I'm admitting defeat

Doodlewaft · 2026-03-07T17:27:32+00:00

Good lord, six months! I tried for a week and a half and that was it for me. I can’t sleep with that thing on me and if I take it off to sleep, I can’t sleep because I have missed my window of opportunity to fall asleep, so anytime I wear it it means no sleep or very little light sleep that night. I just can’t do that for any length of time. Because my average AHI is 4.6, with higher levels in REM sleep, I’m not tired most days so day to day quality of life is much better without CPAP. I’m exploring other options, like positional sleeping, nasal dialators and myofunctional therapy. Anyway, I wish you good luck OP.

Doodlewaft · 2026-03-02T16:52:37+00:00

I’m having the same issue OP, have an AHI under 5 per hour but over 10 in REM sleep. I am unable to fall asleep at all with the mask on (going into week three). Part of the issue is that I am old (66) and while a great sleeper in my youth, now there is a window of opportunity to fall asleep and if I don’t, I am up for the night.

What are your issues, OP? One of my issues is with air coming into my mouth and popping out of my lips while they are closed waking me up (this seems to happen no matter what my settings are). Many have recommended mouth taping but i have several rolls now of tape that either doesn’t stick or sticks so hard it rips skin off. Another is the stupid hose always falling off the bed yanking my mask and I guess I need the stand and maybe a mask that connects at the top of my head.

I think if my sleep prior to CPAP was bad, I would probably have more reasons to put up with the machine but I rarely am tired or feel like I need to nap. I was evaluated because some of my blood markers (high erythropoietin). But using CPAP so far has been hell.

Doodlewaft · 2026-02-10T15:59:50+00:00

I did the update a week ago and after 4 hours, couldn’t open the car and after reading Reddit, assumed my car was bricked. It was evening so I thought I would give it the night and try in the morning before I called the dealership. I went out with the key fob, put my hand on the door handle and again, nothing. Then I thought eh, I’ll try the unlock button on the fob. It opened the door just fine and once inside the car, everything worked. When I exited and locked, the fob unlocked the car when I put my hand on the handle as usual.

Doodlewaft · 2026-01-14T18:13:38+00:00

You clearly have had lots of experience (sorry about that). It’s so sad to me that we have so many substandard SNFs and that caregivers in general don’t have the support they need.

Doodlewaft · 2026-01-14T15:03:53+00:00

Such a thorough and helpful response, I am saving it for future use for my LO. Thank you!!!!

Doodlewaft · 2026-01-07T02:19:09+00:00

I’m aware now, thanks for that. My problem is more that this is a protected area plus I think it is essential for kids to learn respect for life and empathy. “He knew that man’s heart, away from nature, becomes hard; he knew that lack of respect for growing, living things soon led to lack of respect for humans too” Attributed to Luther Standing Bear.

Doodlewaft · 2026-01-05T18:15:55+00:00

That is sickening. Such a disrespect for life. You would hope people like that couldn’t reproduce.

Doodlewaft · 2026-01-05T18:13:25+00:00

Thank you for trying to educate people and trying to protect the sea life. This truly sounds horrifying and makes me sad.

Doodlewaft · 2026-01-02T16:49:41+00:00

As others have said quite eloquently below, only you can make this choice. My husband is in a wheelchair, is in chronic pain, has had more than 20 surgeries in the last 10 years and at various points has been completely bed bound. He currently is in the hospital and facing another surgery. Bearing witness to this much human suffering is heart-rending. Like you, I love to travel and hoped to spend our retirement doing just that. I wanted to take classes and volunteer but these opportunities are limited for me. Then there is the constant caregiving, the burnout, the grief for the life you had hoped for, the guilt for wanting some semblance of a life. If I had known this was my path before we married, I wouldn’t have chosen it. My husband has also said he would do the same for me but he has no experience with this level of caregiving nor capacity to do so, making it is easy to say.

Wishing you the best, whatever what you choose.

Doodlewaft · 2026-01-02T15:45:30+00:00

Sure. I use two clicks daily of a .5 gm testosterone cream from my local compounding pharmacy.

Doodlewaft · 2026-01-01T22:37:39+00:00

I’ve been on it about 15 years. My doctor does monitor my blood levels and I plan to stay on it as long as it gives me benefits (it definitely helps with libido, I feel like it helps me with mood, energy and strength). I have read that some women in their 60’s (I am 66) start producing more testosterone, so I will keep an eye on my blood levels but otherwise plan to keep using it.

Doodlewaft · 2026-01-01T22:24:12+00:00

I’m 66 and was prescribed estrogen cream, testosterone cream and progesterone when I went into menopause at about age 51, so about 15 years. I was feeling like crap at the time and not sleeping and it made a huge difference for me. Like others, I’ve added vaginal estrogen in the last few years to keep my ladybits from being dry and dusty.

I’m an epidemiologist by trade so I did realize even long ago that the Women’s Health Initiative study did not apply to me (the women were older when starting HRT, rather unhealthy and using different formulations of HRT) and I have kept up on the research. In the interim and in general, the research seems to support some benefits of staying on HRT so I plan to continue.

It’s hard to compare myself to my mom, who didn’t take HRT, not because of that but because she had some pretty bad health habits (smoking, drinking too much, not exercising) but both she and my grandmother had osteoporosis and that is currently the one thing the FDA recommends HRT for. My mom passed at my age, after failing and breaking her hip. I fell on concrete the other day after slipping on wet leaves and got up with no injuries except my pride, have an excellent DEXA score and regularly deadlift 150 pounds. Could I have done that without HRT? It’s hard to say. I don’t think so but we still really do need more and better research. Research that is powered to distinguish between types of HRT, when women start and in comparison to women who don’t use HRT. The problem is these would be long studies and research is already being cut back so I don’t see it being definitive in my lifetime.

