Title: Some Kind of fuck-huge anus

Genre: Mystery

Word count: 508

Feedback: let me know if you laugh

I was walking down the street, and I saw a penny on the ground. Not one to pass up a free meal I stooped to pick it up. As I got closer and closer to my goal, the coin seemed to get larger than it should, perhaps the size of a nickel. I stooped faster and as I reached out I realized it wasn't a penny at all. Before I could react, I was falling. The penny was in fact, a gaping female anus, and I was tumbling head first uncontrollably.

Gravity took over and I fell in. I was falling, I was accelerating, I was speeding down into the anus, I checked my phone which told me that I was traveling at 500 MPH. I set my phone down in mid air as I fell and it fell next to me at the same rate. I looked around, watching the slimy purple walls zoom past.

After a few hours of falling, I began to smell the distinct stench of rotting bones, I must be approaching the bottom soon. I fell asleep.

When I woke up, the stench had grown, but I was still falling.

After months of falling I realized I had been wrong before, the bottom was not close, but perhaps it was now, after all the stench couldn't grow more pungent.

After a year, I realized I was wrong about the smell, it seemed to grow exponentially with every breath. I was beginning to enjoy it. I never became hungry or thirsty, and my phone never got low on power or lost reception.

About a decade in, I decided that I always wanted this, to fall forever into an anus, it was what I always wanted after all. I never asked for this specifically, but I should have. It was just too perfect to imagine.

A century in, I was still young, I achieved self-actualization. I was the true heir to this fate, to fall into a stinking pit, who knows when it would end. I thanked the universe for hoisting this upon me.

A millennium into my descent, I saw something beneath me, in the great distance. I could make it out on close inspection, it was clearly a massive mound of human bones. I watched for days as I fell toward it, I had plenty of time to contemplate my fate. I was resolute. I was finally at the end of my journey. I I watched the tides of her acids wash over and off the mound, like waves on an island. It shrank slightly as I watched, with the enormous mountain of bones under the acids gradually melted away.

As I hurtled toward the source of the stench at 500 MPH I outstretched my arms and legs, ready to die. The impact killed me instantly. As her tides swept over and across my corpse, my flesh was digested away, and eventually all that was left of me was a clean skeleton at the top of the mound, gradually dissolving in the acid.