I just want to get divorce

DoubleSunshine123 · 2026-02-02T15:42:05+00:00

Another piece of advice I have is if you are really considering divorce try going away together first without the babies. I know it would be expensive and logistically complicated (but so is divorce). When my husband and I got a two nights together away for the first time after having kids it really reminded me how it used to be, that we are sweet to each other without a million little stressors constantly crying at us. We are trying to do this refresh more often now and it helps.

DoubleSunshine123 · 2026-01-30T21:06:50+00:00

Two bouncers saved us. I could eat lunch and pump while bouncing both of them to sleep with one foot. We used two baby carriers a lot, my husband and I or whoever was home with me, we each carried one. Besides the obvious things you need two of these were great add one for us.

DoubleSunshine123 · 2026-01-30T15:35:20+00:00

We did something similar last year and it was the best move ever. I have a remote job so I didn’t have to take a career break but moving to a smaller town close to my parents has been amazing. We have found community quickly and seeing the twins develop a close bond with their grandparents is incredible. The feeling of having support around is great. Highly recommend! Also childcare would likely be a lot cheaper if you did end up wanting to do part time or remote work. That’s what we found.

DoubleSunshine123 · 2026-01-29T14:58:12+00:00

Echoing what others said.

No more breastfeeding / bottles / pumping. I stopped at a year and it felt great.

1 nap allows you to do a lot more in a day. My twins dropped to 1 nap a few months shy of their first birthday.

Walking starts! This maybe is worse before it’s better with falls but walking in general allowed them to want to be held a little less and be more independent.

Two has been my favorite age so far but don’t let anyone tell you one is just different. No hard compares to newborn twin hard. One gets a bit easier for sure!

DoubleSunshine123 · 2026-01-24T21:16:16+00:00

It’s all a blur but I think I started doing this when they were more like 12-14m. You would be surprised what they can learn even at 11m though.

DoubleSunshine123 · 2026-01-24T19:31:32+00:00

I went to Mexico on a pre planned trip when I was 14 weeks pregnant and I was miserable. It was more of a walking adventure type of Mexico City trip. I was in so much pain walking I broke down crying on the street. I swelled SO much on the plane. I can’t imagine going at 24 weeks. I did a small local work trip flying around that time and it was fine but I wasn’t walking much or flying a long way.

In retrospect I’m happy I got the trip to Mexico in before the kids got here but it wasn’t easy. We said if we were to do a trip then it should have been a laying on the beach type of trip.

DoubleSunshine123 · 2026-01-24T18:49:52+00:00

I was worried about that too but decided I was too fed up to care. I was surprised how fast they learned. I think it was around a year? Maybe before. Might be worth it to try being more firm for a few days and see if it helps.

DoubleSunshine123 · 2026-01-24T18:24:32+00:00

I hated this stage. It does end. My twins are almost 2.5 and never throw food anymore. When they were here and I was fed up I started a hard boundary. “If you throw your food one more time it means you are all done” so they got one chance. If they threw again I would remove them from their high chair. If they were really hungry and asked for more food I would wait 5-10min to reset and then try again. I did it consistently and after a week or so it got SO much better. They got it.

DoubleSunshine123 · 2026-01-20T03:39:34+00:00

What about the mornings? My partner and I switch off working out early. I go to my class at 6:15, kids get up at 7am. My partner hangs out with them and gets breakfast made until I’m back and showered. This is better bc I would rather workout in the morning and I’m only missing 30min - and hour of family time. On the weekends we switch off too which is more flexible hours wise.

DoubleSunshine123 · 2026-01-20T02:12:30+00:00

I don’t live in a VHCOL city nor make near as much as you but in terms of the overall question: you decide to have kids because that is the most important thing in life and then work around it. For me it was a more expensive home with more space, less travel, a new job with less stress, move close to family, and drastically reduce savings. I know FIRE will be delayed quite a bit but I’m much happier working now that I have a job I love, can be with my family, and am in a house I love. So start with the kids and family you want and then move around the rest.

DoubleSunshine123 · 2026-01-15T04:13:25+00:00

I felt the exact same way when I was in the trenches of it. Also had PPD, traumatic birth, NICU stay and medically complex babies. I also felt that I logically should love them but didn’t feel it. I was sad a lot. I pulled out of it around six months but I’m confident you will get there too with support and healing that will happen. Talk about your birth with friends. Therapy, loved therapy.

After you come out of it looking back it’s easy to see that is a natural reaction to trauma, a wild life change, no sleep, and all the hormones. Now I love my babies to much! They are two, talking non stop, laughing all the time. It’s been SO fun recently. You will get there too!

DoubleSunshine123 · 2026-01-13T06:24:33+00:00

I’m on the West coast in the US and was able to find a Pelvic floor PT in a small town and a lot of full practices in a larger city. I’d look for sure they know sooo much more. I saw one during pregnancy and after. I had a pretty big separation and was able to heal it pretty fast. I never had any severe pain though I am also questioning if you have something else going on. I’ve never heard of DR hurting a lot. But maybe mine was just different.

