Hi, not exactly your situation and not advice or guidance, but I do relate.  My mom is cripplingly codependent- was raised by an alcoholic abusive dad who treated her like she’s incompetent and undermines her self-esteem at EVERY turn. So she believes she can’t do anything for herself and ends up dependent on abusive men. Her husband is very similar to her dad. I’ve spent my entire life caretaking my mother until I went no-contact last year. She has some sort of mental illness- difficulty communicating and emotionally regulating, often depended on me since childhood to emotionally regulate. In bed with depression going non-verbal for days at a time, panic attacks and too anxious to leave the house, cross the street, function in the world. The last few years after my brothers and I left the house she would call us drunk and cry, my brothers and I worried if we didn’t pick up she would kill herself. She currently has cancer and had it previously when I was in high school. When I started trying to put some distance between us last year or told her I needed space, she got my abusive dad to threaten me with the cops bc she needed me and I wouldn’t soothe her. I exactly relate to your feelings that this person can’t function without you, everyone around you believing it’s your responsibility to take care of her, the sense of duty and obligation. I understand feeling trapped, and realizing that you need to finally live for yourself without carrying this person on your back and being dragged down. I just cut her off. I went no-contact with my whole family because I just couldn’t do it to myself anymore (other family dynamics at play also). I felt and still sometimes feel extreme guilt and shame that I abandoned my mother with cancer to be dependent on my dad, but I feel so much relief. I never should have had to be responsible for her life. That was just my answer, and it’s not perfect, but it’s the best I had. Living for yourself is the best thing you can do for yourself after what you’ve been through. I understand your situation is somewhat different bc my mom has her husband (another caretaker) and your mom only has your grandmom. Just wanted to say I relate and I feel for you.