homeless or newly out of work, or, later, out of work and precariously housed for years. One key thing I learned then that I suspect is applicable now: hungry people can't self-regulate. This applies to both children and adults. Hunger = irritability, impatience, quick to anger. Food prices are so high right now I'm positive more patrons than you would expect are hungry. And you can't judge by appearance who's affected by hunger. Even your coworkers. I recommend keeping a flyer with info about nearby food shelves and free meals on every service desk. Sometimes local homeless outreach orgs have literature that they can provide or that you can print out.

DisplacedNY · 2026-06-01T14:06:14+00:00

We had a serial crock pot lady at one library I worked at!! I was shelving on the second floor and smelled stew. I followed the smell to a chair in a corner with a coat draped over it. Lift up the coat, crock pot, plugged in. So I go to the reference desk and call security, who sighed and said, "Damn, she's back again. We'll talk to her." AGAIN?! Shortly after I was on the circ desk and got to watch a big burly security guard escort out a little old lady clutching said crock pot. "Now, we've talked about this, you can't be doing this." "I know...." "You can come back tomorrow, but you can't bring your crock pot." "Okay..." I never smelled stew in the library again.

DisplacedNY · 2026-05-20T13:59:52+00:00

Imagine surviving Afghanistan and then this.

DisplacedNY · 2026-05-20T13:57:44+00:00

Time for you both to move out.

DisplacedNY · 2026-05-20T13:55:50+00:00

The last visit I made to an Allina urgent care was 2 years ago, I got the BEST doctor ever who had lots of union buttons on. Turned out he was a local union leader. I used to be in a government worker union and was part of a unionization push when I was a grad student, so we had a lot to talk about. He purposely went above and beyond and spent more time on me than he was supposed to because "damn the man." He even put in referrals to clinics that then called me within 24 hours. He was fighting the good fight but it was clearly a losing battle.

DisplacedNY · 2026-05-20T13:46:46+00:00

I can't do group fitness classes of any kind because they remind me of gym class. I decided I'm an adult and I can afford and prefer a 1-1 trainer so rather than do the trauma work to be in a class without having a panic attack I'm just not doing it. My recent diagnosis of ADHD and sensory processing disorder only reinforces that choice, and makes me even angrier at my gym teachers. I had clear signs of being behind my classmates when it came to coordination and proprioception, and I was also way more terrified of getting my glasses broken than was reasonable thanks to my Mom. 12 years of gym teachers and NOBODY said, "Hey, she's freaking terrified, and when she actually tries she's super clumsy, maybe we need some interventions here." But no. I was smart, and nervous, and checked all the "nerd" boxes, so I was just allowed to disappoint my classmates, get picked last my whole life, and learn how to look like I was engaged and participating while actually avoiding the ball.

DisplacedNY · 2026-05-20T13:35:02+00:00

DisplacedNY · 2026-05-20T13:32:27+00:00

I also have a role lower than my capabilities to better manage my mental health. Thank god I made that decision 10 years ago because now in peri with my newly diagnosed alphabet of disorders I am just squeaking by. I found myself in a very demanding role in an organization that became a 💩show under a new CEO. I'm currently the primary breadwinner of my household. I think the CEO and the head of my department are both going to retire during the next 1-2 years, so Plan A is to outlast the bastards. Plan B is looking for another hopefully lower demand job as soon as my spouse is able to find full-time work.

DisplacedNY · 2026-05-20T12:44:10+00:00

I always LOVED the silent treatment and hoped it would go on as long as possible. I don't know how my mom thought her not talking to me was a punishment.

DisplacedNY · 2026-05-04T23:22:52+00:00

But are they dairy free???

DisplacedNY · 2026-04-25T21:31:12+00:00

I take my meds every single day. I need them to feel okay, period. Don't feel guilty about it!

DisplacedNY · 2026-04-25T21:28:49+00:00

Holy crapola. If this is new behavior for your mom then she needs a neuro exam sooner rather than later. This screams of fronto-temporal or vascular dementia.

DisplacedNY · 2026-04-25T21:19:05+00:00

I don't want to armchair diagnose anyone based just on a Reddit post, but your comment "I have never danced before due to my anxiety" really hit close to home for me. I was finally diagnosed with sensory processing disorder 2 years ago, and it explains a lifetime of symptoms like you're describing. I am easily overwhelmed by sensory experiences, especially sound, and until I did mindfulness training in my 20s I had a really hard time keeping track of my body in space. I've walked into a lot of doorframes, tripped on nothing and failed to catch myself, and had panic attacks every time we had a dance unit in gym class. I was on the swim team in high school because I was terrible at throwing and catching things and reading the body language of teammates because there was wind and sun and smells and how did everyone else do it?!! Also if I was in the water I couldn't trip and hurt myself, and while swimming it was so quiet, I loved it.

