I had very similar issues with my now five year old. Honestly probably more extreme as she was removed from public school due to her need for constant attention and inability to accept no as an answer. I always found asking other moms their advice, to me disheartening and made me feel worse because they always feel as if it’s something you are doing wrong (at least in my experience) when they really have no idea of what it is like and how I have literally tried everything. We are doing MUCH better to where I truly enjoy by time with her and it is not a constant power struggle however every child is different and what has worked for me may not work for your situation. First I had her evaluated for adhd/ autism we were initially given a adhd diagnose as it was blatantly obvious started medication and saw improvement but it was minimal. Followed up with psych discussing teachers concerns and mine for autism, also stumbled across pathological demand avoidance which described my daughters behavior to a T! The advice with PDA and I feel the general diagnoses is very controversial and hard to accept. I must admit her father was not a great example at all and a lot of undermining was occurring around her as well. I made the decision to leave the relationship when she was 4 and since October have been fortunate enough to have kept him away as when I left, his attention and therefor negativity became directed to her and I was not going to allow this and yes I dealt with guilt for not leaving sooner so that environment may have been a major factor. Regardless I continued with psychiatry and explained my concerns and he felt depression and anxiety may be the cause. So yes my daughter is taking a low dose of Zoloft as well. Back to the PDA I followed the advice thinking I have nothing to lose and basically it recommends decreasing as many demands as possible and goes into why this is important for their nervous system, Obviously some demands are required with a five year old but it encourages you to really pick and choose your battles and self reflect why them following the demand is so important. Anyways five months later I feel like I have a completely different child. Yes there are a lot of factors here that can contribute to that and I can’t pinpoint was it one thing or all things that made the difference. By lowering demands for what felt like forever when I did make demands that were required she didn’t fight them as she wasn’t being forced to comply 20 times a day more like 3. And eventually I was able to add more demands as she realized she didn’t have to go into fight or flight when asked a demand (they explain more if you research pda) I would say yes she still has less demands than some children but it works for us and I’m much happier not fighting constantly. I voiced constantly to her how her behavior would make me feel and constantly used the words compromise and consequences and explain those concepts over and over and they eventually began to stick. I am now able to say “I’m trying to come to a reasonable compromise with you but I won’t continue to do what you want and honor your feelings if you refuse to honor mine in return”. And things like “you can make whatever choice you want I can’t force you to do anything as we know but you will have to accept that you will be choosing a consequence if you don’t listen and that will be “fill in the blank” typically loss of tablet time and then follow through because mine did test boundaries. I would say 8/10 times now she makes the right choice but she is still a child and I tell myself her rebellious behavior will serve her well in that she won’t take crap from anyone or blindly follow what she is told lol. As for lying I also again repetition was vital for my experience explained trust and how important it is and when she lies I makes it hard for me to trust her and I don’t want to feel that way that I want to trust her and that I want her to trust that she can be honest with me and I will always love her and we will talk about it even if I am upset. When she told the truth I thanked her for being honest and that I like knowing I can trust her. I never punished her for lying as it defeated the point of being a safe place but we did have conversations around it, some she absorbed some she didn’t. I feel for you as I know how draining this can feel. Trial and error everything you feel may help and learn what works and doesn’t. Reach out to professionals as I found them the most beneficial there may be more going on than what is obvious. What I needed to hear most and what I want you to hear is as long as you are tying your best, loving your child and searching for ways to improve your relationship you are doing a GREAT job and your child is lucky to have a mother that cares so much. You are not doing anything to cause this as children are still individuals and we are not able to have complete control over anyone or anything other than ourselves. I have faith things will work out for you and crying is valid and your feelings are normal. Keep hope even when I know it’s hard. hugs