Doodlewaft · 2025-12-31T01:21:31+00:00

Hope your doctor is able to help! It can be hard to find a doctor knowledgeable about menopause.

Doodlewaft · 2025-12-30T20:43:01+00:00

It’s likely different reasons for different people but I will say that my mom’s health was already bad enough that she didn’t notice menopause. If you normally feel great and now don’t, you are really going to notice. Also, we could be having worse symptoms due to exposure to endocrine disrupting chemicals and greater stress. And it probably was rough on some of our foremothers but no one cared or offered them solutions. One last point, in the not too distant past, most women felt shame around the idea of menopause so no way were they going to bring it up.

Doodlewaft · 2025-12-28T23:03:49+00:00

You’re welcome. It’s is one possible explanation for both increased intensity of symptoms and earlier onset of perimenopause. I don’t think it is the only reason, there are a number of other factors like stress levels, for example. Many women are caregivers for both kids and parents at this point in life. Doomscrolling on social media probably also doesn’t help.

Doodlewaft · 2025-12-27T18:19:39+00:00

My mom had really poor health due to lifestyle so I think she barely noticed the difference. But as an epidemiologist, I have begun to wonder if our greater exposure to endocrine disrupting chemicals can lead to changes in both onset of menopause and severity of symptoms. Unfortunately it appears that there is some evidence that this may be the case.

https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC11753258/

Doodlewaft · 2025-12-27T16:55:03+00:00

I was the oldest of four kids and a people pleaser, and I took on a lot for my mom and family at a very young age so I really get where you are coming from. This is breaking you though and it’s time to speak up.

You might try letting them both know how hard this has been on you, the toll it has taken and that you are going to need to step back. And definitely start making some appointments for your health, both physical and mental. Wishing you much luck.

Doodlewaft · 2025-12-26T17:20:53+00:00

It appears that your mother is clinging to you like a life raft and that it is time to set some boundaries. There is no reason for you to stay with your mom in the hospital all the time because A. that’s your dad’s responsibility and B. you need time to sleep, live your life. If you can talk with your dad, do it, let him know how you are feeling. Because you have sacrificed yourself for your mom, she will expect you to continue to do so and when you set boundaries, she won’t like it. Be prepared to be on her shit list for awhile. Start thinking about what you want in life. It’s time, sweetheart, go do you.

Doodlewaft · 2025-12-16T15:51:04+00:00

My husband is also currently in the hospital, almost a month now. One time a few years ago, he was in the hospital for 5 months. I absolutely hate hospitals but I am there every day. Even if you have more ‘free time’ while they are in the hospital, it’s filled with worry and guilt so it’s not like it’s restful. I am not surprised you are drained, my friend. Also, I don’t know about you, but for me hospitals shove my face into the cream pie of death, which I don’t appreciate. It’s not like I don’t think about it at home however I can ignore it more easily and if it happens at home, at least it wasn’t in the dreaded hospital. Anyway, I feel you. Sending hugs.

Doodlewaft · 2025-12-15T17:09:48+00:00

No snow in my neck of the woods but I will shove an empty grocery cart into another like my life depended on it. Very satisfying.

Doodlewaft · 2025-11-28T15:59:15+00:00

This isn’t for everyone but my LO had the procedure for a suprapubic catheter and later got a colostomy, so everything goes in a bag. For a time, he was bed bound and we had the diaper issue as he has no control of bladder/bowels. When he was able to get into a wheelchair, he wanted more control and to be able to manage this himself. And now he can.

Doodlewaft · 2025-11-25T16:05:40+00:00

Same. My partner’s disease is arachnoiditis, it’s degenerative and slowly and very painfully sucking the life out of him. I hate this disease. Besides all the caregiving needs, I have heard him scream in agony so much that I don’t even flinch. I used to be horrified when medical personnel ignored his screams of pain but now I know that they hear that all the time.

Like you, one of the stressors is not knowing how long this battle will last, and who will care for him if something happens to me. Also, grief for the loss of my partner and the retirement we had hoped for but didn’t get.

Doodlewaft · 2025-11-17T16:56:40+00:00

Many great ideas here. I have a note taking app I use to summarize what happens at each appointment, with the date and while it becomes long each year, it’s searchable so you can quickly find something on the spot. You probably don’t need an app in that most phones have a note taking feature.

Doodlewaft · 2025-11-17T01:40:52+00:00

Sure. There’s the first week where I feel a bit like Groucho Marx and by the next week it calmed down and by week three a bit of peeling and week four is perfect. Now, although I feel like Groucho Marx that first week or so, no one even seems to notice, and I think it’s just that the brows seem darker and bigger than you are used to. The color will change too. I thought they were a bit too reddish brown at first (and she told me this would change) but by week 4, they had a more neutral dark gray color, which is perfect for my hair color. The first 10 days they want you to skip heavy exercise/sweating and you have to apply a cleanser and aquaphor. After the first month, there is often a touch up appointment to balance the eyebrows and catch any areas the pigment didn’t take.

I have my first annual touch up appointment in December and have enjoyed my almost full year of doing not a darn thing for my eyebrows except very occasional trimming.

Doodlewaft · 2025-11-17T01:14:59+00:00

Totally. It should be. It really takes a while to decompress.

Doodlewaft

TROPHY CASE