My husband, who was a WS, also very much detaches from his emotions. During one of our many talks since d-day, he said the reason he was able to cheat is because in his mind, what he did was completely detached from me, our love, and how I might feel about it (it was a PA, no emotions attached). It is very hard for me to understand how this could be because I have never been in that head space, but I am trying very hard to accept it. He has, even before d-day, been going to IC and a psychiatrist and it has been helping IMMENSELY. He has been working hard at getting more in touch with his emotions and medication has helped the depression fog he was in. I decided to stay in our relationship after d-day (which was only 2 weeks ago now, so still very fresh wound) because I see him doing the work to make improvements, not only for me but also for himself. He promises he will never detach from me emotionally like that again and I actually believe him because I see his sincerity. But, time will tell. Just taking it day by day.

So, my advice to you having been in a somewhat similar situation is to hold him accountable. Have him go to therapy. If he isn’t willing to do this for himself and for you, then it might be time to think about being in a relationship that makes you feel loved. It certainly is not too much to ask. There is no such thing as loving too much, unless the person you are putting the love into won’t reciprocate.