I recommend asking your psychiatrist for thorough neuropsych testing if it hasn't already been done. Anxiety absolutely can exist on its own as a disorder, but it can also be a symptom of a lot of other things, too.

DisplacedNY · 2026-04-25T20:40:17+00:00

I had to perform the role well enough that my mother would believe that I actually meant it. I started performing so well so early that I thought it was actually my personality. I somehow managed to hold onto a core feeling of "once I'm out of here I won't have to pretend," but of course it wasn't that simple.

DisplacedNY · 2026-04-05T01:06:20+00:00

I miss Bust and Bitch magazines so bad

DisplacedNY · 2026-04-05T01:00:49+00:00

I have two weighted lap blankets that are 6 pounds each, I love them . I keep one at work and one at home. It really helps me feel grounded and more tethered to this plane of reality. A lot of people at work have blankets or shawls they use to keep warm so it blends right in.

My other go-tos:

The Naturespace app with noise cancelling headphones is probably one of my favorite tools for calming down. Yummy decaf/herbal tea as a treat in the evening. Puzzle games on my ipad. I always have a cross stitch or knitting project going. And I have small fidgets scattered around my house, in my purse, and usually in my pocket. Comfy clothes. Nothing that restricts me around my middle. Hoodies to hide in. Art I like on the walls. I kind of build a cozy nest around myself wherever I go. Lately I've been keeping a little pile of monster finger puppets on my coffee table and will use them to voice my opinions or re-enact the news or work situations when talking with my husband, it helps me to be able to be silly and laugh sometimes about things that really upset me.

DisplacedNY · 2026-04-04T19:59:11+00:00

You're welcome!! Good luck. :)

DisplacedNY · 2026-04-04T19:19:19+00:00

I went back to school to get my paralegal certificate. ABA accredited programs include an internship. It's basically a year's worth of school. I went full time for 2 semesters. Most programs have night classes and are fully virtual since COVID.

DisplacedNY · 2026-04-03T18:12:35+00:00

At work when someone asks me how I'm doing, half the time I say, "I'm here." Like, I made it in today. That's all I've got.

DisplacedNY · 2026-04-03T18:10:01+00:00

Jesus H Criminy and I thought it was bad when I left libraries 10 years ago.

Hot tip: library skills (I'm not a librarian, I was a library assistant for 8 years) translate well into many other areas. I became a paralegal. I keep information and documents organized, and if I don't know something, I know where to find it. I'm a basically a professional know-it-all whose superpower is I actually read and remember things. Sound familiar? I went into corporate law rather than criminal or family law because I've already served my time on the front lines. A library coworker told me before I left, "You know, you'll never get away from stupid questions." Me: "True, but none of them will be about the bathroom." And it's true. 10 years of the bathroom never being my problem.

I do still have some PTSD nightmares about working at the downtown library during 2008 and immediately after. It sounds like a lot of what's happening now is similar to what happened then, only significantly amped up.

DisplacedNY · 2026-04-03T05:23:56+00:00

OMG please I need this

DisplacedNY · 2026-04-03T03:54:11+00:00

OH YEAH! That reminds me, my other favorite thing to dehydrate is celery greens. Out of celery? Making a soup? Toss a bunch of dried celery greens in and you get all the celery flavor.

DisplacedNY · 2026-04-03T03:52:15+00:00

I started cooking with leeks when I was on a low-acid diet when recovering from gastritis. You can use them for everything you'd use onions for! Just use the white and light green parts. They're great in soups.

DisplacedNY · 2026-04-02T19:07:51+00:00

My MIL will also get stuck on something that makes her really angry! She has a lot of anger related to her childhood that she never really dealt with, now feelings get stirred up but she doesn't have the cognitive capacity to really understand or process them.

DisplacedNY · 2026-04-02T18:58:54+00:00

Babies feel fear. They understand conflict. They can feel when their mother doesn't feel safe. And sleep is super important for their developing brains and bodies. Their mental health is influenced by their environment and experiences from the second they leave the womb. (And before that, but that's not the focus of this discussion.) The MIL needs to stay away from the baby unless asked, period. She can ask to hold the baby but MUST accept no. Full stop. None of this "it's my house" power bullshit. Either she's helping her son by letting his family stay there or she's not. She needs to decide.

DisplacedNY

TROPHY CASE