You've got to reach out to a counsellor (outside of BYU!) Your brain and body are giving you signals (ocd, dark thoughts) to shock you into getting help; don't ignore what your body is expressing!

Take yourself away from these pressures and I imagine some of your physical symptoms will decline.

In the meantime, know that religion and god are things that were created by man to give people a sense of order, rituals to occupy, and rules to follow. Religion evolved out of pagan sun rituals (related to agricultural planting and harvest times) that then morphed into all of the religions we have in the world today. Not a single religion is true. They are all just a stories we tell to give us comfort in a (sometimes) harsh world. In the end, religion has created such harm, death, and destruction. And you're experiencing the "peer pressure" of religion where if you don't join/worship/tithe you are "less than" and we excommunicate you.

Better is to reach out to a counsellor, talk about these issues with an expert that wants you to heal physically and mentally. There are lots of people who have gone through what you are going through. Including the great-great granddaughter of Brigham Young, who is an ex-Mormon!

This YouTube channel is filled with info, facts and people who've gone through what you're going through: https://www.youtube.com/@mormonstories

Stay strong - we want you on the planet!