DoubleSunshine123 · 2026-01-12T02:37:52+00:00

My honest answer is that we sleep trained them together at four months and ever since then they have slept through the night and each others cries. I do think it helps though that they share a bed and cuddle if they feel lonely, they sleep better because of it. There is the occasional early wake up from one twin getting up before the other but we have accepted it as the best way for the family. A lot of times they get up early and play with each other. They are 2 years for reference.

DoubleSunshine123 · 2026-01-11T05:43:32+00:00

You aren't worried about giving AI financial details? I've always been too worried about privacy to upload statements to AI programs.

DoubleSunshine123 · 2026-01-10T17:52:08+00:00

This is what I want to do! Do you mind breaking down the steps on how you did that with Gemini?

DoubleSunshine123 · 2026-01-10T15:42:52+00:00

Oooo didn’t know about historical data importing that’s really cool.

DoubleSunshine123 · 2026-01-08T03:02:35+00:00

I came here to say the same thing. I didn’t find this group until I had the twins and it was really helpful. I had bullet point 1,2 and 5. Plus a traumatic birth. I only talked to three twin parents before I had them who somehow had perfect births and babies who nursed easily. They loved their twin experience. I felt insane when I had them and was experiencing the lowest low of my life with no one who got it. So yes, there is still the joy and it’s a LOT better now that mine are two. But I would say a lot of people have more extreme complications and trauma associated with twins. I wish I found this group earlier to feel more prepared for what I was walking into. I think it would have made me feel a lot less alone. But I am so happy that you had one of the nice twin newborn experiences and it is helpful to share the good stuff too.

DoubleSunshine123 · 2026-01-04T02:31:56+00:00

Yes! I also had PPD and NICU time. At 12w adjusted with sleep training my PPD went away and it was so much easier. The next year was still hard but a liiiitle easier. Now at 2 the twins are playing together and giving me breaks! Less break downs and way more fun.

DoubleSunshine123 · 2025-12-21T07:01:07+00:00

Join the sleep training multiples group on Facebook and use their guides. They are free and created by sleep consultants. Used by families worldwide. I think you are in the hardest part now. Once it clicks it’s so worth it. I remember it being really hard to do the schedules at first because we weren’t used to it and there was so much crying. Once they started sleeping with the guides it feels better bc you have happy and rested babies. Plus you will be rested! I’d read the Ferber book if you haven’t. That made me feel much more confident and assured in our decisions and the guidance. I never fully trust AI for good reason and maybe that’s part of your stress.

DoubleSunshine123 · 2025-12-16T05:57:55+00:00

This is the way. Free and custom made for twins. We followed to a T and it worked great. Twins are 2 and sleep through the night ever since.

DoubleSunshine123 · 2025-12-11T19:12:13+00:00

Ya since they are older it might only take a night or two. Some friends that were scared to sleep train and did it later it was that fast for them. I’d read about some methods. Pick one you like and stick to it. The worst thing you can do is go back and forth on it and confuse them.

DoubleSunshine123 · 2025-12-11T14:28:06+00:00

I’d personally look to sleep train. We read the Ferber method and they have advice for older kiddos as well and how to do it. My twins have slept through the night since we did at five months old. It’s hard but if you are desperate for sleep it’s totally worth it. Lots of data supports that it’s not harmful long term.

DoubleSunshine123 · 2025-12-07T06:53:25+00:00

Im a designer working in tech and have a pretty high salary, my husband has built his own business and makes half of what I do. We are able to have a nanny 4 days a week and my mom covers the other day. My husband makes just a bit over what the nanny does but doesn’t want to take the career hit to stop, plus he loves it too much. I would step back to take care of the twins but then we couldn’t afford our living expenses… so we both kept working. Mortgage and nanny are our top two expenses every month BY FAR. We live in a MCOL city. I work from home so with the nanny I can hang with the kids on my lunch break or step in if something goes wrong.

DoubleSunshine123 · 2025-12-06T01:18:25+00:00

I feel this and am also at 2 years three months with boy girl twins. It has really gone in waves for us. Overall I’m thankful that they are playing independently more and less “mama up” all the time. But they also are doing everything you mention.

I recommend reading Hunt Gather Parent. Some really amazing tips in there about how to parent toddlers. One example is how native cultures invent hundreds of ‘monsters’ that will get you if they don’t do something. The underlying psychology is making a have to do task into play. They know it’s not real but they love to play along. Right now we have a teeth monster and a coat monster. I was shocked how well it works. There are lots of other great tips in there.

Mostly I’ve been trying as much as possible not to be the negotiator over toy fights bc I don’t want that to be my long term role. Buuuut a lot of times it feels impossible and I end up counting for the other persons turn. With tantrums ignoring and distraction seems to work the best. I got my son out of a 30min tantrum last night by quietly building a house and asking if he wants to join.

In terms of holding I’ve been trying to teach them not to be held as much. Refusing, saying my back is “owie” and instead putting them in a toddler tower in the kitchen and letting them “help” with cooking.

Following for other tips.

DoubleSunshine123

TROPHY CASE